i waited to read this because of the apparent warning you gave. i was really bracing myself for something that i feared would be triggering. once i read it, i had to say - it is interesting to me that you found it so difficult to write. do you know why? it does not deal with the stuff that most people would find triggering - not the actual CSA events. i can really identify with the sense of loss of your father and the loneliness and isolation - but i wonder why this chapter - after his passing - hurt so much? in a way, i guess my much of my life has been at this stage - after my father's death - but then, i never really knew him or got used to having him there. i guess i can't imagine the contrast - maybe i'm answering my own question.
sorry, you don't have to answer, but i will keep reading to see what you do with this theme as the story unfolds.
thanks again for sharing your life with us.
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho