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#429175 - 03/26/13 11:25 AM I need help gaining my wife's trust again
Double_D Offline


Registered: 03/21/13
Posts: 4
Loc: Niagara, Ontario, Canada
Hi All,

What troubles me more than anything these days is the damage that I've caused to my marriage of 13 years. You can read my story linked at the bottom, but in summary my wife has caught me for the second time on a craiglist type of site seeking to chat and arrange sexual encounters. i tried to explain that I never intended for her to find out, nor did it have anything to do with how i fell about her...now I'm left trying to rebuild the trust and don't know where to start. She wants to fix this, wants to trust me again....but can't ....It just feels so hopeless...I can tell her how much i love her and what she means to me....but it leaves me feeling like a fraud...I have zero credibility and find it difficult to repair the damage....thinking it may not even be possible...still hopeful tho.

any tips or suggestions are welcome...

thanks for reading,

DD

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#429179 - 03/26/13 12:44 PM Re: I need help gaining my wife's trust again [Re: Double_D]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1412
I guess there are technical ways to approach this, but there seems here a wonderful opportunity to really look at the fundamentals. For me at least, I have found that trust begins and ends with myself. If you tell her you will never again go astray, do you trust yourself to keep that promise? Love is wonderful, but trust has a greater intrinsic value because it is so much harder to earn it from - and it extend to - others. But what is true for me may not apply here - just sharing.
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#429181 - 03/26/13 12:50 PM Re: I need help gaining my wife's trust again [Re: Double_D]
Candu Offline


Registered: 06/30/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
Quote:
i tried to explain that I never intended for her to find out

I can't see that as helpful. So it would have been OK if she just didn't find out?

I messed up a couple of months ago. A friendship, nothing sexual. But it hurt her a lot because of past betrayals. I also didn't know what to do. In the end it worked out with a lot of communications and more honesty. (not that I was dishonest but previously I moderated what I said in order not to hurt/trigger her as she was/is dealing with some horrible issues. It's complicated.)

For you I would say your craiglist days are over. No not just the personals, anything on craiglist. No buying or selling. The site no longer exists for you. And tell her that. You need to so in the future you can honestly say that you have never been on the site since.

Tell her where you are going and where you have been. For a couple of reasons. So that she knows and doesn't have to guess, and to communicate better with her. Don't tell it like a report but more of a sharing. "hey I was at xxxx and you wouldn't belife what I saw ..."

Get interested in what she does. Spend more time treating her as the special woman that she is. Take her out. Go on dates.

It will take time.

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#429189 - 03/26/13 01:48 PM Re: I need help gaining my wife's trust again [Re: Double_D]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 09:50 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

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