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#43012 - 05/28/01 11:54 PM Why can't I ever be happy with myself?
Anonymous
Unregistered


I'm not sure what is going on with me. I just noticed that i'm never happy, it's always suffering everywere I go. I get very irritated if anyone touches me or gets anywhere close. It's driving me nuts. Anyone here like this?

I really need a hug right now from my sexual abuse and those dudes from school who called me homosexual names for years. It's more like no one understands or cares for me. I'm always rejected. When I have friends they leave me behind and I could never get close. This past school year was bad but not the worst. I did meet some cool people but later they rejected me and I was later very sad since I had no one to sign my year book or atleast a bye for me on the last day. I had the thought that everyone at my school thought I was gay or something and hated me. At least I am attractive but it doesn't get too far.


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#43013 - 05/29/01 01:15 AM Re: Why can't I ever be happy with myself?
Brian B14 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/04/01
Posts: 122
Loc: New York
Hi Michael,

I'm in the process of reading "Abused Boys: The Neglected Victim of Sexual Abuse" by Mic Hunter. It has really helped me to understand some of the things that I do and some of the feelings that I have. It helps me realize that I am not a freak and that I'm not the only one that feels the way I do. I know you just finished school, but you may want to think about picking up a book. It may help you feel better. There are several good books out there.

Good Luck,

Brian


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#43014 - 05/29/01 08:19 AM Re: Why can't I ever be happy with myself?
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
Santos,

[john] hugs santos

Dude, when my abuse first ended i was like a scared wet cat, i didnt want anyone near me, touching me, bugging me in any way, when people reached out to me to be my friend, i could not handle it, i pushed them away, it was a yucky place to be for sure.

It does get better, as you get to know yourself better things lighten up, i was a real mess, i posted my story in the stories section, i think one of the things that helped the most was just some time going by, getting some distance from all of it, i did my best to take care of myself and to give myself some room to heal, i look back and i think it was a lot like being in a real bad car accident, so totally out of control,and it left me all shook up, all the way to my core, people who have not been through it just have no idea what it does to your head.

Give yourself some time to heal, be as nice to yourself as you can, things will get better.

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#43015 - 05/29/01 08:30 AM Re: Why can't I ever be happy with myself?
goflyakiteV Offline
Member

Registered: 05/24/01
Posts: 66
Loc: n.a.
HI SANTOS...CONGRATS ON GRADUATING, AND I AM YOUR FRIEND, WE ALL ARE HERE! TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND LET IT ALL OUT. I UNDERSTAND YOU FEELINGS, YOUR FRIGHT, AND YOUR EAGERNESS TO HAVE FRIENDS. I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS. I'M 53 AND ARE FRIENDLESS! ITS NOT MY CHOSING, PEOPLE JUST DON'T LIKE ME FOR WHAT I AM. I TALK SPORTS, PLAY INSTAMENTS, COOK USE TO BIKE AND SWIM, STILL THEY DON'T LIKE ME. MAYBE IT'S A BLESSING. OH, MY DOG LIKES ME. NO MATTER WHAT I DO OR DON'T DO SHE LIKES ME FOR WHAT I AM! ANYWAY, DON'T BE DISCOURAGED,THINGS CHANGE. EVEN WHEN WE'RE NOT LOOKING. HAVE A PEACEFUL NIGHT..SCOT


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#43016 - 05/29/01 08:37 AM Re: Why can't I ever be happy with myself?
thunderbolt Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 119
Loc: mi
i have had to read many and many books, i also go to counseling which has helped a lot, the main things that bother me the most is the touching, i dont let no one do that, my wife can tell you how difficult that may be, i dont suggest that you go around not touching (unles you like isolation), but you do have to be vary careful on who you let touch you, i dont go for this hug everybody bullshit nether,its a misrable existence that in time (that is what im told ) will past, iv come to belive that in the beging when we started this race we got one step from the starting block before we were clobered, i havent found out if i was killed or just frozen in time, it the ladder that i seem to be living, just walking around filling spaces till god calls my number, dont know if i helped, but good luck, thats what everyone says,,,


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#43017 - 05/29/01 07:03 PM Re: Why can't I ever be happy with myself?
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Guess what, I got called names, beat up too.

Things do get better, and they also go up and down. Be easy on yourself. I have the tendancy to beat myself up. be gentle

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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