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#430109 - 04/04/13 06:08 PM Can I have my ramp please?
csasurvivor1992 Offline


Registered: 03/25/13
Posts: 132
Loc: Texas
The Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 addressed the need for special accommodations to be made for people with handicaps. Society recognized that "normal" wasn't necessarily walking on your own two legs. A wheelchaired person isn't necessarily stupid or mentally handicapped.

So they added ramps to buildings. For some, normal is walking up the stairs, for others, it's rolling up the ramp.

I want to live in a society where I can say that I was sexually abused as a child and people understand the implications. I am not handicapped or necessarily stupid.

I want my ramp.

I also want my abuser to rot in prison. But hey, I'm still angry and just started this process, so I'm okay with that.
_________________________
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.

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#430111 - 04/04/13 06:26 PM Re: Can I have my ramp please? [Re: csasurvivor1992]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1038
Hi CSAS92,

You are right that we as CSA survivors have a disability and are due "reasonable accommodation" under the ADA. It would take a landmark court case, I would assume, to unlock those provisions for us, and not even sure what "reasonable accommodation" to CSA survivors could even be quantified as.

I had an issue in graduate school in 2004, where I had a professor who was very triggering to me. I went to the administration about it, just to tell them it was happening, and their first response was to be concerned that I might sue them under the ADA, even though this was very far from my mind at the time.

I look forward to something like this happening in the future, just not sure how that would work.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#430119 - 04/04/13 07:02 PM . [Re: csasurvivor1992]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (04/21/13 11:17 PM)

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#430177 - 04/05/13 09:17 AM Re: Can I have my ramp please? [Re: csasurvivor1992]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3296
Loc: back in the USA
after reading this thread i passed a man on the street who had only one arm. i almost envied him - at least people cut him some slack because they can see his difference and ttherefore he is not expected to do everything as easily as everyone else. (that is of course an exaggeration - i have BDD issues and it would drive me crazy to have that kind of obvious flaw - but the thought did cross my mind.)
Lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#430181 - 04/05/13 09:42 AM Re: Can I have my ramp please? [Re: csasurvivor1992]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1038
Yes,

I've often referred to my CSA issues as being in an invisible wheelchair. No one can see the damage that seems so obvious to us until a situation arises that triggers us to act non-normal.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#430292 - 04/05/13 11:18 PM Re: Can I have my ramp please? [Re: csasurvivor1992]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1892
Loc: durham, north england
Interestingly enough, this is precisely what I've argued in my thesis on disability, that disability is a relational state betwene an individual, their wellbeing and desires and the world, not a specific social grouping, and that our methods of considdering disability currently as only specific groups is utterly wrong. i didn't mention any sort of sa or other trauma, but I did mention depression, especially as depression goes with effort.

i'm not sure of course anyone will take any notice of my thesis at all, but there you go.

Equally however, while I quite understand the issue people have of none visible disability as it applies to sa, it would be equally incorrect to assume that just because people recognize you have a disability people have anything like a reasonable attitude either.

If I walk into a pub or any new group of people, it'll be a good long while before anyone talks to the weerd blind guy, I've been treated as if I'm stupid (one advantage to now being able to insist I'm called doctor), and treated as if I have no personal space, which can be really! triggering, being man handled onto a train even though I didn't ask is not a fun experience, neither is having to ask some shop assistant to get something for me simply because items are labled in a way I cannot read, this is particularly true given the fact I'm an intravert and don't particularly like chatting to random strangers, but am often forced to, and have developed a set of skills to do this.

This is not to say "oh poor me" or to invalidate the point, heck nobody notices my sa either, just to note that being visibly different in society has it's own set of really major problems and accommodations associated with it, just as much as having a disability nobody! can perceive does.

this was why in my thesis, I actually separated out both sets of social attitudes and noted specific problems associated with both sets of circumstances, and why I also suggest altering the way we think of disability entirely.

Luke.

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#430322 - 04/06/13 08:09 AM Re: Can I have my ramp please? [Re: csasurvivor1992]
csasurvivor1992 Offline


Registered: 03/25/13
Posts: 132
Loc: Texas
good point Luke. Just because someone recognizes a disability, doesn't necessarily mean they'll respond or interact appropriately.

I can't help but think if we were less civilized, would we have the luxury to even be discussing this? are we able to emotionally confront our pain because so many other of our primitive survival needs are provided for? would this be an issue for us if we were cavemen, you know, like back in the stone days? I feel so awfully privileged to be able to deal with this instead of "sucking it up" and being a "survivor" of another meaning.

It just sucks.
_________________________
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.

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#430395 - 04/07/13 01:13 AM Re: Can I have my ramp please? [Re: csasurvivor1992]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1892
Loc: durham, north england
Well one paper I've read actually suggsted all this darwinist richard dorkins survival of the fittest thinking as it applies to psychology is a load of rubbish, since as predators humans pretty much are physically outclassed by every other large creature on the planet, and in any situation a wolf, or a lion has far more effective natural weaponry than a human.

This specific writer suggested that actually the only! trait humans had which provided survival value was empathy and cooperation, the ability to actually be concerned for others wellfare and understand others emotions, and use that understanding in cooperative action.

While I don't suggest evolution is wrong (the fact that you can do it with bacteria), There is a horribly smug, very masculine in the stupid sense which many writers like Richard dorkins have, where they posit basically one set of traits (usually their personal favourite ones which come down to being a scummy, interlectualist scumbag), and explain their "survival" value, while in truth since nobody has ever spoken to a nianderhtol we just don't know.

Indeed, on the only occasion I encountered a gorilla in my life, despite the fact that she was twice my weight, I felt far safer around her than around humans, and in fact was shocked by the way she instantly decided to hug me.

From personal experience then, I pretty much don't agree on a lot of evolutionary psychology, since it seems the biggest lot of unfalsifyable hypotheses and interlectual snobbery, and also according to the chap I mentioned there are pretty good grounds to considder our better, more moral side in evolutionary terms as well.

So my personal opinion is yes, cave men probably did deal with the same things, simply because they were cave men! (and women for that matter).

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#430432 - 04/07/13 04:25 PM Re: Can I have my ramp please? [Re: dark empathy]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6806
Loc: USA
I suppose the inner attitude of the perpetrator is that 'they don't have to pay for it.'

I have been reading a lot in a certain book which expresses the many avenues to personal damage I experienced as an abused boy.

Originally Posted By: Frank W. Putnam, MD, Professor of Pediatrics and Psychiatry, Children's Hospital, Cincinnati, Ohio

...child maltreatment is the single most costly public health problem in the United States today. It is a major contributor to scourges ranging from alcohol, tobacco, and drug abuse, to mental illness, AIDS, and violent crime. Of course, child abuse is not solely responsible for every case with these outcomes, but it is a critical risk factor that is preventable.


from the Foreward to the book: Psychological Trauma And The Developing Brain. Neurologically Based Interventions for Troubled Children. By Phyllis T. Stien and Joshua Kendall.

http://www.amazon.com/Psychological-Trauma-Developing-Brain-Neurologically/dp/0789017881/

Puffer

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#430471 - 04/08/13 02:55 AM Re: Can I have my ramp please? [Re: csasurvivor1992]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1892
Loc: durham, north england
Hi Puffer.

I can't speak for others, but I know for a fact one major contributing factor to my own abuse was simply arrested moral developement. usually, kids learn around the age of four or five that other people have feelings that are different from themselves and start acquiring skills of empathy. I've seen too many cases however of people of both genders who simply never learnt this.

if I confronted any of my abusers now, they probably wouldn't even remember, much less countinance the affect their actions had on me after all "It was just a joke"

this is a worrying attitude I've seen in too many people in society. For example, I remember on the news a story about a couple of kids (around 16), who saw an older man having a heart attack on the street, responded with "sorry mate, dont' worry we'll look after your phone" and proceded to literally pull his mobile phone out of his hand and run off.


Fortunately, someone did call the emergency services so the chap was alright, but when interviewed the kids just said "we were only mucking about, we didn't mean any harm"

Yeah, mucking about while someone in front of you has a heart attack?

My brother who is a criminal solicitor actually says that %90 of all the crime he sees is not caused by really serious amounts of malice, but by stupidity and people simply acting without thought or the propper motivations we'd expect of adults.

Of course there are lots of criminals who are genuinely malicious, enjoy power, or believe they won't get caught, but I do wonder how much abuse, even really major abuse is simply caused by people who simply never learnt to think, act, or empathize as adults.

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