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#430764 - 04/10/13 02:20 PM Re: CSA Didn't Make Me Gay [Re: Lancer]
lukedamien Offline


Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 68
Thanks

cool

I'll check it out

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#430787 - 04/10/13 07:21 PM Re: CSA Didn't Make Me Gay [Re: lukedamien]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 245
Loc: Germany
Hey lukedamien! Thank you for your response. I've been feeling a little triggered as of lately, but it is nice to read some acknowledgement from another.

I don't think at all that gay men are all abusers. However, certain men who look like and remind me of my abusers creep me out though.

I actually was the leader of an LGBTQ health awareness and resource group for 2.5 years during university and became well acquainted with the prejudices and stereotypes associated with Queer men, and how unfounded they were. However, my volunteer work did show me how largely apathetic the gay community is, and how fragmented it has become- very little in the sense of "community" actually. It is very involved in materialism in those places were rights have been granted and many feel or grow up believing that the fight is over. I thought when I was 18 and going to university I would be meeting a wonderful, healing, and inclusive community that would show me what I was looking for when I was 13 and first started going online to meet other gay people (men). Yet that was not the case


Edited by JayBro (04/10/13 07:22 PM)
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

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#430789 - 04/10/13 07:40 PM Re: CSA Didn't Make Me Gay [Re: JayBro]
lukedamien Offline


Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 68
You're welcome Jay. I understand what you mean by some dudes looking like the dudes that hurt u. Same here. I live in a different city than I grew up in. Only really an hour drive away. But I somehow fear some dudes from back then. I also have a slight fear of dudes that have the prison type of tattoos because some of the dudes back then had them. I hope I didn't sound rude in the reply though. I just try to be myself. I know this site is for healing. Maybe it's still too soon for me to worry about dealing with it all and try healing. I think maybe it's too soon. I'm still at the stage in life where I want to make friends and find out where I belong. Guess I'm not to mature right now. But I'm trying to be. Can I ask when youstarted to deal with all of it. What age I mean

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#430805 - 04/10/13 09:55 PM Re: CSA Didn't Make Me Gay [Re: lukedamien]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 245
Loc: Germany
I only started to deal with it just after I turned 20, and the abuse stopped when I was around 18. I am only 21 going on 22 now.

I sometimes still see two of my abusers who raped me when I was intoxicated a few years ago. They are on campus (one was in one of my lectures last semester, and other was part of a panel with the university student union, helping to interview for a job-- that was so incredibly difficult to do and keep professional). So it many ways, it all still feels quite real. And the computer desk where the online stuff happened when I was kid is still there by my parents. At times I cannot wait to be geographically removed from these places which bring triggering memories.
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

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#430916 - 04/11/13 06:40 PM Re: CSA Didn't Make Me Gay [Re: lukedamien]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 10:47 PM)

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#430942 - 04/11/13 09:50 PM Re: CSA Didn't Make Me Gay [Re: bodyguard8367]
lukedamien Offline


Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 68
So beautiful dude. Gosh I cannot believe how lucky I am to be here. Thank you.

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