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#430186 - 04/05/13 10:03 AM ISSUES OF THE MIND....Whoa.
overcomer4life Offline


Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
On a normal basis, I am able to let go and look past any lurking desire for that type of affection, approval, acceptance, or whatever...

HOWEVER, this week I've had to face these facts:


  • Neither my mom or maternal grandmother have called since our disagreement about me not attending my paternal grandmother's funeral.

  • Going to the funeral would cause me to be in the same room with the uncle and two cousins who "got me" when I was younger.

  • The deceased (my dad's mom) and my dad never believed me. In fact, my paternal grandmother called me a liar on more than one occasion and defended her son.

  • When my cousin "got me", my dad beat ME as if I had done something wrong...to the point where I bled in several places.

  • My maternal grandmother's comments about "not knowing Jesus if I can't forgive and go pay respects to my other grandmother" make me feel VERY uneasy.


All of those things combined, make me feel something that I assume most drug addicts/users must feel from time to time.

HERE'S HOW: The need for a hug or some sort of support/validation/whatever from a dude is at an all-time high! As much as I ignore any feelings or urges on that level, the desire has now entered into what I call a CHRONIC phase...just to meet an emotional need.

I'm strong enough (I think) NOT to give in, but the question is am I willing to exercise that strength.

Uh...it ain't lookin' too good....

WHEW.

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#430188 - 04/05/13 10:08 AM Re: ISSUES OF THE MIND....Whoa. [Re: overcomer4life]
overcomer4life Offline


Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
And I just got a text from my sister stating that the family is expecting me (the oldest grandson) to walk in with my oldest female cousin in the processional.

HOW FAIR IS IT for me to do that? WHY should I play into creating this "big happy family" picture?

My sister knows exactly how I feel concerning the situation, but I am sure she feels pressure because she's over there with the family ...so I feel bad for her as well.

But I am at my LIMIT on all I can take in this situation, and I really do not want to give in to this strong urge for affection from my own kind.

Yep...it ain't lookin' too good....

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#430190 - 04/05/13 11:21 AM Re: ISSUES OF THE MIND....Whoa. [Re: overcomer4life]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hi 4Life

wow sorry man, all I can say is that you need to do what YOU want to do. If you dont feel like going to the funeral Dont. Sorry man I know how tough this is for you. Wow family pressure is the worst.

Remember to do what is good for YOU and not what you think your family wants you to do.

Sending cyber hugs man (((((((((( )))))))))) sorry cant do more

Martin
_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#430192 - 04/05/13 11:33 AM Re: ISSUES OF THE MIND....Whoa. [Re: overcomer4life]
overcomer4life Offline


Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
Thanks Martin! MUCH NEEDED!

Right after I posted this, my sister called me at work to GRILL me about "not wanting to go to my own grandmother's funeral".

This is a LOT of pressure that I really don't need.

I am at work smiling, walking around the office being helpful and gracious...and going through complete HELL underneath.

People see me, but they just don't know. Whew....

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#430193 - 04/05/13 11:38 AM Re: ISSUES OF THE MIND....Whoa. [Re: overcomer4life]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 916
Loc: New York
Tell your sister to tell the family that you will attend the funeral after your uncle and cousins turn themselves in to the police for rape.

They obviously have no respect for you and are (and have always been) willing to burn you. It would likely make you feel better to burn them back. What sort of relationship do you think you could ever salvage with them - other than the complete subjugation, dismissal, and re-victimization of yourself?

You are worth fighting for, and so is the truth.
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#430195 - 04/05/13 11:43 AM Re: ISSUES OF THE MIND....Whoa. [Re: overcomer4life]
overcomer4life Offline


Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
LOL! SoccerStar, if it was possible, I would take the police to the funeral with me and let the fireworks begin!!!! Seriously.

But it happened when I was 5. I am now 40. He's off the hook (which bothers me, but oh well)...

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#430198 - 04/05/13 11:59 AM Re: ISSUES OF THE MIND....Whoa. [Re: overcomer4life]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3610
Loc: South-East Europe
Hang on overcomer4life!
Tell your sister than that more than 11.000 survivors of abuse are standing on your side watching toward abusers and their families that allowed and supported it and that are living in denial making additional huge damage to "invisible" victims.
We are at your side!
I'm sending my warmest hug to you my brother who lost his family many years ago

((((watching protectively))))
_________________________
My story

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#430201 - 04/05/13 12:08 PM Re: ISSUES OF THE MIND....Whoa. [Re: overcomer4life]
overcomer4life Offline


Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
Protection is much-needed and appreciated!!!

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#430202 - 04/05/13 12:24 PM Re: ISSUES OF THE MIND....Whoa. [Re: overcomer4life]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 10:05 PM)

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#430203 - 04/05/13 12:33 PM Re: ISSUES OF THE MIND....Whoa. [Re: overcomer4life]
overcomer4life Offline


Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
I don't use drugs. I just understand the similarity. I am so addicted to work (and getting paid) that I don't make time for any level of intimacy at all.

When things like this happen, however, I run right to it and I can clearly see myself on the verge of an affection-binge that lasts from the time I get off today until the wee hours of Monday. Dangerous? YES...because if anybody gets "attached" to me, they'll have a major heartbreak on the way once the void is "numbed again", or dare I say "filled for the time being".

It's awful.

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