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#430011 - 04/03/13 05:47 PM Re: All Due Respect [Re: Life's A Dream]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 10:03 PM)

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#430052 - 04/04/13 03:00 AM Re: All Due Respect [Re: Still]
Kas Offline


Registered: 08/06/12
Posts: 15
[Edited at user request, by Modteam]


Edited by ModTeam (04/05/13 12:48 AM)
Edit Reason: User Request

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#430074 - 04/04/13 10:40 AM Re: All Due Respect [Re: Still]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
You guys are correct. The cousin guy who abused me when I was 4 and off and on for a couple years- til 9 actually- recently received accolades from my eldery mom. It's just what you all have said... "Look what HE'S done. Look at the bravery and strength....". He wrote this tremendous multi-page letter to my momma expounding upon his new found love of God and the forgiveness he has achieved. He now has "a cancer", sorry 'bout your luck dude, and he thinks he may do the Lord's will, yatta, yatta, yatta....

She said, "He- the cousin- has had so much to deal with in life, what with all his trials and tribulations and now he's sick and standing up tall for the Lord... just look what he is doing !" And I am thinking, mom, I know what he DID to me and I am certain to others. And I think you know. I know you know.

And regarding the children of CSA. Or all victims of sexual assault for that matter... all we need to do is tune into the news to see groups of people massing to support the perps. ...Pennsylvania, Ohio.... the Today Show.... That segment of society makes me cringe with anger.

Thanks for the dialogue, Still and LAD. I didn't realize the issue of glorifying the perp was standing in my backyard as well. No wonder I have "unresolved" issues.

bill
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#430091 - 04/04/13 12:47 PM Re: All Due Respect [Re: Still]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6602
Loc: FEMA Region 1
@Kas...thanks for expressing the knee-jerk stuff. I usually don't have your discipline and start typing too soon. I did not read the balance of your text cuz I can't handle one more trigger...sorry.

@All thread-bros

I've been expressing something since the days of disclosure. There's something I have never received from the people I truly ned to hear it from. I THINK there's enough conventional wisdom out there for any slack-jawed, knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing moron to know to tell us something...to tell ME something.

I need to hear "It was not your fault!" I heard that from my ex-wife a few times, but with frustrations in dealing with me, she later retracted that.

I don't have much family left, and most friends have run for the exit doors. But I really need to hear it from my Father and my one remaining Sister.

I feel like the absence of that statement is a kick in the balls...just about 12 times a day. My father was a physical and psychological abusive alcoholic who fucked up my psyche something fierce...and i've confronted him over that. I also made it clear to him that I could never seek help, shelter or comfort from the person I should have. I was, in effect, Fatherless.

I've told him however, "it was not his fault."

My Sister was fully absent in my life as she stayed away to avoid home-based violence. Upon disclosure, she said "wow, I'm sorry I never knew...but I was never around during your childhood." I returned with "well hey! Don't be sorry!!!!...it was not your fault."

I let THEM off the hook. I really need to be let off the hook too.

But I know they look at me and see the kid who "let it go on for too long."

They see the kid who everyone thought was an insane child, and that maybe they were right.

If I heard those words from them, my healing would advance over the stupid speed-bumps that have halted my progress. My healing would be released to flourish.

I think any moron would know to say those words...which makes the absence of those words so much more painful.
_________________________
I'm "that guy."

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#430105 - 04/04/13 05:06 PM Re: All Due Respect [Re: Still]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1396
Loc: kansas
.



Edited by Obi (05/03/13 06:03 PM)
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live another day. climb a little higher.

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#430107 - 04/04/13 06:01 PM Re: All Due Respect [Re: Still]
csasurvivor1992 Offline


Registered: 03/25/13
Posts: 132
Loc: Texas
that's what i've been thinking lately... prosecuting and preventing child abuse seems like a luxury in a civilized society.

that, for me, goes to the question of Darwinism... I didn't decide to be abused, but am I damaged goods because of it? Natural selection? I was somehow in the wrong place at the wrong time so I don't deserve to experience life fully?

It's an awful thought train, untrue, and easily halted. But society as a whole certainly rejects the notion that the boy victims are blameless in their responses. But I am blameless. It's not my fault.

i'm starting to understand that there's a "mold" we all have to fit in. well i'm sorry, I just don't fit in that mold. And, based on my experiences, I am normal. all that society largely doesn't know is why I am "normal." they don't know i was a CSA victim...

if we can get that truth out there, change what "normal" really means... it would be better.

Kinda like the law that says there will be a handicapped entry to public buildings. Being in a wheelchair can be debilitating, but its that person's normal and society has adjusted appropriately.

Can I have my ramp please?
_________________________
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.

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#430110 - 04/04/13 06:24 PM Re: All Due Respect [Re: Life's A Dream]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6602
Loc: FEMA Region 1
Originally Posted By: Life's A Dream
Old perppy had this thing where he was constantly bragging to me about how he was able to forgive himself. So, the perps do okay with the forgiveness, Still. I don't know what your problem is (sarcasm). He forgives himself. You know what I said to him "Hey, great, that's great that you can forgive yourself and you're basking in the rosey glow of God's love- meanwhile the children you perped are on their way to hell cuz you've destroyed any concept they might have ever had of a loving God" He's VERY Christian and into forgiveness- hence the language I used there.


I'm going to try to not ignite the entire internet and send it into my new definition of rage over this Perp....

HE is not allowed to forgive himself. HE did not do a wrong against HIMSELF. HE did not poison HIS entire life (lives of the children) to be able to write his own pass. Only God can forgive him and the jury is Still out IMO!

He's fundamentally F U C K E D in the skull if he thinks he can wield his own, counterfeit "Get Out Of Hell" pass.
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I'm "that guy."

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#430113 - 04/04/13 06:30 PM Re: All Due Respect [Re: Obi]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6602
Loc: FEMA Region 1
Originally Posted By: Obi
still,

are you prepared to possibly never hear those words from those that you claim you need to hear them from?

can you work through it knowing that you have others, like myself, who do say and know it's NOT your fault?



Prepared? I don't think so. If i were prepared, i think i could move-on without it. But I need to hear from the only people left from those days and that life that they don't blame me.

I want to be "let-off-the-hook." Told that I was not the vile creature as I saw myself back then. That I was not the kid who truly was nuts (as claimed by many)...truly weak and pathetic as claimed by Dean (lead perp), as claimed by every sports-oriented father in the hood...as seen by peers and freely expressed.

Until then, I think I'm destined to remain that pathetic wretch of a sociopath child who would not even protect himself without a knife.

Yeah...I pretty much Still hate that kid and think very little of him.

I think I'm seeking a sort of "forgiveness."
_________________________
I'm "that guy."

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#430124 - 04/04/13 07:32 PM Re: All Due Respect [Re: Still]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6602
Loc: FEMA Region 1
Yup! ALL DUE RESPECT !

This piece of crap was on my FB page. Left by a friend....a friend who represents a sample of our society.

_________________________
I'm "that guy."

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#430142 - 04/04/13 11:06 PM Re: All Due Respect [Re: Still]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1396
Loc: kansas
...


Edited by Obi (05/03/13 06:03 PM)
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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