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#430625 - 04/09/13 08:54 AM Re: MIND ISSUES - Part Two [Re: overcomer4life]
lapchinj Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1235
Loc: New York
Hey 4life,

I'm sorry I didn't read part 1 which cleared up a lot of what you're going through.

Genedebs - This is one reason I cannot believe in religion and why god was left in bed with the johns. People will alway bring up that our religion, and any religion for that matter, tells us to forgive is like you say a mitzvoh. What I say to that is "bullshit". If someone didn't have the decency to acknowledge that anything even happened it's not even worth pissing on their grave. I left my parents when I was 12 (I am 62 now). I felt bad for them 6 years ago because of their failing health. So I built and extension to my house for an apartment for them and moved them up to NY from FL five years ago.My mother is the same ways as when I was 12. It was one of the worst things that happened in my life. I have to relive my childhood every day, the childhood that I had run away from. She has never changed and she never will.

That goes the same for 4life. I'm stuck with my parents who are 98 and 93. 4life or anyone else should not have to go through that or go to any funerals that will put him in contact with his abusers. He has a life and it doesn't include anything that will put him in an uncomfortable position. Fuck'm!!!

I will not make comments about anyone's religion and especially if they are religious people, I respect them even though I don't agree with them always. But I think that 4life has a choice and that choice shouldn't cause any more grief by pulling the forgive and forget card on him with some religion.

My parents never knew what happened to me since the age of 9 till 18 so I cannot feel the pain 4life is going through but me personally would not show up for any of their funerals. Like bodyguard said that at this point it should be a choice and not a necessity especially for csa non-believers.

I will go to my mother's funeral just to watch them bury someone who has tormented me and my family. I will ask them to dig the grave an extra foot down just to make sure that she is finally out of my life. I will watch every shovel of dirt thrown on her box and say amen smile. I always said that I would piss on her grave but I don't think I have the balls to do that frown.

4life - Do not go to the funeral, they all don't deserve your presence especially the one in the hole mad.

good luck

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#430632 - 04/09/13 09:53 AM Re: MIND ISSUES - Part Two [Re: overcomer4life]
overcomer4life Offline


Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
Thanks Jeff! Somebody understands how I feel. That means a LOT!

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#430661 - 04/09/13 05:32 PM Re: MIND ISSUES - Part Two [Re: overcomer4life]
overcomer4life Offline


Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
The single most profound movie line ever written...

"...and all the while, I feel I'm standing in the middle of a crowded room screaming at the top of my lungs, and no one even looks up." (-Rose in the movie "Titanic")

*whew*

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#430677 - 04/09/13 08:19 PM Re: MIND ISSUES - Part Two [Re: overcomer4life]
lapchinj Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1235
Loc: New York
Originally Posted By: overcomer4life
The single most profound movie line ever written...

"...and all the while, I feel I'm standing in the middle of a crowded room screaming at the top of my lungs, and no one even looks up." (-Rose in the movie "Titanic")

*whew*


That's because they think of you as a none entity, you don't matter to them, etc., that's why they treat you like this. Not believing you is one thing but calling you a liar is totally different, it means that that you don't exist in their world. When my mother would call me a liar (even today) it hurt more than when she beat me. If someone says they don't believe you there is a chance that you can show them that your telling them the truth. If you are a liar no matter what you say you will never convince them otherwise.

Your sister is in the same position as me. She knows how you feel but is afraid to break away. I don't know why. I guess I'm also afraid to tell them all to go to hell and get out of my life. This is the chance you need to make that break and not live a tortured life. By you not going to the funeral you are making a statement that what goes around comes around. If something changes in the future then you can assess the situation.

I will tell you what my T told me when we talked about bringing my parents up to me. He said simply "you thought she would change?". Maybe I was hoping she had changed but I found out that after not being with them for 48 years they have not changed at all and I'm being tortured once more. My T says that I'm afraid to stand up to her.

She called you a liar? Then piss on her grave, but come after the funeral is over when people are leaving. Those people will never change. I am proof of that and I know others in the same boat. I can't see you being tortured for life. At least I had 48 years of sanity and freedom but I forgot how I was treated and fucked up by bringing my parents up here. Nothing but nothing at all has changed. I am that young child again being yelled at, screamed at, being called a liar, worthless and I didn't amount to anything. And now my family, my kids and their families are going through the same thing with me.

You are a liar to them, you don't exist. You are not worthy of even being not believed.

I'm sorry that I'm so biased on this subject but I fucked up, don't make the same mistake as me.

I wish you all the luck and magic in the world to heal.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#430706 - 04/10/13 12:33 AM Re: MIND ISSUES - Part Two [Re: overcomer4life]
overcomer4life Offline


Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
I appreciate those words more than you know!

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#430713 - 04/10/13 01:38 AM Re: MIND ISSUES - Part Two [Re: overcomer4life]
lapchinj Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1235
Loc: New York
It makes me feel really good knowing that I can do something to help someone.

Thanks for the kind words.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#430715 - 04/10/13 02:11 AM Re: MIND ISSUES - Part Two [Re: overcomer4life]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3618
Loc: South-East Europe
It feels sooo good seeing you guys sharing peace, rainbows, love, healing and helping each other wink

Hang on overcomer4life, and don't give up your stance to their tries. You know how much you were hurt and you didn't get support. Denial is many time used by families which don't live in realities, it is toxic and beyond words hurtful for children raised in such families.
Sending my hugs!

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#430719 - 04/10/13 03:49 AM Re: MIND ISSUES - Part Two [Re: overcomer4life]
crazy gecko Offline


Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 309
OC4L - I've started several replies to this thread, but I always end up deleting it.

I didn't go to my father's funeral. When my aunt told me he had died, I was surprised that he had still been alive until a few days before. I told her I'd come if I can tell everyone exactly who and what he was. I ended up not going, and my aunt still hasn't spoken to me again.

Quite frankly, I don't miss her. The only members of my family I have contact with is my brother, and for the last few months my cousin, who is also a survivor (he was molested by my father). I've been much happier since I've stopped trying to win over my family or convince them that it's true that my father abused us. It's not as if they ever were a real family. I get support elsewhere.

Originally Posted By: overcomer4life
The single most profound movie line ever written...

"...and all the while, I feel I'm standing in the middle of a crowded room screaming at the top of my lungs, and no one even looks up." (-Rose in the movie "Titanic")

*whew*

whew indeed. That was me as a kid, a teenager, a young man. Until I gave up and decided to spend my time with people who WOULD look up if I screamed.

Walk out of that room. The only thing you will find in there, is more hurt. They will probably never respect you. You deserve better than that. Respect yourself enough to not expose yourself to their toxicity. And if they get hurt, or angry, well, then that is their problem. They brought it on themselves with they way they treated you. You don't have to be loyal to someone just because you share some genes. "Family" is about so much more than biology...
_________________________
I guess what I'm trying to say
Is whose life is it anyway because livin'
Living is the best revenge
You can play
-- Def Leppard

My Story, Part 2

My blog

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#430738 - 04/10/13 09:12 AM Re: MIND ISSUES - Part Two [Re: crazy gecko]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1753
I am sorry your father abused you, but I am happy you have found peace even though it separates you from your family. I understand your reasons, I was not abused by a family member but the reaction and treatment once they learned of the abuse has been hurtful and dismissive. I am at a point, I will love them. Like the abuser I have let their treatment effect me as a person and how I view myself, very similar to how I let my abuser control me all these years. I think once abused we have a tendency to let others treat us poorly. Only once we free ourselves of their selfish actions can we truly be free to love ourselves. The abuser is difficult to deal with but family members who act the like the abuser, (but do not sexually abuse us) only serve to reinforce the pain and harm the abuser did to us.

I am glad you found the courage to free yourself from a family so in denial. You deserve the life you have found--you earned the right to feel whole. Good luck.

Kevin

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#430741 - 04/10/13 09:52 AM Re: MIND ISSUES - Part Two [Re: overcomer4life]
overcomer4life Offline


Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
"Family" is about so much more than biology...

YOU SAID A MOUTHFUL AND I ALMOST SCREAMED IN THIS OFFICE!!!!

Today, it feels as if you guys are in the office with me guarding me against what would surely be a disaster. I appreciate it SO MUCH!!!

The visitation is this evening and the funeral is tomorrow.

I can't lie....about 20% of me feels like the "bad grandson" or the "tainted black sheep" for not going to either. As much as my dad is in denial and disbelief about what happened, that 20% feels a bit uneasy about not being there for him at the time of his mother's death.

The other 80% keeps asking the 20%, "when are you going to realize that at some point you have to stop doing what will make everyone else happy and pursue your own happiness and freedom?"

So my emotions are still A BIT torn, but not as much as they have been.

I owe that to my brothers at MS, and don't take any of you for granted.

Thanks!!!

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