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#430462 - 04/08/13 01:56 AM .
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (04/20/13 08:38 PM)

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#430476 - 04/08/13 03:16 AM Re: Dissociative amnesia and hypnotherapy [Re: Life's A Dream]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3617
Loc: South-East Europe
Hang on LAD, I hope therapy will be successful for you.
I don't like to be asked for my therapy sessions sometimes as there are things that I don't wanna share. I have couple good friends who know what is happaning and some of them have been asking me about it from time to time.
Many times I needed to say that things discussed there were too sensitive to be talk about later.

Please try to be protective for self.

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#430505 - 04/08/13 10:25 AM Re: Dissociative amnesia and hypnotherapy [Re: Life's A Dream]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1045
I am also recently experiencing feelings of grief and loss. We are mourning our potential selves that were killed by the CSA as we come to terms with the lives we have now with the understanding that the CSA put us on this life path.

We have every reason to mourn the loss of ourselves. It's a healthy feeling to have, even though it feels terrible. It means we're not denying it to ourselves any more. We are accepting the true impact of CSA on our lives, even if we don't remember it, and that impact is that it killed us before we even knew what life was.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#430509 - 04/08/13 11:20 AM Re: Dissociative amnesia and hypnotherapy [Re: cant_remember]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1751
I am going through this phase now, grieving the loss of so much of me--the child and the childhood I lost and how it did not allow me to become the person I should have been. It is a difficult process, emotionally draining and very confusing. I am grieving for a part of me, and not someone else that I loved. It is also coming to terms that the child and childhood are forever gone because of the CSA.

Few people understand this and believe the child was not impacted from CSA. This does not help the process when one hears the denials of the impact of abuse.

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#430510 - 04/08/13 11:55 AM Re: Dissociative amnesia and hypnotherapy [Re: Life's A Dream]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1045
For others who have come out of the other side of this, what is it like once you have buried your child self and have become your own widower?

When I hear my aunt say things like, "You were such a cute kid," it kills me inside because 1) that cuteness is what got me raped, and 2) had I not been raped, that cuteness might have blossomed into attractiveness, self-confidence and athleticism instead of the half-man I've become.

LAD, stay strong with the hypno-therapy. Nothing works on the first session. And I've been seeing the same EMDR doc since early January, and we've still not started processing yet because EMDR with DID clients like us is dangerous work, and any T worth his/her salt will know to go slow with you. Every time I try to rush my T into starting processing, something happens with me that confirms to us that "slow and steady" is the best policy.

I'm up to 13 mg of naltrexone with no adverse reactions other than some strange things happening inside my identity matrix. It's allowing Izzy to become stronger, giving him more room inside to "be." No real memory breakthroughs and not yet a cure for the acting out, but it's not hurting either.

At 13 mg, this stuff becomes incredibly cheap, as 30 tablets of 50 mg each costs less than $50. If I take a quarter-tablet (12.5 mg) daily and a half tab (25 mg) on the night before my session, that $50 prescription will last for months.

Cant

edit: LAD, re: hypnosis. Your T is right that you need a "safe place." You've said here before that you don't have a safe place (anyway, I think you've said that.) It's good of her to want to do some work to prepare you and your mind for the hard stuff.

So, going again to establish a safe place that you can breathe your way into would be a very good place to start, and could help you in other ways too.

CR


Edited by cant_remember (04/08/13 02:04 PM)
Edit Reason: added note to LAD
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#430536 - 04/08/13 03:57 PM . [Re: cant_remember]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (04/20/13 08:38 PM)

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#430537 - 04/08/13 03:57 PM Re: Dissociative amnesia and hypnotherapy [Re: Life's A Dream]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1235
Loc: New York
Hey LAD

My birth parents are like non entities to me so that set me up with my judo teacher. He is Japanese and I'm not. He was for all intent and purposes my father, I would call him papasan. I loved him and I still do. He did pimp me and he did sell me to movie makers. So I am also confused. People would probably say that we are crazy. Looking at your position where you think that trying to find out would poison the well why can't you tell him you love him, then confront him, tell him what you know and then tell him that you still love him. I don't know what I would do if I ever met papasan or if he would think that the same as you think your father would feel.

You could also, once you know for certain that he is your molester, tell him that you knew for a long time that he was your molester but that you have always and still love him. You could add that you didn't need the abuse but you still love him.

I never knew that papasan had sold me to the movies people until recently but I knew that he was pimping me and that we were also together sexually. I wasn't crazy about the johns but I was crazy about him. He was the only person that I knew that cared anything about me, but I really didn't need the johns.

I am having a big problem whether to think of the pimping as just something I did like other kids played baseball. If I did still love him even with the johns, how should I feel now that I know that I was sold to the movie people.

Some here might say it is definitely abuse but I still can't and my mind is whirling around in confusion. Like your father papasan was also very generous and took me places like all the museums in the city multiple times, to the World's Fair in '64 and '65 multiple times. He was very loving and it was the first time that I felt loved.

As for hypnosis and other stuf that my T had suggested I said straight out that I won't do that. I cannot be not in control of myself. So I can't help on that type of therapy.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#430545 - 04/08/13 05:28 PM . [Re: lapchinj]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (04/20/13 08:39 PM)

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#430546 - 04/08/13 05:35 PM . [Re: peroperic2009]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (04/20/13 08:39 PM)

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#430547 - 04/08/13 05:36 PM . [Re: KMCINVA]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (04/20/13 08:39 PM)

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