I know if you're reading this you've lost all respect for me by now. But it's like an irresistable compulsion to act it out.
None of us can criticize you because we have all acted out sexually, in unhealthy ways that put ourselves at risk and in danger. We've all had our sexuality twisted in one way or another.
Nonetheless, I have to ask that you consider that your father's tracking of your online activities is less of an issue
than are the activities themselves.
You seem to be looking for degradation and humiliation. You admit that its not pleasurable, but rather a compulsion. It is not criticism or disrespect for us to say "thats not healthy for you, not safe for you, and not what you deserve."
Whatever your father is up to, you (and all of us) need to pursue a healthy, safe, and self-respecting sexuality for yourself. I'm not saying thats easy. God knows it hasn't been easy for me. But you can start just by making it your goal. We'll support you in seeking that if you decide its what you want.
Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to screamJoe Cocker