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#429631 - 03/31/13 01:38 PM Was anyone ever used in child porn?
jasondoe101 Offline


Registered: 12/22/12
Posts: 37
Were you the only one?
How did the abuser get you to do it?
Did he disseminate it?

My abuser (I use that term lightly since I still have affection for him and please don't start lecturing me from your soapbox about it) took pictures and other media. It was like a game but after awhile, I did not even notice. And yes, he put it out there and I have seen it.

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#429633 - 03/31/13 01:54 PM Re: Was anyone ever used in child porn? [Re: jasondoe101]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south




Edited by ThisMan (03/31/13 11:08 PM)
Edit Reason: poster's preference
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#429634 - 03/31/13 02:02 PM Re: Was anyone ever used in child porn? [Re: ThisMan]
jasondoe101 Offline


Registered: 12/22/12
Posts: 37
[quote=]Modteam removed[/quote]
Reply removed.


Edited by ModTeam (03/31/13 10:57 PM)

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#429635 - 03/31/13 03:01 PM . [Re: jasondoe101]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (04/21/13 11:10 PM)

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#429641 - 03/31/13 05:50 PM Re: Was anyone ever used in child porn? [Re: jasondoe101]
Tanis2105 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/16/10
Posts: 47
Loc: SW Florida
Jasondoe101,

My T has been working on this issue and other points as it is a major roadblock in my recovery. I can tell you that my abuser took pictures and films of me both alone and with others and to this day (35 years later) I still find it difficult to talk about or deal with. He used Mike whom he called his ďnephewĒ to instigate it and eventually it turned into a game and later a tool to keep us quiet. In the beginning it didnít seem wrong but as time went on it just became a nightmare.
Like you I too have affection for this man as the bond and trust was that strong, any who judge you for that just donít understand. I canít say if anything ever got out as the internet wasnít around for public use in the mid 70ís but my fear is that material is out there and someday will come back to haunt me. You are a strong person to even ask this question and I hope you can find peace and healing here.

Tanis2105
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsnCq24hu9w

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#429658 - 03/31/13 08:36 PM Re: Was anyone ever used in child porn? [Re: jasondoe101]
txb Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 209
Originally Posted By: jasondoe101
Were you the only one?
How did the abuser get you to do it?
Did he disseminate it?

My abuser (I use that term lightly since I still have affection for him and please don't start lecturing me from your soapbox about it) took pictures and other media. It was like a game but after awhile, I did not even notice. And yes, he put it out there and I have seen it.


No, it was me and his nephew.

He just told me I was doing it. I didnít have any choice. At first he said he wanted the pictures to remind him of us when we went home. I always hated it. Looking at the pictures he had of other kids always made me feel sick. I knew he wasnít just making them for himself and that heíd show them to other people.

Sorry Iím not actually sure what disseminate meansÖ if it means the same as distribute then he used the internet. I donít know if he got money for them or if he just traded them with other weirdos.

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#429672 - 03/31/13 10:35 PM Re: Was anyone ever used in child porn? [Re: jasondoe101]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1045
Remaining fond of your abuser is not an uncommon phenomenon. There's a term for it: trauma bonding.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#429684 - 03/31/13 11:24 PM Re: Was anyone ever used in child porn? [Re: cant_remember]
jasondoe101 Offline


Registered: 12/22/12
Posts: 37
Comment removed by Modteam

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#429694 - 04/01/13 12:16 AM Re: Was anyone ever used in child porn? [Re: jasondoe101]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
I report my abuse in making of kiddie porn in pufferfish story part 1.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...2889#Post212889

I was only 3 when it started but I was soon to be 4. It must have started soon after we moved into that area and lasted until we left about eight months later. No, I did not know what a movie camera was when I was that age. I remembered that "perp" was looking at a large black box while we boys were "performing" on a bed under a large skylight. Perp was a famous cartoonist and probably borrowed a movie camera from work. Years later my mother told me the names of the other boys. I only knew their first names then. (Robert and Robbie) Yes, they were children and grandchildren of some significant Hollywood persons. I do not feel free to present their names here. The perp took me to the cartoon studio where the cartoonists worked. I have recognized the interior of the studio in a compilation of cartoons from that period of time. Also the inside of the studio is pictured in some photos online. Perp's photo is online multiple times. It strongly resembles the drawing I made of him soon after I remembered these events. There is a lot of information about him online and in books. My family residence was in a special area where some significant persons in the movie industry were living (Lido Island, CA). John Wayne and others lived nearby.

So, was I just a dumb little kid? Not expected to remember all this?

I have answered the question of 'how he got me to do it' in my pufferfish story part 1.

No, I did not feel affection toward him. He was a very selfish man. This fact did not escape me even at my tender age. These kinds of opinions have been formed by his associates and they are available online.

What happened there in being (ab)used in making kiddie porn damaged me for the rest of my life. I have suffered long-lasting symptoms, dissociative disorder, social isolation, depression, PTSD, dyslexia, and ADHD. Also, i'm sure that abuse rendered me susceptible to being abused later by others.

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (05/08/13 05:18 PM)

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#429780 - 04/01/13 11:56 PM Re: Was anyone ever used in child porn? [Re: jasondoe101]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1227
Loc: New York
Hey Jason,

I didn't think that I would be back here because of my own shit but someone let me know about you. I don't know why the modteam would remove your posts but you will get to know what might be too triggering or improper to say here. It's usually for good reasons so don't let it get you down. I've had similar situations but you kind of get used to the flow with time so don't let it bother you too much, they do mean well and care for the good of the general population here.

I think that you will do well to get involved here. First of all for your benefit but you will also be able to help others with their shit. It is not easy but you come to belong to a brotherhood which I sort of betrayed by disappearing from the site. I have to thank one of my friends here for telling me about you and it is because of you that I returned even if it's only for this one post.

Stay here and get involved, you will never find a better bunch of guys that knows from where you're coming that the people you will find here. There is a mess of help available to you here and you will heal with their help. but it's give and take and you need to get involved.

I hope I was able to help you a little and to know that you aren't alone. Your story is not unheard of. I know I didn't leave my profile up here or my avatar or signature but just know that you should stay and get involved and not fuck up and leave like I did, stay involved.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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