My parents were not my perps, but they were alcoholics and their neglect certainly set me up for CSA. Moreover, my father was emotionally abusive, constantly critical, and unable to make any positive statement to anybody. He didn't come to my high school or college graduations. Didn't come to my wedding. Never met most of my children. Still I held out the vain hope that someday he would love me, affirm me, see value in me. Never happened.
Then one day he sent an extremely insulting letter to my wife, of course as a way to get at me. Suddenly it dawned on me. "He's never going to change, never going to love me." And "Where does it say I have to keep taking this crap?" I decided then and there I didn't need or deserve any more of his abuse, and cut off all contact. He died last year a bitter old man, and I felt no guilt.
I share this with you because you have the right and the freedom to cut off anybody who has been sexually, physically, or emotionally abusive toward you, even if they are family. You have no obligation to be present at any gathering with the people who sexually abused you, or those who defended them and blamed you. Anybody got a problem with that? Its their problem, not yours.
We all have a hard time putting ourselves first, maybe because our CSA experiences taught us that we just don't matter. ENOUGH! Do what you need to to preserve your emotional well being. Put yourself first.
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "Joni Mitchell