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#429934 - 04/03/13 09:38 AM able to breath
HD001 Offline


Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 263
Loc: us
So my H recently let his buddy move into our basement. I told him that I didn't want him living there but H is so afraid of confrontation he didn't tell his friend no. H thinks he is helping him out. Haha that's rich his buddy is a vet with ptsd and a drug problem. So now I have two toxic self destructive men in my house. It hurts to watch H chose people who exploit him. His friend is just using our house as a free place to hang while he drinks and pops pills.
its been hard trying to sleep at night knowing there is an emotionally distressed vet who is high on god knows what in my basement. I keep nagging H to tell him he can't stay but nothing happens. I hate being in my house. I hate the vibe there I can't ever relax because I never know when he is coming or going. When H spends time with him he gets dark and depressed. The two of them just feed off each others negativity.
So I woke up at 3am and told H I couldn't stand living like this. I've been driving around in my car and was just noticing how much more relaxed I feel once I get away from the two of them. They are both so draining. I really don't want to stay at my house while this dude is living there. But it pisses me off because it is my house and I shouldn't be the one that has to leave. I'm so angry at H that I don't even want to be around him. Why can't he just grow the f&^k up already and put his family before his drinking buddies. This dude is manipulating him and H is eating it up with both hands. It disgusts me.
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#429946 - 04/03/13 11:05 AM Re: able to breath [Re: HD001]
Rosemary Offline


Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 31
Loc: Johannesburg, South Africa
I can tell that you are very upset by the circumstances and you have every right to be. Helping friends out is great if you are in a position to do so BUT if it is at the expense of your husband's healing and your marriage, it is very dangerous.

You should be able to feel secure and happy in your own home. Now that he is already in your home I think it is perfectly acceptable to put some type of time frame to the situation. Tell your husband that you feel fearful in your own home, as a survivor he will understand the concept of fear. I am not sure if you have children in the home, if there are, my concerns would be for them especially if he is medicating himself illegally.

You need to set the boundaries here because your H is allowing himself to be manipulated, insist he leaves asap.
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South African Male Survivors Of Sexual Abuse
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#430101 - 04/04/13 03:40 PM Re: able to breath [Re: HD001]
HD001 Offline


Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 263
Loc: us
Thanks for validating my feelings. I couldn't agree more. No we don't have children. If we did there would be no way in hell I would let a addict move into my home.
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#430232 - 04/05/13 02:53 PM Re: able to breath [Re: HD001]
Shawushka Offline


Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 128
Loc: VA
Quote:
because it is my house

If it is your house, then why is your husband making decisions about who lives in the basement? If it's yours, then tell the guy to leave - in writing! - and if he doesn't take legal action and have him evicted.
This advice may sound harsh, but the whole environment sounds extremely toxic. It's not good for you.
My husband's csa has put a big strain on our lives/relationship and if I was in your place I'd be livid. Plus, if the guys a vet with pstsd, I hope he has no gun around.

[that doesn't mean I do not feel empathy with the veteran, the contrary I'm ever so sad for people who risk their lives in war over nothing but he needs to find help for his ptsd elsewhere, not in the poster's basement. Maybe she can point some organisations out to him or aks him to contact VA]


Edited by Shawushka (04/05/13 02:55 PM)

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