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#428725 - 03/22/13 03:57 PM Help, Kinda scared
txb Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 215
I just sort of told someone about what happened to me when I was about 4. Actually not what happened, but just that something did happen. I told him I didn't know what I was going to do yet. He said he thought I should at least tell my dad. But I can't. I already had to tell him that one of his friends did stuff to me. I don't want to completely kill him. So then i had to go and lie down because I had a headache. Which I've had all day. Then I told myself what happened. And I wish I hadn't. Its not the worst thing that ever happened to anyone, but I really didn't need a full on reconstruction of it in my head. This is the first time I'd actually gone through the whole thing from start to finish and all this stuff just came from nowhere and added itself on to the story.

Now he's going to be home any minute and he's going to come up here and complain about me being lazy because I'm in bed. And I don't think I can even look at him without acting weird. If he thinks I have been crying he is going to ask me what is wrong and I can't even think of a good lie. Except that my head really hurts. I'm scared. Like really really scared from imagining it again and really scared about saying anything. Maybe I might tell him, I just don't want to be forced to do it right this very minute.

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#428727 - 03/22/13 04:06 PM Re: Help, Kinda scared [Re: txb]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1584
Loc: New England
Hi txb,

Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time right now, but it took alot of courage to post this request for help. There no "have to" about disclosing to others. But my experience, and that of many others here is that you decide when, and to who you disclose based on what's best for YOU, not anybody else. Your job is to do whatever you have to to bring healing to your life, not worry about how someone else will react to the news.

Remember, you are only as sick as your secrets.

Jude
_________________________
Can't be bothered with sorrow
And I can't be bothered with hate, no, no
I'm using up the time but feeling fine every day
That's why I'm telling you
I just want to celebrate another day of livin'
Rare Earth

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#428728 - 03/22/13 04:12 PM Re: Help, Kinda scared [Re: txb]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 786
Loc: michigan
hey txb
Just breathe man! so often our minds make these things out far worse than they are, it is a very difficult place to be sure, but it does not show on our faces man. he can not tell by looking at you. I hope that you can just be calm. this was never your secret to keep man the perps do it and leave us to cove for them. if you choose to tell then do it and know that you did not hurt your dad in any way your perp did. small difference maybe but it is huge in one way. it helps you remember ,it was NOT your fault.
be well Jeff
_________________________
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.
Philip Sidney

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#428729 - 03/22/13 04:15 PM Re: Help, Kinda scared [Re: txb]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3617
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Txb, you are not alone, we are here with you.
Please try to calm yourself somehow. It seems like you retraumatized yourself with those memories, it happens many times frown
If your father would ask you just say that you need to be alone or something like that.
Everything will alright!

(((Txb)))
_________________________
My story

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#428730 - 03/22/13 04:18 PM Re: Help, Kinda scared [Re: txb]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 916
Loc: New York
TXB,

If it feels wrong to disclose then DON'T! But you also can't force back the bad feelings when they are demanding attention or (very very unfortunately) the memories when the bough breaks.

Let yourself cry or deal with it in whatever HEALTHILY relaxing manner you can. If your dad notices your emotional state, say you were thinking about some of the stuff he does know about. If he's a dad worth a dime, he'll comfort you.

It isn't always this bad. You can feel better than this - healthily.

Matt
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#428734 - 03/22/13 06:38 PM Re: Help, Kinda scared [Re: txb]
genedebs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 287
Loc: MO
Hey TXB

Don't rely too much on your fears or even your solutions. Everyone is telling you that disclosure is yours not anyone elses. Your father has no right to them. They are yours.

If he cannot accept your need to be alone, just leave, You need space. If you can calm yourself, great. If you can meditate and find peace, great.

Try not to solve you fear with drugs or alcohol, it will make you more vulnerable. You are in fear and need safety. Finding a safe place is your highest priority. Later, when you are safe you can think about what will help.

I know it would be nice if you could depend on those who are close to comfort you, that was not my experience so I hope you do not feel that is your only source.

Perhaps you have peers with similar stories, or people you can play with and not think too much

Good luck

Remember, we are here to support you.

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#428744 - 03/22/13 08:31 PM Re: Help, Kinda scared [Re: txb]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3488
Loc: somewhere in Africa
i realize i am coming in later on this. but i notice something that the others hadn't mentioned - probly because it wasn't the most urgent and pressing need at the time:
Originally Posted By: txb
Then I told myself what happened. And I wish I hadn't. Its not the worst thing that ever happened to anyone, but I really didn't need a full on reconstruction of it in my head. This is the first time I'd actually gone through the whole thing from start to finish and all this stuff just came from nowhere and added itself on to the story.

this - although it is really difficult and painful to do - is actually a very important step - and one that will be beneficial to you in the long term process of healing. you gotta deal with the truth - the whole truth, etc. once the immediate need of dealing with the emotions of looking at the whole story - and dealing with the anxiety of telling or not telling, and when - all subside, you will find that the story you have told yourself is something you can now deal with more effectively.

please tell us how it all plays out with dad.

all my best wishes to you -
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#428760 - 03/22/13 10:06 PM Re: Help, Kinda scared [Re: txb]
txb Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 215
Thank you all so much. Iím still in the same position as I was a couple of hours ago though. My dad went out with some friends after work so I didnít have to see him. He came home about 20 minutes ago so I faked I was asleep. He has to work tomorrow so I wonít see him till tomorrow evening. I have just stayed in bed. I have tons of stuff to do but Iím trying not to think of it as a waste of time. I donít know why this feels so bad. Itís hardly anything compared to other things that happened to me. I donít cry about any of that stuff. That just made my headache worse.

I know itís not my fault and itís not me that will hurt my dad if I told him. But it will hurt him and its not like I want that whether its caused by me or someone else. We argued a lot recently and we just fixed it up a couple of days ago. I don't know what else to say right now. I'm just going to try and sleep.

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#428766 - 03/22/13 10:59 PM Re: Help, Kinda scared [Re: txb]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1045
((((( txb )))))

Hang in there, brother. This could be an opportunity to grow closer with your father. You need to share, and he needs to hear it.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#428876 - 03/23/13 11:09 PM Re: Help, Kinda scared [Re: txb]
txb Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 215
Its really late and i hate typing on my phone. But i just wanted to make a quick update and say that i told. Yeah! And i didnt die. Today has been awesome and terrible at the same time. Not sure what is going to happen now but i'm going to go and try to sleep. Hopefully i can now that i'm not worrying about this. Thanks for all the support.

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