you have nothing to be ashamed of (referring to your edit note.) this is well-written and expresses sentiments that i'm sure many of us can identify with and have often felt.
i have found writing to be very therapeutic. the process itself helps me sort out my thoughts and emoptions and identify and connect them. and sharing it helps too - in another way - as others respond and affirm you. please let me gently encourage you to keep on writing and keep on sharing. it benefits us as well as you.
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9