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#42956 - 02/03/06 08:12 AM Re: I have a problem with my looks
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
Quote:
"We are loved. "
as FF rightly put it, self-love is the crux of our healing, realising that we are loved, period, no matter what.
That is why the unconditional aspect of divine love makes healing the fastest, He accepts us no matter what we do, without judgment.
And the moment we realise it for ourselves,we are healed!

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#42957 - 02/03/06 11:23 AM Re: I have a problem with my looks
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
I think we have to put "ugly" into the past.
For many years my older brother would call me ugly apart from worse things than that, he would call me those things in front of his friends.

His 'friends' were confused at why he said this, and tended to like me more than him.

I wonder why?

To this day he craves attention, even from me, he doesnt get it, not off anybody.

I dont crave attention, but the little boy does, maybe there is a difference, I dont know.

Get to know the reflection in the mirror, buy a full length one, and put it all in the past.

Not easy, but it can be done.
If anyone can do it, its you guys, the fighters of the World,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#42958 - 02/03/06 12:40 PM Re: I have a problem with my looks
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
I dont crave attention, but the little boy does, maybe there is a difference, I dont know....

Ste, What did you mean by that? who is the little boy here?

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#42959 - 02/03/06 04:08 PM Re: I have a problem with my looks
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Vitaliy,

Quote:
Maybe some time it will be easier, like everything else with healing.
You are exactly right I think. I often discover something, think about it, and "know" that it's true. But I still don't "believe" it yet. That's what takes time. But we will get there.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#42960 - 02/05/06 03:18 AM Re: I have a problem with my looks
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
i have a scar that runs from my left ear down undethe jaw to the edge of my chin ,thanks to my abuser i dont look in mirrors at all . shadow

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#42961 - 02/19/06 06:32 AM Re: I have a problem with my looks
bem Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/16/06
Posts: 5
Loc: Texas
I felt the same way, I'm felt ugly and fat and no-one gave me a second look because I felt ugly. If anyone said I was cute or the goodlookin wagon didn't pass me by I would think they were telling me this sothat my feelings would be hurt. I spent soo much money on cleansers/lotions/tonics to improve my face and I spent way too much money on hairstyles - anything to make me feel like I wasn't as bad lookin as people saw me. And don't even ask how much money I spent on clothing - any given Sunday I would be wearing at least 20k in clothing to church - to make up for my ugliness and short stature - I'm 5ft 6in and then weighed 135lbs but I felt I was short fat and ugly but I had a killer wardrobe because I overspent because of my SA. I can just now look in a mirror and not see a ugly man - I know I'm no great looker but I'm not UGLY. You'll find that looks aren't all that important, you remember the old saying "Looks are only skin deep". I am now realizing this - what's inside is what really counts. Just like endlessjourney said "these issues hurt" but you will get thru it in time. Believe me I've been dealing with this for 33 years and it now has happened for me. bem


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#42962 - 02/20/06 08:46 PM Re: I have a problem with my looks
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
THE DAY I SAW MY FACE

I met myself one day.
it was evening
and my face wasn’t clear.

So, I feared
Whether I would be ugly
or would I look beautiful.

So I waited by the shore.

Then,
the first rays came
and touched my face.
It shined
like the rays itself.
I wasn’t ugly
or beautiful
I was just me.

…………………..

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#42963 - 02/20/06 10:16 PM Re: I have a problem with my looks
Splitting Offline
Member

Registered: 12/26/04
Posts: 62
What a frustrating topic.

I am told that I am attractive by some very attractive people. I would rather someone hit me in the head with an ax than to look into a mirror. I too am afraid that nothing matches. I used to over compensate by just weaaring jeans and t-shirts that I received for running foot races (another addiction). I also felt completely unworthy to put nice things on such a filthy body.
In terms of childhood photos, I see them and I might as well be looking at a milk carton. There is no connection. I ask people if they remember their childhoods, and they start reeling of memories. I learned last month that my younger brother did not spend two summers with us at home...I was there...I think.

I know that these were all God-given talents that helped us survive, but I am tired of feeling / or not feeling, like this. One of my favorite drawings I have done is that of an armless boy treading water in some very high seas. He is now 42.


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#42965 - 02/28/06 10:14 AM Re: I have a problem with my looks
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I think part the reason I do not feel so comfortable, how I look, well it is two things. One, that two those men who abuse me, both tell me I am 'beuatiful boy' and such things. To hear something as that now, it would realy make me sick in my stomach. But also, something that upset me now, is that my face, still is very much like child, even as I am adult now. People look at me and see me younger then my age, and it like will make me feel again in those past feelings. And training very much intense sport, there is such physical importence anyway. I use to be so afraid to gain weight, would not eat, or make myself throw up. It take long time to realize it, that is out of control behaving, but I did not care until the last year or year and half. Now, it feels good usually to be like healthy, but still, it is uncomfort with what I look like.

andrei


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#42966 - 02/28/06 01:35 PM Re: I have a problem with my looks
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Andrei,

I think a lot of young survivors feel as you do. Perhaps it would help to bear in mind that you had a right to be you - however you looked - and still be safe. To focus on the memory of being called a beautiful boy and link it to the abuse is, in a way, taking responsibility for what was done to you. Your attractiveness was not the reason you were abused - all the blame lies with the abusers.

We all have a right to be happy with who we are and how we look.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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