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#429268 - 03/27/13 05:52 AM .
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (04/20/13 08:25 PM)

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#429269 - 03/27/13 06:16 AM Re: *TRIGGERS* Is childhood anal rape always painful? [Re: Life's A Dream]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3611
Loc: South-East Europe
hey LAD,
it is really sensitive topic. I guess that other option is more realistic that you are mentioned.
I have to add that how you are talking it seems to me that you are experiencing body memories. We can store memories not only in our minds as vivid pictures and scenes from past but also as sensations in our muscles and specific parts of our bodies.
It is difficult to put those in some overall and logic picture.

Pain is just one dimension of destructive happening such is abuse.
Other aspects like lost trust, insecurity, fear and shock are very important and could add greatly to causes for losing memory.

Pero
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#429271 - 03/27/13 06:43 AM . [Re: peroperic2009]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (04/21/13 11:06 PM)

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#429273 - 03/27/13 09:20 AM Re: *TRIGGERS* Is childhood anal rape always painful? [Re: Life's A Dream]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6514
Loc: Terminus
*****TRIGGER WARNINGS*****


For me, rectal spasms were a constant surprise visitor. . . and they would stop me in my tracks. In fact, all I have to do is think of "that," and I get a spasm response. But rectal spasms (huge pain) would hit me all throughout my teens, 20s and 30s. Really bad!

Abdominal spasm too (back then) but they did not follow me beyond 14 yo.

The pain of the actual invasion would cause me to pass-out or maybe leave the scene in my head, but i can still remember it clearly. it was not until those freakin demons realized the use of lotion, Mazzola Oil or spit helped THEM, but it still left me with that mind-blowing initial invasion pain...so bad I could not breathe or hear.

To this day, flashbacks cause my ears to ring and go deaf, my upper back muscles to totally spas-out and contort my neck and 20% of the time, piss myself.

Back before I disclosed, flashbacks were causing my respiration to shut off. i mean NO air ventilating my lungs. i had to pass-out in order to breathe again. My children were witness to it for years, and still remember those "attacks."

It went on for seven years. By about age 9, I figured-out how to "let it happen" without the initial category-5 anal pain wave. Yeah...by 9, I was pretty freakin expert at it.

You NAMBLA freaks reading this???????
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#429276 - 03/27/13 09:55 AM Re: *TRIGGERS* Is childhood anal rape always painful? [Re: Life's A Dream]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1715
Very sensitive but important topic. I remember the acts but the emotions and pain were buried until the memories were triggered--slowly the emotions of what had happened would take over and the pain of what was became real. I always remembered being above looking down as the child was being touched, raped and everything else that happened.

I could better handle when I did not feel the emotions and pain, but I gather part of the healing journey is to process these emotions and pain. After six years the emotions and pain still keep coming--how much more and how long will I have to process until I can accept the child was me and his emotions and pain are mine? I know it was me, but his emotional attachment to the abuser is what I cannot process or accept.

Yes the pain is real, I doubt there was no pain because we were so young when these violent acts occurred, our bodies so small. The thought and feeling of the pain sends me into nightmares or flashbacks and I notice my body tightens.

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#429292 - 03/27/13 11:36 AM Re: *TRIGGERS* Is childhood anal rape always painful? [Re: KMCINVA]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1393
I am not really sure where this is supposed to go but I sense a more fundamental issue about pleasure vs pain. I would argue that neither defines us or our abuse. So maybe you enjoyed it? Well, pigeons enjoy drinking antifreeze, too. It's only later that the pleasure of the moment yields to its own inherent toxicity.
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#429314 - 03/27/13 04:40 PM Re: *TRIGGERS* Is childhood anal rape always painful? [Re: Life's A Dream]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 414
Loc: Canada
Hi LAD

This is a particularly sensitive issue,
one that is difficult for me to discuss in private ...
and certainly not in an open forum.
So I will simply answer the question.

Yes.
It is very possible to 'gently' rape a small child.
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#429317 - 03/27/13 05:27 PM Re: *TRIGGERS* Is childhood anal rape always painful? [Re: Life's A Dream]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""



Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 09:52 PM)

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#429324 - 03/27/13 08:07 PM . [Re: Life's A Dream]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (04/21/13 11:06 PM)

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#429327 - 03/27/13 08:39 PM Re: *TRIGGERS* Is childhood anal rape always painful? [Re: Life's A Dream]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3451
Loc: somewhere in Africa
LAD - IMHO, it seems more likely that it was so traumatic that your memory has blocked it - that is a very possible/probable CAUSE of your dissociative amnesia.
Lee
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Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
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