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#430151 - 04/05/13 12:35 AM I am being called "weird"
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
I need genuine advice. I worry constantly, about everything. It's one of the gifts left from the SAs. Its also a gift I modeled and passed on to one of my sons. Aren't I a great dad.?

A month or so ago, I posted about needing to change a medical provider because I became uncomfortable with the sexual innuendos I received from the support staff. One of my great triggers are pubic sexual remarks directed to me. Don't like them, always deflect them, find them threatening and humiliating. I don't know if thats a direct result of being molested and raped, but it is me. Doesn't matter if its male or female, I am immediately placed on high alert.

So, to avert the uncomfortable and threatening situation, I left my medical provider. I did not explain to the doctor, but did explain to the young lady sending the harassing texts and making the comments that I was uncomfortable with the situation as the patient, etc. That was a month ago. I "sacrificed" and left. I ended it.

Today, out of the blue, I received another note saying something to the effect that if I am done "being weird", she is done being offended. Guys, the girl is 21 yrs younger than me. I have told her that her remarks and contact has made me uncomfortable as the patient, and I have even withdrawn from the clinic. And today she sent a note calling me "weird". Hell, yes, I am weird. I am fu@@kin weirded out that you are doing this to me. I have kids as old as you. I was a patient in your clinic. You were one of my providers. So, hell yes, call me weird.

I am pissed. I don't need to justify myself for feeling threatened in a patient forum. I don't need to explain I am a survivor of CSA or ASA. It is not this clinics business unless I choose to tell. And my sexual boundaries are being crossed.

Am I correct to consider this inappropriate beyond all means since it is directly related to my health provider(s)? Do I not have the right to say stop and have that request honored? THIS IS A HEALTH PROVIDER!

I just don't know what to do. I don't think I need to note this young lady again, it only creates another instance of contact. Do I make an appointment to see the lead doctor, the owner of the practice?

Am I weirded out because its of a sexual tension nature and I am a survivor? I am so embarrassed by this, but also so pissed that the boundaries I set- and should have been in place before I arrived for services- have been broken. And who is worrying about the issue? Me, of course.

So, what should I do in order to take control of this? Its not unlike being targeted for abuse again. I have the same damn feelings of being in that situation and I don't like it.

And what a great week, the T decides she wanted a spring break trip this week...

b
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#430153 - 04/05/13 01:06 AM Re: I am being called "weird" [Re: ThisMan]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6422
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
"Being Weird" is one of those loaded lines that carry ample messages within. Its modern-day vernacular for "stop rejecting me, there must be something wrong with YOU if you don't want to jump my bones, I'm afraid you don't like me but yer not supposed to like me, yer just supposed to f me and spend money on me and stuff.

I've been at the receiving-end of that line; "OMG...Yer being so weird!" It can also mean "don't you dare cost me what I want because YOU have any issues like values or stuff like that." That came my way when I was happily married and must have appeared as a challenge to de-rail from a proper path.

You are not only fully licensed to tell her to her face to stop, but I think you need to call the Doc and tell him what's up. The girl is poison.
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#430154 - 04/05/13 01:09 AM Re: I am being called "weird" [Re: ThisMan]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
Bill,

The very fact that she recontacted you in any manner a month after the end of a BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP, using the language of a spoiled ex-gf mooning about, proves you were right all along. "I'm done being offended" - for serious? Did that appear on some list in Cosmo or something?

Do not respond and do not doubt yourself. She probably sensed your vulnerability, jitteriness, and it piqued her interest, in a completely inappropriate manner. She might also be one of those HORRIBLE people I utterly HATE who just like to "push people's buttons," because there is a shortage of stray cats for them to set on fire.

If she contacts you again, direct it to her supervisors, and the appropriate medical ethics review board, which will probably suffice to have her career ended immediately.

Sorry you're dealing with this. People are creeps....


Matt
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#430156 - 04/05/13 01:27 AM Re: I am being called "weird" [Re: ThisMan]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1529
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: ThisMan
I have told her that her remarks and contact has made me uncomfortable as the patient, and I have even withdrawn from the clinic......Am I correct to consider this inappropriate beyond all means since it is directly related to my health provider(s)? Do I not have the right to say stop and have that request honored? THIS IS A HEALTH PROVIDER!
Hey ThisMan,

I'm, a nurse so this situation is very disturbing to me. Regardless of your status as a CSA survivor, this young woman's conduct is completely unprofessional and absolutely unacceptable. This is not about your being weird, its about her being unable to conduct herself appropriately in a medical office setting. Its likely that you are not the only one she has behaved this way with.

My suggestion is, document everything you can about her behavior toward you. Make notes about what she said and the date and time she said it. Compile copies of any notes she sent you. Save any text messages she sent to you. Then report her to the owner/manager of the practice, and provide all the documentation. Make it clear that you have asked her to stop and that she hasn't. Tell them that you left their practice because of her harassment. If this individual is a doctor or a nurse, make it clear that you will be filing a complaint with the state medical or nursing board, and then do it. There is no reason to disclose your status as a CSA survivor. It is irrelevant.

You can do this in person, or in writing. If you choose to mail it, send it certified mail with a return receipt requested, so you have proof it was received.

This is one you can win. You deserve a victory.

Jude
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Well, I won't back down
No I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down.
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#430158 - 04/05/13 01:36 AM Re: I am being called "weird" [Re: ThisMan]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3393
Loc: somewhere in Africa
TM -
You are right.
She is wrong.
Report her ass to her boss.
Lee
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Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#430159 - 04/05/13 01:37 AM Re: I am being called "weird" [Re: ThisMan]
Anomalous Offline
Greeter Coordinator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 1346
Hi ThisMan,

Jude posted the information I was going to suggest.

There is no reason you have to put up with this kind of harrassment. Her behavior is unprofessional and inappropriate.

I hope you take Jude's advice to heart and follow through with it.

Do not initiate contact with this person, and save everything she sends to you.

Make several copies of everything. This way you will have a copy for your records, a copy to send to the director/ owner of the practice, a copy for the professional board and, if necessary, a copy for the authorities. If possible, copy the records to disk. You can never have enough backups.

You do not have to tolerate her inappropriate behavior, and it is within your power to make her stop.

Please do not be embarrassed. It is her behavior that is inappropriate. There is nothing wrong with you, nor your reactions to her unprofessional behavior.

Be gentle and kind to yourself.





Anomalous
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Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

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#430163 - 04/05/13 02:45 AM Re: I am being called "weird" [Re: ThisMan]
crazy gecko Offline


Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 309
To me, the first rule in ANY professional setting is "Don't come on to the clients". In a medical practise, it is so much more important due to the intimate nature of the service provided. If this young woman is a medical professional (eg. nurse) she should definitely be reported to the ethics review board. If not, I agree with the advice give above, that the matter should be reported to her employer.

What she did was sexual harassment. Plain and simple. And refusing to be harassed is not weird in any way, shape or form. Continuing to harass someone who not only made it clear that he wasn't interested, but who also happens to be twice your age, is extremely "weird".

And your status as a survivor isn't relevant here at all... perhaps it made you more sensitive, but if you weren't a survivor, what she did would still be highly unprofessional and unethical.
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