Well Life's, "TRIGGERS"
And all the others
I am not homosexual, but I have friends who are and who have enjoyed anal sex since their teens. So I am certain it is possible for an individual who is raping you to be kind and gentle. Remember, rape is not primarily sexual, it is an issue of power. If you experienced sexual pleasure, that is not unusual. To avoid the pain is not an indicator one way or the other of abuse and betrayal.
For some individuals it lessens their guilt by carefully avoiding hurting their prey. One of the individuals I sponsored in AA molested his children. He explained how he was careful not to hurt them but that molesting them was irrisistible.
I am aware that for me, my anal rape occurred when I was 14, and it did hurt even though some kind of lube was used ( he squeezed it on from a ketchup bottle). But, there was little that I would suggest was gentle in my rapes and sexual abuse. Certainly he did not perform the anal rape in any way that resulted in any sexual pleasure on my part. When he orally molested me I had the pleasure from the orgasms and ejaculations. But, when he made me orally stimulate him, or fucked my mouth, he took no responsibility for my pleasure, and I certainly knew no better.
Power, control, manipulation, humiliation, are all aspects of childhood sexual abuse. When this leads to sexual pleasure or not, does not change the acts.
There are some experiences which are more difficult to understand since they do not directly involve sex. For example my mother had me undress for her friend the photographer to take pictures when I was 12. This action by my mother to generate pornography of her son is incest. but their was nothing sexual about it. My mother did not embarrass me until she told the photographer to cut down the pictures so I wouldn't be embarrassed when I got older.
Knowing what the mechanics were did not in anyway make me more aware of the effect. I may also have never known the difference between the experience of the event and the experience of the emotional reaction to the event. I am only now beginning to experience the emotions which I denied when I was younger.
We have different stories but we all are the same.