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#429707 - 04/01/13 09:00 AM Re: Good relationship with your abuser?? [Re: Farmer Boy]
DavoSwim Offline

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 379
Loc: Iowa, USA
I'm very happy for you that you are able to forgive your brother and as a result establish a healthy adult relationship with your brother

#429717 - 04/01/13 10:43 AM Re: Good relationship with your abuser?? [Re: Farmer Boy]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3815
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Farmer boy Lee -

so good to hear that the time with your brother went as well as it did. i was very concerned. sounds like one key was trying not to have expectations that were too specific. glad you were able to do that. of course the anxiety is harder to control.

it does sound like you have made some progress here. not least - the fact that you went through a very triggering situation for an extended period of time and didn't fall apart or melt down.

another great point is that he didn't deny anything - and seems to be leaving the door open to further discussion in the future - that is pretty significant - considering that you have lots of support and have been working on this for some time - and apparently he has not had that.

i respect and admire you for having such mercy on him and would hope that he recognizes this too. that might be a means of strengthening your bonds. it would be wonderful if you could support one another.

stick close to "home" and take it easy for a while, if you can. in my experience, there is sometimes a big emotional let-down that follows an intense event like this. we are here for you.

traveler lee
There’s a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, ’tis not to come. If it be not to come, it will be now. If it be not now, yet it will come—the readiness is all. - Hamlet, Act 5, sc 2

#429757 - 04/01/13 06:56 PM Re: Good relationship with your abuser?? [Re: Farmer Boy]
focusedbody Offline

Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 447
Loc: NY
Hey, Farmer Boy:

I'm glad you were able to speak to your brother.

I agree with Traveler. Take good care of yourself in the next couple of weeks.

When in doubt, breathe, and breathe again.

Lose the drama; life is a poem.

#429792 - 04/02/13 08:10 AM Re: Good relationship with your abuser?? [Re: Farmer Boy]
Joe44040 Offline

Registered: 12/28/12
Posts: 10
Loc: Ohio

Your growth in understanding what you have been through and your processing/being fully present to achieve the life you want and deserve is amazing. I couldn't be more proud and elated for you, my brother.

Much love,

"As a man in his last breath
drops all that he is carrying
each breath is a little death
that can set us free."

#429831 - 04/02/13 02:24 PM Re: Good relationship with your abuser?? [Re: Farmer Boy]
Shyshark Offline

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 617
Loc: Canada
Hi Lee ...

I'm so very proud of you.

Experience is a brutal teacher.

#429873 - 04/02/13 08:38 PM Re: Good relationship with your abuser?? [Re: Farmer Boy]
wearytraveler Offline

Registered: 01/12/13
Posts: 49
Loc: living in the now and not the ...

Edited by wearytraveler (11/10/13 07:00 AM)
I have left this site and am no longer a member to those who I met while here I wish you well I no longer reside in my own past but have moved on and facing what is now and what is ahead. My past no longer defines me, and it does not effect the course of who I am and my future.

#432707 - 04/28/13 07:31 AM Re: Good relationship with your abuser?? [Re: Farmer Boy]
Jacob S Offline

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 619
Loc: where the shadows lie
Thank you for sharing that, BP. That was brave.

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