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#429781 - 04/02/13 12:35 AM Re: Was anyone ever used in child porn? [Re: jasondoe101]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1038
Jeff,

Good to see you again. Was thinking about you.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#429817 - 04/02/13 12:36 PM Re: Was anyone ever used in child porn? [Re: lapchinj]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2433
Loc: TEXAS
Jason, my fraternal brother.

Had seen this post a bit earlier, I was in a quandary in making a comment.

First, like you i fell in genuine love with the person whom had used me. I still love him to this day, but in a different way. There are a few of your brothers that share those same feelings. One of our brothers here in trying to help me to come to terms about it gave me a possible explanation why this happens to us. It was titled the Stockholm Syndrome.

Fortunately i was not sold into kiddie porn. but there are a few of my brothers here whom i care deeply for who were. I try and help them along as best as i can. But, about the only real help that i can offer them & now you, my fraternal brother, Jason. Is the only thing that i possess besides my name as everything else was taken from me as that young boy ("mom.)" Is
my Compassion, Understanding, hope & love.

I sure hope &...gulp...pray that you and those others can come to terms with themselves in their journey to survival.

Jeff, my brother, great to see you here, you are sorely missed.

Wishing all my brothers here well in healing & life.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.


Edited by petercorbett (04/02/13 03:00 PM)
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#429835 - 04/02/13 02:34 PM Re: Was anyone ever used in child porn? [Re: jasondoe101]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 09:59 PM)

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#429849 - 04/02/13 04:50 PM Re: Was anyone ever used in child porn? [Re: jasondoe101]
lapchinj Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1166
Loc: New York
Thanks guys, I'm a little fucked up but I shouldn't have done what I did with my posts, it was very selfish of me.

But this thread belongs to Jason

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Depression Feels Like Home, and Happiness is Just a Place I Visit

It will get better....

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#429918 - 04/03/13 08:16 AM Re: Was anyone ever used in child porn? [Re: jasondoe101]
Survivinguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/09
Posts: 310
Loc: Colorado
Trigger warning:

My dad took photos of me and my brother undressing and then touching each other. He treated it as a game and told us it was to see how brave we could be. He told us touching each other was something only boys do and moms dont know because they dont have penises. The photographing started around 1974. I believe he used the photos to gain access to a child sex ring which he traded me into several, several times from about age 6 to age 11 or 12. I expect the photos still exist. I was likewise tortured by him and other men. I never understood what happened that made them switch from molesting and raping me to torturing me except perhaps to prevent me from disassociating.

And my other two cents: we aren't here to judge your relationship with your abuser. We are here to support you and to hear you.

Stay strong.
_________________________
Survivinguy

============================================
I have to survive and I hope to thrive.

Alumni Dahlonega WoR May 2010
Alumni Sequoia WoR March 2012

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#429999 - 04/03/13 04:14 PM Re: Was anyone ever used in child porn? [Re: jasondoe101]
lapchinj Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1166
Loc: New York
Hey survivinguy,

Those pics do exist and are probably all over the net by this time. My pics from 50 years ago are on many sites and I would imagine the videos also although I never saw the videos even after they were made.

Thanks for mentioning your 2 cents about the relationship with the abuser. I have the same problem as Jason even though I know now that my sfather (surrogate father) sold me to the movies where I was viciously beaten for the smallest infraction. I'm really glad that you stressed that, thanks from me also.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Depression Feels Like Home, and Happiness is Just a Place I Visit

It will get better....

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#430035 - 04/03/13 10:34 PM Re: Was anyone ever used in child porn? [Re: lapchinj]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6806
Loc: USA
I'm also just curious as to whether the vids of the kiddie porn using me are still out there. The celluloid film would have crumbled, but perhaps it got turned into a dvd. I will not go looking for it. That would be foolish and if I found it I would probably become very ill.

Puffer

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#430073 - 04/04/13 10:35 AM Re: Was anyone ever used in child porn? [Re: jasondoe101]
moeron42 Offline


Registered: 03/28/13
Posts: 3
Loc: Texas
My abuser locked me in a room with one of my friends and wouldnt let us out until we had sex together. he filmed it. when torrenting started getting to be a big thing i use to try to find it. then i realized that this was a felony.

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#430702 - 04/10/13 12:05 AM Re: Was anyone ever used in child porn? [Re: jasondoe101]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 241
Loc: Germany
For six years I was used in child porn by men I met online, most of whom were abroad in the US or UK. They not only did webcamming with me, but had me send pics and videos- who knows, maybe they also recorded me or took screen shots.

My stomach turns thinking about it and reading this thread has been rather triggering for me.

I have never really given it much thought if that stuff is out there, but I was abused by 100s of men, and I don't doubt it. However, dwelling on such a painful "what if" only continues a spiral of counter-productivity to my healing.

How do you fellow survivors of CSA- but particularly child porn- cope and recover from these experiences? Mine has left me with depression/anxiety and PTSD
_________________________
H.U.G.S.- Helping Us Grow Spiritually

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#430712 - 04/10/13 01:36 AM Re: Was anyone ever used in child porn? [Re: jasondoe101]
lapchinj Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1166
Loc: New York
Hey Jaybro

That's what it leaves us with, you're not an exception. I do have to add something I said before and that is your shit is all over the web. My stuff is 40 and 50 years old and it was in magazines that were sold in newsstands in Manhattan back in the 60's and underground after that until the net came along. Now I can see myself in black and white and color. The movies that were made of me are probably videos and are also on the net someplace. But I never saw those back then or now. I don't think I would want to see those videos. Our shit is traded like baseball cards. So it would go something like I will give you a picture of a 13 year old for 3 8 year olds. These guys are really sick, sick, sick. Sicker than you can imagine.

The only difference with me is that I was used in the flesh. I was pimped, beaten, tortured and had a lot of photo shoots and movies made.

Cope? It's hard but you have to hook up with a good T that is experienced in CSA and trauma and get to a shrink for some meds. I does make it easier in that the meds make you more stable while your T tries to straighten out your mind. But coping is still hard, at least for me.

Hopefully no one will recognize your pictures and if they do what the hell are they doing on those sites. It was easier for me in that no other pictures were taken of me after I was 10 years old aside from the porn.

Getting the right T is important. I'm still very fucked up but if I didn't get my T and he didn't get me a shrink for meds I wouldn't be here today. I know that for a fact.

Good luck and heal well smile

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Depression Feels Like Home, and Happiness is Just a Place I Visit

It will get better....

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