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#429964 - 04/03/13 12:53 PM Re: PRAY FOR ME...THIS IS NOT GOOD, or is it??? [Re: overcomer4life]
overcomer4life Offline


Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
Thanks!!! It's hard. This morning I was listening to Kirk Franklin's song "Imagine Me". One line in the song says "I want to live, and not have to read that page again". That is EXACTLY how I am feeling on the inside.

In 2008, a horrible altercation took place between me and my dad concerning this very issue. In that, his brother denied it again and called me a liar. His mom, once again, defended him. Will he be at his mom's funeral in plain view on the front row? YEP!

Of my cousins who also "got me" when I was younger, one of them decided to finish the job in my ear! Can you imagine that? But he will be there with his new wife and their happy, normal life.

I wonder if ANYBODY has thought of what COULD happen if I see either of them!!!! I'm not a violent person by any means, but who knows what that could trigger? What if my uncle wears his Army uniform with all of the wonderful medals that he has received for defending our great country? Everyone will laud him as this wonderful hero...even those who KNOW what he did to me.

For the LIFE of me, I can not understand why anyone who claims to love me would want me to "be the bigger person" and attend her funeral.

MY DECISION: I am going to find out when the viewing is and be the first to show up (before anyone else arrives). I want to stop by, pay my respects and RUN before anyone even knows I was there. I have a friend who works for the funeral home who has the body, and he is somewhat familiar with the situation at hand...so I'll ask him if I can come at an earlier time once she's ready for viewing.

As for Monday's funeral, uh....I'll be at work.


Edited by overcomer4life (04/03/13 12:54 PM)

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#429965 - 04/03/13 12:55 PM Re: PRAY FOR ME...THIS IS NOT GOOD, or is it??? [Re: overcomer4life]
Zug Offline


Registered: 02/18/13
Posts: 56
Loc: Progress
I cut all those people out of my life, best thing I ever did. The shame and guilt is yheirs, let them enjoy it-thats my take.
_________________________
"what matters most is how well you walk through the fire"
-Charles Bukowski


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#429966 - 04/03/13 12:59 PM Re: PRAY FOR ME...THIS IS NOT GOOD, or is it??? [Re: Zug]
overcomer4life Offline


Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
Zug, I agree wholeheartedly.

I think my biggest issue (or, one of them) is that my maternal grandmother is really disappointed in me because I don't want to attend or design the programs. My sister was disappointed in me, and so was my mom...though she eventually said she understood.

WHY BE DISAPPOINTED IN ME? Where is that person who says "I understand exactly how you feel and don't blame you one bit"?

If that's the case, I'll have to cut off my sister, mom, and grandmother too. I already have NO dealings with my dad or his side of the family...going on 35 years. Now this...

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#429967 - 04/03/13 01:01 PM Re: PRAY FOR ME...THIS IS NOT GOOD, or is it??? [Re: overcomer4life]
Daniel_forgotten Offline


Registered: 02/07/09
Posts: 479
oh man, no. You are not evil. THEY are evil. You are my hero. Don't go and feel proud about it

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#429970 - 04/03/13 01:14 PM Re: PRAY FOR ME...THIS IS NOT GOOD, or is it??? [Re: overcomer4life]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3609
Loc: South-East Europe
Dear overcomer4life, I admire your fight and respect toward self.
It is very touchy and somehow significant to me that you wrote one year ago:
"Who cries for the little boy? In this world, there aren't many.
Yet on the team of those who choose to ignore, the membershp is plenty.
Did we listen to his story when he simply wanted to be heard?
Or did we sweep what happened under a rug, refusing to say a word."

It is great that you are taking care for yourself, that you trust and follows your heart and feelings.
Denial is one of the most often used defensive mechanism. I would add that many people use it in a try to avoid dealing with lost opportunities, shameful past and mistreatment of others frown

You buy standing aside of "denial herd" are clearly sending message of integrity and strength. Be sure in power of such message.

(((overcomer4life)))
_________________________
My story

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#429974 - 04/03/13 01:56 PM Re: PRAY FOR ME...THIS IS NOT GOOD, or is it??? [Re: peroperic2009]
overcomer4life Offline


Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
Thanks. I really need the support because I PROMISE YOU this is a rough one.

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#429981 - 04/03/13 02:25 PM Re: PRAY FOR ME...THIS IS NOT GOOD, or is it??? [Re: overcomer4life]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 10:01 PM)

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#429984 - 04/03/13 02:30 PM Re: PRAY FOR ME...THIS IS NOT GOOD, or is it??? [Re: overcomer4life]
overcomer4life Offline


Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
Thanks Geoff.

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#429991 - 04/03/13 03:00 PM Re: PRAY FOR ME...THIS IS NOT GOOD, or is it??? [Re: overcomer4life]
overcomer4life Offline


Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
Thanks for bringing that poem back to my mind. Reading those words (and slightly revising it) actually helped me process some things.

IN HONOR OF CHILD ABUSE AWARENESS MONTH (and in the midst of how I feel regarding the situation at hand):

Who cries for the little boy? In this world, there aren't many.
Yet on the team of those who choose to ignore, the membership is plenty.
Did we listen to his story when he simply wanted to be heard?
Or did we sweep what happened under a rug, refusing to say a word?

What made us NOT believe him? Why couldn’t his words be felt?
Why have we forced him to carry shame that should belong to someone else?
Someone else who “somehow forgot” that anything ever took place…
Someone else who walks around with a careless smile on their face…

Someone else whose medals and accolades paint them as a great hero…
Someone who sits on top of the world, while the little boy lives at ground zero!
Is right for him to feel guilty when he didn’t commit the crime?
That's what our actions strongly suggest when we ignore it, time after time.

Little boy, I believe you!

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