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#432369 - 04/25/13 09:24 AM Re: New to the Forum [Re: CafeMan]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 11:04 PM)

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#432375 - 04/25/13 10:45 AM Re: New to the Forum [Re: CafeMan]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1560
Welcome

I admire your bravery to tell your family and for your sister to learn of what was done to by her former husband. I hope it began to set you free from the effects of the abuse, I hope it empowered you to move forward-which I sense it did from your words on how you wish to live the rest of your life. I think you sister will need some help, she probably has some guilt feelings about what happened--she should talk to someone and like you, it was not neither of you who were responsible or guilty.

I wish you well on the journey to healing.

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#432718 - 04/28/13 09:17 AM Re: New to the Forum [Re: BuffaloCO]
CafeMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/18/13
Posts: 149
Loc: Chicago
Thank you. I appreciate that. And thank you as well. You're right, it has been very helpful here!

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#432719 - 04/28/13 09:18 AM Re: New to the Forum [Re: bodyguard8367]
CafeMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/18/13
Posts: 149
Loc: Chicago
Thank you!

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#432721 - 04/28/13 09:24 AM Re: New to the Forum [Re: KMCINVA]
CafeMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/18/13
Posts: 149
Loc: Chicago
Thank you, KMCINVA. There is/was a feeling that changed the family dynamic after I disclosed this. My sister was just as much a victim as I was.

I guess what I learned through all this is that even though there were adults involved, people did the best they could despite the challenges. I know my sister loves me (and I of her). But she did the best she could at the time. While I may not have agreed with some of her choices, she did what she had to do at that specific time. And I can move on from there regarding my feelings toward her.

FYI: She tried to save her marriage and get professional help for him. But he was too far gone, so she divorced him. Before she walked away, she had to exhaust all her options to help him before the divorce. At the time and even now, I don't agree with some of her decisions, but I can at least understand her point of view. She has remarried and has a beautiful daughter. So I am happy for her in that regard.

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#436818 - 06/04/13 10:53 AM Re: New to the Forum [Re: CafeMan]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 695
Loc: Southeast USA
CafeMan,

Welcome. I know we have "spoken" in chat, but I just now read your introduction. As you have probably discovered, there are many roads that lead to and through MS. There are some truly heartbreaking stories out there.

I know one of the unspoken but cardinal rules seems to be that we don't judge or rank our CSA experiences. How can we? It's like saying scalding water hurts ME more than it hurts YOU. That's ridiculous and unproductive.

That said, I'm impressed that you told someone so early. I know you still carry the pain of CSA, but at least you were able to get your family in your corner early on. I wish I had done the same. I was such an independent kid...normally a good trait, but I used it to hide the CSA from my parents until just a few weeks ago---and im only a year older than you are. I think it was the combination of looking at 40, a new higher-pressure job, Sandusky, and the Boy Scout files that did it for me. There were numerous reasons I didn't tell before, but none of them were particularly good.

Like you, I'm an overachiever. I always looked and acted like a slacker kid, but one who always surprised others with what I was able to accomplish. I surprised myself. I did it mostly to forget or at least comparentalize what happened. It was quite a balancing act for years...a lot on my shoulders and Atlas finally shrugged and I told my wife, a T, and joined MS. I'm thankful I did. Just talking about it helps. I believe it was ChaseEric who said that talking about it removes its power. I find that to be true. As I always say...share as much or as little as you are comfortable with.

Will
_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#436833 - 06/04/13 01:09 PM Re: New to the Forum [Re: CafeMan]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3089
Loc: O Kanada
sorry you had to end up here as a child victim,
but congratulations on becoming an adult survivor.

community and communication can only be helpful, healing and healthy for you, so i wish you a warm welcome.

may you benefit from this forum, as i have.

please...
be honest with yourself.
believe in yourself.
believe yourself.
be yourself.
be you.
beware and be aware of triggers.
belong here. you are one of us.
betray no trust.
behave respectfully to yourself and other brother/sister survivors.
be.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#437225 - 06/07/13 09:56 AM Re: New to the Forum [Re: CafeMan]
Confuzzed Offline


Registered: 05/30/13
Posts: 39
Loc: South Carolina, USA
Welcome to MS, CafeMan.

I'm so sorry that you suffered the way you did. Having that trust violated by a loved one is tragic. I hope you can benefit from the support here on MS. We're right there with you on your path of healing.
_________________________
Aiden

-Nothing haunts us like the things we don't say-

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#443327 - 08/05/13 04:43 AM Re: New to the Forum [Re: CafeMan]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3089
Loc: O Kanada
just rereading your post.

"My goal is to spend the second half of my life in a more secure, positive and peaceful existence. Joining and participating in this forum is one of several steps which I must encounter. "

those are very clearly defined objectives, and so worthy of your effort.
congratulations.
you are already on your way.

well said.
well spoken.


_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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