Newest Members
Lumpy, squeekinby, rhyoung, Jefferson22, OxfordArms
12369 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
aleja (40), bc22 (47), DavidMI (40), Forrest_Gump (39), Jay1946 (68), Malc4 (29), mpm01 (49), widpaulman (43)
Who's Online
3 registered (JW1230, pufferfish, Tiger1982), 15 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12369 Members
74 Forums
63575 Topics
444169 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#419040 - 12/13/12 05:04 PM Leaking amnesia
martian Offline


Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 8
Loc: Purgatory
Hello every one,

Thank you for reading my post.
Since I started exposure therapy to reduce the effects of PTSD type 2, I noticed that the amnesia, that clouds the memories of my childhood, starts to spread into 'normal' day to day life.
In other words, the more I uncover from the past, the more holes seem to appear in the 'normal' part of my life which used to be totally disconnected from the abnormal abuse I suffered a long time ago. Of course I have been carrying that weight every moment of the day but without being aware of it. This is slowly changing so I do see what is going on, what is triggering panic responses but at the same time it seems like the black holes in my memory which used to be reserved for all the bad stuff are starting to appear everywhere.
This worries me as I get confronted with people who cannot believe I don't remember things that I did, said or was a part of. Sometimes I even forget what is said right after someone tells me something.
Does anyone experience something similar while in active therapy?

Martian
_________________________
Empty as I am.

Top
#419044 - 12/13/12 06:39 PM Re: Leaking amnesia [Re: martian]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3397
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Martian -
try not to panic. that added stress will make it worse.

i think sometimes what is happening is that in the midst of intense therapy, we don't focus as much on the present or recent reality and therefore it does't register or "stick" in our minds. i know for me that has been the case - not so much that i forgot as that i wasn't aware of what was hapening around me to begin with.

i went back and read some threads on the forums here recently that i had written some time ago - and did not even remember writing some of those things.

i would definitely talk with your T about it. but don't worry too much. chances are, once the worst of your older memories emerge and are recognized and faced, the other memories that you are aware of having "lost" will come back, too. i sense that you are overloaded - and just can't handle it all at the same time.

hang in there.
lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#430567 - 04/08/13 08:53 PM Re: Leaking amnesia [Re: martian]
martian Offline


Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 8
Loc: Purgatory
Hi Lee,

Thank you for taking the time and energy to answer my question.
Sorry I forgot to get back here. I still forget lots of things. When I don't I I am often too scared to get back and post anything at all. Or just exhausted from insomnia and constant triggers, flashbacks freezing terror and numbness.

Greetings from Mars
_________________________
Empty as I am.

Top
#430584 - 04/09/13 12:04 AM Re: Leaking amnesia [Re: martian]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
Martian,

I am having this problem too. Have been told recently of stuff that I should have remembered saying/doing, but didn't -- this just as my therapy is getting intense.

You are not alone.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

Top
#430659 - 04/09/13 05:17 PM Re: Leaking amnesia [Re: martian]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 10:46 PM)

Top
#430665 - 04/09/13 05:42 PM Re: Leaking amnesia [Re: martian]
pufferfish Online   embarrased
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6867
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: martian

Since I started exposure therapy to reduce the effects of PTSD type 2, I noticed that the amnesia, that clouds the memories of my childhood, starts to spread into 'normal' day to day life.
...

Sometimes I even forget what is said right after someone tells me something.
Does anyone experience something similar while in active therapy?

Martian

I have experienced several different types of amnesia. One of them I have called magic slate amnesia. I experience this when I'm changing venues or events. It's like that child's toy the magic slate, where you lift up the outer plastic sheet and the writing beneath disappears.

http://www.amazon.com/Schylling-Magic-Slates/dp/B000ICZ5IW/

I'm sure this type of amnesia started for me I was 4. The "neighbor" cared (? eek ) for me overnight and then I came home on Sunday. As soon as I stepped through the door of our house, I "forgot" everything that happened in perp's house.

The most important type of amnesia is the long-term one I used to cover the memories of abuse I experienced. That kind of amnesia started breaking up when I was in my mid forties. Then I remembered lots of abusive events and it really rocked my boat. Amnesia was a protective mechanism, but it had to pass before I could start overcoming the effects of the abuse.

As an adult I couldn't remember most of my childhood. I only remembered several scattered spots, like islands in the South Pacific. When I started therapy and remembered the abusive events, this amnesia also cleared.

I have a social amnesia. I have trouble remembering events and names of people. I think it's because I still feel socially ill-at-ease with people. I was socially shunned in middle school and became very depressed.

After EMDR therapy I had lot's of loose memory connections. I think it's because the EMDR actually connected certain brain circuits and left others stranded. These are slowly becoming reconnected as time goes on.

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (04/10/13 11:47 AM)

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.