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#430127 - 04/04/13 07:52 PM ...
Dave PNW Offline


Registered: 04/03/13
Posts: 121
Loc: Pacific Northwest
...


Edited by dw1972+ (05/30/13 06:11 PM)

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#430134 - 04/04/13 10:23 PM Re: Abused by someone younger. [Re: Dave PNW]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3493
Loc: somewhere in Africa
dw -

I don't know if there is an officially recognized answer to this question - but i'll give you my opinion and experience and feelings about it.

my take on it is - YES - it is possible.

it sounds like you were less knowledgeable and more inexperienced in what you were being initiated into. he was sadly more precocious in his age-inappropriate experience. so he was in a position of greater power or influence and apparently pressured you into activities that you were unprepared for and did not understand or seek or desire at the time. this definitely sounds to me like abuse. he may not have intended it to be harmful to you - but the effects are more important than the intentions, from my perspective.

one of my abusers was a boy the same age as me. we were both 11 and it started toward the end of 5th grade. he wanted to "educate" me in everything he knew about s3x. it started with talk then progressed to both of us showing ours to each other and then to him touching and stimulating me to arousal. (I did not ever touch him or anyone else.) to the surprise of both of us, I was much more developed than him. I became an object of interest and curiosity and he shared the news and I soon became a freak show and toy for anyone in our grade and the ones just above us in middle school who wanted a look and a try at me. though I was the same age as many of them, and more mature physically than most, I was also more sheltered and ignorant of s3xual matters and therefore more vulnerable. I had also been conditioned by a step-dad (the 1st abuser) to be compliant and passive - so I was prime victim material. I see what my peers did as abuse - also bullying - but with a specifically s3xual aspect to it as well.

does that help you at all?
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#430145 - 04/04/13 11:28 PM Re: Abused by someone younger. [Re: Dave PNW]
Jude Online   content


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1588
Loc: New England
Hey DW,

Good job in posing this question. The general requirement for it to be considered abuse is for there to be a power disparity between the two persons. Often that disparity is due to an age difference, but it doesn't have to be.

You describe him as always initiating it and teaching you what to do, and your going along with it because you were lonely. He may have just been a kid wanting to experiment, but he used and manipulated you to do so, and that seems to fit the definition.

Jude
_________________________
Can't be bothered with sorrow
And I can't be bothered with hate, no, no
I'm using up the time but feeling fine every day
That's why I'm telling you
I just want to celebrate another day of livin'
Rare Earth

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#430149 - 04/05/13 12:14 AM .. [Re: Dave PNW]
Dave PNW Offline


Registered: 04/03/13
Posts: 121
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Thanks


Edited by dw1972+ (05/30/13 06:27 PM)

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#430150 - 04/05/13 12:26 AM Re: Abused by someone younger. [Re: Dave PNW]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3493
Loc: somewhere in Africa
dw -

since you are new here, you may not have hear one of the mantras around here -

"There is no hierarchy of abuse."

- meaning that your experience or mine or anyone else's is not necessarily more or less serious. the wounds still go deep. you can bleed to death from a small incision just as surely as from a large gash. so you don't need to compare with others and feel you don't belong or don't have the "right" to be here.

take heart - whatever your story is - there will be someone here that understands. we are here for you.

send me a PM any time if you feel like it.
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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