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#429133 - 03/26/13 12:28 AM Blaming the Victim, and Other Ridiculous Notions
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
In light of the excuses and victim blaming that occurred during the course of the Steubenville sexual assault case, I couldn't help but offer some reflections. First is the business of blaming the victim for the crime committed against her because she was intoxicated. I've always wondered how it is logical for so many to argue that the physical condition of one person somehow determines the personal behaviour of another. This makes no sense at all to me, unless the latter is a predator waiting for a victim, which then makes perfect sense. Second, how is a victim of a crime who learns of it after the fact to blame for what happened to them? For instance, if someone breaks into my house while I'm at work and robs me blind is this somehow my fault, or that the perpetrator should somehow be absolved of the crime because I wasn't aware it was happening at the time? Of course not, but this is the exact logic used by so many people when the victim of a sexual assault is unconscious at the time of the crime. Third, aside from of how morally and legally reprehensible it is, having sex with someone who is unconscious, passed out, or otherwise incapacitated is just plain gross, so based on this alone, how anyone can justify it is beyond me. Just my reflections for today.
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Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#429135 - 03/26/13 01:04 AM Re: Blaming the Victim, and Other Ridiculous Notions [Re: jls]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hi JLS
This practice does Stink somewhat. I notice that it takes less and less time to blame the victims these days. WE had a horrific incident here in South Africa where a young girl was raped and mutilated, she later died. It did not take people long at all before they were saying that she should not have been out that late, that she should not have dressed that way, that she was promiscuous, that she was in fact to blame. What makes people think like this. When I read about that poor girl I wept.

This sort of thing is promoted in part by the Sick porn web sites that promote this sort of thing. There are a multitude of web sites that have this specific theme, drunk girls.

We are in a sorry state, and further more what makes a young boy so attractive that a bunch of boys would want to rape him if he were drunk????
Thanks for this thoughtful post.

Martin
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#429163 - 03/26/13 10:07 AM Re: Blaming the Victim, and Other Ridiculous Notions [Re: whome]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Well, that's just it isn't it? Guaranteed that if any of these victim blamers were asked if they felt they deserved to be raped if found incapacitated the answer would be a resounding no so they should just shut up already. As with any physically incapacitating medical condition, people who are that drunk deserve care and attention out of concern for their physical safety, not to be abused and taken advantage of. Anyone who doesn't understand that has missed out on some basic life lessons in my opinion.
_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#429171 - 03/26/13 10:45 AM Re: Blaming the Victim, and Other Ridiculous Notions [Re: jls]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 594
People want to feel safe. If they can blame the victim, they can convince themselves that they would never be a victim because they would follow the rules.

People want to feel like the world is just. They don't want to think of the world as being random. They want a cause and effect. Raping innocents turns all that on its head. So they pretend there was a good reason, so that they feel like the universe is all in order.


Edited by Jacob S (03/26/13 10:45 AM)
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Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
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#429195 - 03/26/13 02:54 PM Re: Blaming the Victim, and Other Ridiculous Notions [Re: jls]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 09:51 PM)

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#429252 - 03/27/13 01:16 AM Re: Blaming the Victim, and Other Ridiculous Notions [Re: bodyguard8367]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
@ Jacob, sexually assaulting innocents is not random or a co-incidence when you look at the statistics concerning the disproportionate number of assaults on kids. I would say that there is a connection there since innocence is abused by predators wherever they can do so, which again is why I don't consider it random but premeditated.

@ Bodyguard, people arguing that the victim "knew what was up" while unconscious is as silly as expecting a child to stop their own abuse, given the similarities in each of these situations pertaining to the lack of power and ability to give or withdraw consent I mean. I know that you know this but am just commenting on the dumbass comments made by so many others.
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Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#429254 - 03/27/13 01:31 AM Re: Blaming the Victim, and Other Ridiculous Notions [Re: jls]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 594
Originally Posted By: jls
@ Jacob, sexually assaulting innocents is not random or a co-incidence when you look at the statistics concerning the disproportionate number of assaults on kids. I would say that there is a connection there since innocence is abused by predators wherever they can do so, which again is why I don't consider it random but premeditated.


~TRIGGERS~

Oh, I agree with you. I guess I meant that people don't want to think about innocents getting hurt, so they pretend that it only happens when the victim isn't actually innocent.

The question of innocence is one I've been thinking about, especially as it relates to one victim, multiple perps. I don't think any of my perps were ever attracted to my innocence. I think they were attracted to my vulnerability. I was a small kid and I radiated loneliness. I might as well have been wearing a t-shirt that said "this kid has no one to tell!" So while I think you are right that innocence is attractive to some perps, my innocence was taken when I was very young but that didn't stop the later perps. In fact, they seemed to smell that I was already an opened package. Sometimes I think that its almost nature's way: once a kid is ruined, might as well double-down. That way a much smaller total number of kids get abused, even though it makes it worse for us.
_________________________
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

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