Newest Members
beatcook, MassGuy, wiresguy1, AustinChemist, wild_turky
12276 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
4113 (60), Andre M, (36), catchup22 (62), jim OCA 7 (57), sidhearthur (55), SkyClad (65)
Who's Online
1 registered (1 invisible), 25 Guests and 3 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12276 Members
73 Forums
63164 Topics
441712 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#428256 - 03/16/13 07:42 PM You Lucky Dog You!
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1089
Loc: The ATL
Many years ago, when the Mary Letourneau trial was underway, I was working as a bartender at a restaurant in the town where my parents live. I remember one particular night, when it was really slow, that Saturday Night Live was on the TV and three male customers were at my bar. This was back when Norm McDonald was doing the Weekend Update portion of the program. At one point during Weekend Update, McDonald made some joke about what an awesome teacher Letouneau was and how lucky the boy involved was. The guys sitting at my bar all laughed and high fived one another to that particular joke, then started making their own jokes about how awesome it was that some sixth grader got to "bang his teacher". My fists tightened and my teeth clinched. I always get that way when I hear people joking about how "awesome" female on male sexual abuse is. One of them commented to me about it thinking I wanted to be a part of their retarded conversation and join them in their ignorance but I politely brushed them off and went back to cutting garnishes. (Or whatever bartenderly thing I was doing at that point.) What I would have liked to have done was popped open a bottle of Merlot and "accidentally" spill it all over them. Whoops!

It made me wonder. If the situation had been the same, the EXACT same, but the teacher had been a man and the student had been a girl, or a boy for that matter, what would the jokes have been like then? I don't have to wonder much because I FUCKING KNOW!!!! The jokes would have been about which horrible way to kill the guy in. About how he should be beaten, and mauled by dogs, and raped in prison, and left there to rot forever. I'm not saying anger at male offenders isn't appropriate but the double standard fucking PISSES ME OFF!!! I'm so goddamn sick of it! Female sexual abusers are largely seen as "cool". They get WAY more sympathy from the public. They get lighter sentences when they are caught and their actions are portrayed differently by the media. We all know this to be true.

Not many people know the sordid details of my childhood but when I hear even a stranger making ignorant comments about female on male abuse, I want to just unload it on them.

"The boy was lucky? Really, shithead? You know what? I was molested by older females when I was a kid and IT FUCKING RUINED ME!!!! It destroyed my sexuality! It ruined women for me! Do you enjoy your sex life with your wife or girlfriend, motherfucker? You know what? I don't have a fucking sex life and I'm 38. I've had one girlfriend ever and that only lasted for a year because she couldn't handle my crippling sexual timidity. I was actually relived when she finally broke up with me because that meant I didn't have to MAKE myself fuck her anymore or feel bad later for not doing it. The REALLY fucked up thing is, she was one of the people who KNEW about my past and went into it thinking she could "fix" me. HA HA! She learned! And no, I'm not fucking gay! I'm not attracted to dudes at all but I don't want to fuck a chick either, ever. It's cool though. I've collected a number of very high-end sex toys over the years and they keep me satisfied. Believe it or not, if I had a choice between plowing some 25 year old, golden-bodied swimsuit model or getting off with one of my fuck toys, I'd take the fuck toy any day of the week and twice on Sunday! Got it? Now go be ignorant somewhere else you fuck!"

(Ok, not twice on Sunday. I don't have that kind of stamina anymore.) smirk

You know what though? Maybe I AM lucky! Because of my childhood and my sexual issues, I never have to buy some chick dinner! I don't have to put up with a girlfriend who will want to move in with me and make me take my Star Wars posters down! I don't have to worry that she will criticize my wardrobe! I don't have to bring her to my parent's house and listen to her bitch to my mom about the things I do that annoy her, which are the same things I do that annoy my mom, which makes my mom take her side! I can play XBOX and drink beer all night if I want to and nobody bitches at me! I can watch college football all day Saturday, then NFL football all day Sunday, getting stinking drunk both days and nobody says a thing! I'll never have to spend two months salary on a useless rock attached to a useless, meaningless ring to show my "commitment" to her! I'll never have to worry about impregnating her with a kid I can't afford and don't want! I'll never have to make child support payments! I'll never have to live through the pain and expense of having a divorce! I don't have to remember anniversaries, or notice new hair cuts, or comment on how pretty the dress she's wearing is without her getting pissed off, or any other dumb fucking female shit like that!!!! Holy fuck! Maybe I WAS LUCKY!!!!!!!!!

"If you got girl problems I feel bad for you son. I got 99 problems but a bitch aint one."

Ha ha! Oh well...... (sigh). Who am I kidding? I've got more than 99 problems. frown

Anyway, I'm going to stop ranting now. Got a lot of video game playing to do tonight and no annoying bitch to spend time with. Thanks for lending an ear if you read all this. I needed to get that off my chest today for some reason. Take care all. Peace.

Ken

PS. When I said "And no, I'm not fucking gay!", I hope that didn't sound homophobic. My brother is gay, my best friend since high school is gay and I get along with gay people very well. I'm even a HUGE supporter of gay rights politically. I'm just not gay myself. Period. Just wanted to clear that up.


Edited by BraveFalcon (03/16/13 08:22 PM)

Top
#428680 - 03/22/13 08:53 AM Re: You Lucky Dog You! [Re: BraveFalcon]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
Falcon I know how you feel my mom did me from 6-13 I have been dealing with all kinds of baggage since. Anyone who says that we are lucky needs to be shot

Top
#428783 - 03/23/13 02:01 AM Re: You Lucky Dog You! [Re: mike13]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1089
Loc: The ATL
Hi Mike. It's not adequate for me to say "I'm sorry" to hear about the abuse you suffered at the hands of your mother. Nothing could be adequate. There are no words for that. I'm sorry though, for what it's worth.

If there really is anybody out there who would call you "lucky" for having been sexually abused by your own mother, then they are among the sickest of human beings. Someone would have to be truly evil to believe something like that. I hope no one has ever said anything like that to you and if they have, kudos to you for not busting teeth out of their mouth. If anyone has ever said anything like that to you and you did bust teeth out of their mouth, kudos for that too.

Almost all of the sexual trauma that I endured as a child came from girls outside of my family circle. From some teenagers when I was about 8 and from a girl not much older than me from 8-13 or so. A lot of guys would hear that and say, "Damn, that's HOT! I wish I had been molested by chicks when I was blah, blah, blah....etc." Whatever. Fuck them. They don't know what I went through. They don't know what it did to me.

When it comes to the girl who was not much older than me, I don't really know whether to call her relationship with me sexual abuse or just sexual bullying. At some point in the next week or two I plan on posting about it more in depth though. I have to get some of this crap off of my chest. I want to understand why this relationship that I was supposedly so "lucky" to have had screwed me up so badly. Not that anyone here or anyone in the world can answer that question for sure. Take care. Peace,

Ken

Top
#429008 - 03/25/13 12:06 AM Re: You Lucky Dog You! [Re: BraveFalcon]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
Thanks Ken I hope we can both soar into the sky's of healing

Top
#429111 - 03/25/13 07:53 PM Re: You Lucky Dog You! [Re: BraveFalcon]
Vedder32 Offline


Registered: 03/09/13
Posts: 21
Loc: Kentucky,U..S.A
I myself suffered at the hands of abuse from a hsuband and a wife. The most horrific event can be having your body and respect invaded by a woman.Considering,that mother is the most sacred word on the face of the earth and in heaven.

It took me years too branch out and maintain healthy relations with women and I am still struggling. I used them as she abused me.Just strictly for sex or pleasure.

There is nothing lucky about being abused by a woman.If I had a choice in the manner, I would of taken the male over the woman. Woman can be far more hazardous and leave deep wounds that reopen everytime you have a fault or weakness with the opposite sex.

I am just very thankful,that I had a very supportive sister and been blessed with neices and cousins who have helped guide me and recognise my worth. I don't let it stop me from pursuing relationships but I am still working on the boundaries and confidence for myself as well as for them.

Top
#429131 - 03/25/13 11:06 PM Re: You Lucky Dog You! [Re: Vedder32]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1089
Loc: The ATL
Originally Posted By: Vedder32

There is nothing lucky about being abused by a woman.If I had a choice in the manner, I would of taken the male over the woman.


It's interesting to hear you say that. I'm not quite going to say "I wish my abusers had been male" or anything. (One of them actually kinda may have been but that's a complicated story for another post.) I will say that if none of my abusers had been female, I think I would actually be more open about my childhood issues with people in my life and with people in general. At least then I could tell people I was abused without having to worry that they were going to slap a "you were lucky" or an "I wish that had happened to me" back in my face. When a man was your abuser, no sane person on this planet is going to say that to you. When you tell people you were molested by teenage girls at 8, then routinely sexually bullied and tormented for years by a girl only a year older than you, there are A LOT of people you're going to get that shit from.

In fact, in years past, when posting on-line about my childhood, I have chosen to be intentionally vague about the age and sex of my abusers. I never lied, I just left those details out. Then, when I got comments like, "I'm sorry for what he did to you", I just didn't correct them. Why should I? They made the erroneous assumption, not me. At the time, it was easier to let them think that and not come 100% clean than to take the chance that my pain and the damage that was done to me would be minimized and invalidated. It's really nice to see that there are others who can actually identify with my feeling that way. Take care. Peace,

Ken

Top
#430494 - 04/08/13 07:26 AM Re: You Lucky Dog You! [Re: BraveFalcon]
learning2remember Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 248
Loc: Europe
"It's really nice to see that there are others who can actually identify with my feeling that way"

I've concealed that I was abused by a woman, too.
_________________________
"This is not my shame, this is their shame." Mona Eltahawy

Top
#430811 - 04/10/13 10:32 PM Re: You Lucky Dog You! [Re: BraveFalcon]
Publius Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 396
Loc: OH
The look of incredulity on a person's face when you discuss female perps. I have to admit even in my own mind when I think about perps I rarely think about them being female. The reality is they are out there, they are not rare, and they have just as negative an impact on their victim's life as a male abuser. Your post is so true. I go on a site called Fark.com and stories of teacher student abuse occur from time to time. Somebody a long while back came up with the following description of the general mindset of people towards said abuse

Male Teacher to Male Student: DO NOT WANT

Male Teacher to Female Student: Abuse of authority, string him up, death is too good!

Female Teacher to Male Student: Good for him I wish I had teachers like that when I was his age

Female Teacher to Female Student: OH MY GAWD SO HOT!!1!

Users regularly post this chart as a criticism of the general mindset in this country. However, the fact remains female perps enjoy way too much protection from these stereotypes and their male victims too little support from the people who buy into them.
_________________________
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

Top
#430834 - 04/11/13 01:25 AM Re: You Lucky Dog You! [Re: BraveFalcon]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1478
Loc: New England
The 50 Most Infamous Female Teacher Sex Scandals Note the headline's description of these events as "sex scandals", rather than the crimes that they are. Note the reader's poll showing that 49% of respondants disagree that female teachers should be punished as harshly as male teachers who have sex with students. According to an AP study, between 2001 and 2005, 2,570 educators had their teaching credentials revoked, denied, surrendered or sanctioned following allegations of sexual misconduct. While only ten percent of those teachers were women, female teachers who have slept with (note the use of "slept with" instead of "molested") their students receive the lion's share of media attention.
_________________________
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell

Top
#430875 - 04/11/13 11:37 AM Re: You Lucky Dog You! [Re: Jude]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11023
Loc: Denver, CO
Jude,

A Google search took me to this list, which appears to be quite a comprehensive list of guilty female teachers. One just needs to page through it at the bottom of the first page.
_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, Publius, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.