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#430038 - 04/03/13 11:03 PM time to fix this crap
moeron42 Offline


Registered: 03/28/13
Posts: 3
Loc: Texas
here it goes. im 35 and a sahd. i was abused by my grandfather from around age 3-8 and the peak of the abuse was the years 5-7 when my mom, sis, and i lived with him.

i tested into all gifted programs throughout school, but still graduated with only a 2.2 gpa (never did homework, only past on test grades) was quickly accepted into the university of tn where i quit before finals my first semester. This became a cycle. I would do a job for two or three months then quit. had lots of opportunities that could have become lucrative careers that i just quit going. all my relationships were the same way. i would treat a girl like a goddess then be sick of her.

that was until i met my wife. for the first time ever my mind was telling me to run away (like i do from everything) and i refused to do it. it led to a small period of cutting, but also made it easier for me to talk about my issues to her.

we have been together 10yrs and have a 3yo and 4yo. my wife is the love of my life. she is very hyper sexual(do to her own problems) and it drives her insane that i am passe about sex. i love sex and i have never had sex on the level that i do with her, but just thinking about sex makes me feel dirty. sex acts dont, but i cant ever get in the mood to have sex because i dont ever want to think about sex. all i want to learn is how to not demonize sex in my mind

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#430045 - 04/03/13 11:28 PM Re: time to fix this crap [Re: moeron42]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3488
Loc: somewhere in Africa
hello, moeron42 - and welcome!

i'm sure you'll find plenty of others here who share some if not all of the same issues you have described. the self-sabotaging is one that i recognize - also the attraction/avoidance aspects in feelings about s3x. i too am married and have 3 kids - all grown up now. this site has been of inestimable value to me in my recovery process. i hope you'll find the resources, support and sense of solidarity here to be helpful, too.

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#430046 - 04/03/13 11:36 PM Re: time to fix this crap [Re: moeron42]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1584
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: moeron42
....but just thinking about sex makes me feel dirty. sex acts dont, but i cant ever get in the mood to have sex because i dont ever want to think about sex. all i want to learn is how to not demonize sex in my mind


Welcome Moeron42,

Good job for posting about this. Alot of guys on MS are right there with you on this. Therapy has helped me alot on sex issues. Most importantly I have learned here that I'm not alone in this. Difficulty with sex and relationships seems to be a common outcome for male survivors. We're all working together here. C'mon board brother.

Jude
_________________________
Can't be bothered with sorrow
And I can't be bothered with hate, no, no
I'm using up the time but feeling fine every day
That's why I'm telling you
I just want to celebrate another day of livin'
Rare Earth

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#430071 - 04/04/13 10:26 AM Re: time to fix this crap [Re: moeron42]
moeron42 Offline


Registered: 03/28/13
Posts: 3
Loc: Texas
not gonna lie, when i first found this message board it terrified me and after i saw that there were people experience similar things i ran away from the site for about a week. But ill never get better unless i make myself deal with crap that makes me feel uncomfortable. i am looking forward to using this community to get better.

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#430076 - 04/04/13 10:56 AM Re: time to fix this crap [Re: moeron42]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3488
Loc: somewhere in Africa
hey, man -

you're doing better than i did. i registered in '06 and after reading a short while and getting overwhelmed - i ran away and forgot about it. i didn't rediscover it until 5 1/2 years later - Nov '11. this time i stuck with it - and am glad i did.

hang in there - but don't overdo it and burn out. you'll make it!
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#430077 - 04/04/13 10:56 AM Re: time to fix this crap [Re: moeron42]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 733
Loc: NJ
Sahd is a great gig. There is the opportunity for a lot of healing there. Welcome!
_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#431385 - 04/16/13 12:36 AM Re: time to fix this crap [Re: moeron42]
Shields Offline


Registered: 08/01/12
Posts: 13
Loc: Georgia
Hey Moeron42,

Can pretty much relate to your entire post. I am the same age, abused by my grandfather, around the same time period in my life, and have similar issues with my wife and sex. There is a lot of good information to read here, if nothing else than just to confirm that you are not alone in this, and that there are many people that are dealing with the same issues. The issues with sex or rather the lack of wanting it have become one of the biggest issues for my wife and I. For me it is very hard to explain what I feel when it comes to sex and why I don't think of it the same way she does. I envy her sexuality and freedom, and wish I could be the same, but that part of recovery for me has been very long and the needle has not really moved a whole lot. I will say that therapy both individual and couples has started to open me up to better understanding sex and desires and has started to crack open that vault that I have kept to myself for so long. I still have a long way to go, but with my willingness to finally talk about it and the support we both get from therapy, I now feel that I will get there (if at my own pace). Keep working at it and you will start seeing changes as well. The hardest part was talking about it, and you are already making great progress there.

Shields

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