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#429629 - 03/31/13 01:03 PM Re: never held **trigger** [Re: Still]
SoccerStar Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
It looks like a choke-out sleeper hold and the look on the boy's face is neither happy nor peaceful. You don't wrap the neck from behind like that, you just don't. I hate to say this but I think this illustrates how people can need male touch so much that they're attracted to an example of it being done "wrong".
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#429683 - 03/31/13 11:21 PM Re: never held **trigger** [Re: Still]
Chase Eric Offline
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Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1283
The picture seems to be trying to make some kind of a contrasting statement between young and old, and the black & white format speaks to an "artistic" intent. Yet the pose is awkward and seems contrived. My first impression is that the embrace looks more than threatening - it seems the kind of hold one would use to twist or break someone's neck.

Originally Posted By: Still
Picture linked is of a shirtless boy being held by his shirtless father.

A couple of items I notice seem to belie that. The texture of the older person's skin - especially in the creases on the left elbow and the tops of the hands - suggests that person is too old to be a parent, especially to such a young child. The relative ages are probably more like grandparent/grandchild than parent/child (not implying those are the relationships - just the relative generational ages). Also, I can't help but think the older person is a female. The nipples are just too low on the chest, suggesting the sagging flat breasts of an older woman. That's what I see, at least.

I am not a parent, but I had a great relationship with my father that was not touch-inhibited - he was certainly not afraid to hug me and show physical affection. So frankly, this picture is "off" to me not as a "trigger" but more like a really bad lounge act.
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#429728 - 04/01/13 12:54 PM Re: never held **trigger** [Re: Still]
Still Offline
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Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6367
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Wow! I'm just NOT seeing the sinister nature that you folks are seeing. I see a boy who is down and recving a reassuring hug and sort of head-hold from Dad or Grampa. To me, the kids expression is purely of sadness and not any sort of strain, horror or fear.

But hey....what do I know about physical affection. But I was alarmed by it at my very heart...but i just don't see "disturbing" or "sinister." Sorry to have posted what sounds like it was offensive.


Edited by Still (04/01/13 01:25 PM)
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#429730 - 04/01/13 01:09 PM Re: never held **trigger** [Re: Still]
bodyguard8367 Offline
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Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 09:58 PM)

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#429732 - 04/01/13 01:27 PM Re: never held **trigger** [Re: bodyguard8367]
Still Offline
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Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6367
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: bodyguard8367
I only knew two emotions from my father:
Disaproval and Anger/Rage.

I didn't get hugs, I got beat.

I didn't get love, I got ignored.

I don't see the photograph as being very affectionate. Maybe like a headlock? I see the boy submitting, and keeping his eyes down for fear of upsetting the others...I see the father's "embrace" as a control. The boy must have been running around and got into trouble. (Moments later the boys averted eyes will be filling with tears and his skin will be bruising).



Dang! What's wrong with my warped mind then? I'm just not seeing violence or violent intent.
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#429736 - 04/01/13 02:06 PM Re: never held **trigger** [Re: Still]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
Still,

You know nothing is wrong with you.

I didn't know love and can't recognize it.

I share it with my son now, but I don't know....it isn't the same as the profound neglect of my youth.

It was my own filter, not yours Still..

Geoff

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#429737 - 04/01/13 02:10 PM Re: never held **trigger** [Re: Suwanee]
Magellan Offline
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Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1390
Loc: California
I agree with this observation. As a filmmaker / photographer, I found the posted photo staged, and inauthentic. In the context of the question, I found it troublesome. "Possessive" quality, indeed.

As far as the question, yes, I have the same experience. A lack of intimacy in this way from any male role models as a young child.

There were 2 occasions when I remember seeing my step dad and my step grandfather naked (2 different occasions!) and felt immense shame and embarrassment over seeing them that way. I had already been molested by my cousin and was in a 'relationship' with him during those times as well.

Deep, deep shame. Blocked me from experiencing any authentic intimacy with my older role models.


Originally Posted By: Suwanee
Still,

That picture just doesn't seem right. It may be a photographer's attempt to be "edgy" with or without any prurient intentions. Whatever the case, my own father was loving and caring--but he didn't hug me like that. My issue (and his) is more the quantity of father-son time, not the quality of it. I really am troubled that many, many people were betrayed by their parents---whether through selfishness, mental illness, or just plain meaness. The parent-child bond is crucial. Those who miss this important interaction and still grow up to be loving, caring parents in their own right are to be commended.

We have a number of pictures from swim meets or at the beach where either or both of my parents are hugging me when I'm not wearing a shirt. They are spontaneous snap shots....this one is posed and a llittle too "possessive" in my opinion.

Will
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#429742 - 04/01/13 02:50 PM Re: never held **trigger** [Re: Magellan]
Still Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6367
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: Magellan
I agree with this observation. As a filmmaker / photographer, I found the posted photo staged, and inauthentic. In the context of the question, I found it troublesome. "Possessive" quality, indeed.

As far as the question, yes, I have the same experience. A lack of intimacy in this way from any male role models as a young child.

There were 2 occasions when I remember seeing my step dad and my step grandfather naked (2 different occasions!) and felt immense shame and embarrassment over seeing them that way. I had already been molested by my cousin and was in a 'relationship' with him during those times as well.

Deep, deep shame. Blocked me from experiencing any authentic intimacy with my older role models.


Originally Posted By: Suwanee
Still,

That picture just doesn't seem right. It may be a photographer's attempt to be "edgy" with or without any prurient intentions. Whatever the case, my own father was loving and caring--but he didn't hug me like that. My issue (and his) is more the quantity of father-son time, not the quality of it. I really am troubled that many, many people were betrayed by their parents---whether through selfishness, mental illness, or just plain meaness. The parent-child bond is crucial. Those who miss this important interaction and still grow up to be loving, caring parents in their own right are to be commended.

We have a number of pictures from swim meets or at the beach where either or both of my parents are hugging me when I'm not wearing a shirt. They are spontaneous snap shots....this one is posed and a llittle too "possessive" in my opinion.

Will


I do realize its a stock piece and was clearly set-up, but again....I saw love in-physical affection. I'm keying-off the kid's expression and calmly-clsed eyes.

Maybe its all cuz I loved fully submitting to Dean....(the lead perp). It was the ONLY time I felt anything like love, attention, affection. It burned right to my soul with warmth.

That's probably where my "difference" originates. Sorry for bringing it up.

I won't delete the link as future readers will say "WTF R they talking about??"
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#429743 - 04/01/13 02:59 PM Re: never held **trigger** [Re: Still]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1390
Loc: California
Don't apologize. I found it rather revealing about how abuse impacts our perceptions.

Thank you for posting and for asking.
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Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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#429765 - 04/01/13 10:11 PM Re: never held **trigger** [Re: Still]
genedebs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 285
Loc: MO
Hi still,

It looks like the child is being held. The arm under the chin does not reach the throat so it does not appear to be violent to me. I am triggered by any photograph of partially naked boys. My mother directed me undressing for her photographer friend when I was 12.

My father's standard dress in the house was a t shirt and socks. Always his genatles (sp) showing. I am thankful her rarely hugged me in that dress. He would demonstrate his strength by putting pressure on us. It was just another form of abuse. He yelled daily and hit one of us boys weekly and my mother weekly.

It also reminds me of having to initiate hugs to get them from my mother, In the last years of my fathers life I hugged him regularly and told him I loved him. Eventually he learned to hug me back.

I am struggling to acknowledge my losses. (If I never had it how could I lose it?) It is good to see the perspective of what it represents to you. And that that demonstration of affection is normal, tells me that physical affection from a parent given as a gift and with no reprecusions attached is one of the many aspects of my childhood that is a loss.

Thank you for sharing the loss you felt. You you find the healing for that loss. Remember we all have different stories and we all are just the same.

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