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#428928 - 03/24/13 02:03 PM survivor mode
A270465 Offline


Registered: 01/04/13
Posts: 49
Loc: SE Mich
Last night My wife and I went out to a party in a city pretty far away. we left around midnite and were off the eway at about 130. I dont recall leaving the place, driving home, or arguing with her in the car. But all that happened. Then I found myself walking the street alone in the dark toward home.
I have no explanation for my actions and cant recall anything at all. I was not drunk, high, or otherwise messed up, but I certainly was messed up somehow inside my head otherwise I never would have exited the car and told her to leave me there.
My T a long time ago told me events like this are when I go into survivor mode (which she said i lived in that mode for the better parts of decades)
Now I have a pissed off wife that cannot understand my actions.. and neither can I understand them.
I dunno what happened
any similar experiences with survivormode/blackout/trigger/ without intoxication?
_________________________
BrokenLeg@2 EarCutoff@5 RanOver@7 UnanethesizedSurgeries@8 rapedfrom10to11 Dysfunction&Druguse@12 Crime@13 Dotdotdot Violence Jail@18Escaped Prison@19GladiatorSchool Max@20 Supermax@21 HellEnsues THROWNbacktothestreets@26 MarriedWKids@28 HeardofCptsd@33
Seeking help
And the days tick by all the same

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#428932 - 03/24/13 02:24 PM Re: survivor mode [Re: A270465]
Candu Offline


Registered: 06/30/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
This is a big page and I have only read some of it. I can't say it is accurate as I don't know.

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER

When you loaded the page then do a search for the word "switch".




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#428940 - 03/24/13 03:27 PM Re: survivor mode [Re: A270465]
JaapVisser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 57
Loc: The Netherlands
The above link is quite useful and contains a lot of information. It is not always MPD (or DID as they all it as well) and sometimes when your brain/feelings/emotions are overloaded you will dissociate and go indeed into survival mode. You can still be yourself in naming and behaviour. Therapists differ from time to time how to name this. Some say it is part of MPD, but these dissociative moments are also part of complex ptsd, borderline etc. I also have a lot of dissociative moments/blackouts and they diagnosed me with possible DID, but I don't have any (known) alter egos.

Maybe this link is a little bit more comprehensive: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dissociative_disorder


Edited by JaapVisser (03/24/13 03:28 PM)
_________________________
Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.

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#428947 - 03/24/13 04:04 PM Re: survivor mode [Re: A270465]
DRA Offline


Registered: 02/07/13
Posts: 47
Hey brother,

Can you talk with your wife? I was having a conversation with my mom a few days ago, and she said something. I don't remember about 10 minutes of our conversation, as in I have almost no idea what happened during it. I remember losing the memories and talking with my mom as it was happening helped slow down and halt the dissociation. Maybe your wife can help?

I wish you all the luck and love,

DRA
_________________________
Strength in power is a false victory rooted in vapid grandiosity. Strength in character and integrity is the freedom to act righteously irrespective of the surrounding pressure. True power is the presence of mind to live with character and integrity.

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#429034 - 03/25/13 06:26 AM Re: survivor mode [Re: A270465]
A270465 Offline


Registered: 01/04/13
Posts: 49
Loc: SE Mich
Wife says I went insane!!
_________________________
BrokenLeg@2 EarCutoff@5 RanOver@7 UnanethesizedSurgeries@8 rapedfrom10to11 Dysfunction&Druguse@12 Crime@13 Dotdotdot Violence Jail@18Escaped Prison@19GladiatorSchool Max@20 Supermax@21 HellEnsues THROWNbacktothestreets@26 MarriedWKids@28 HeardofCptsd@33
Seeking help
And the days tick by all the same

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#429038 - 03/25/13 07:17 AM Re: survivor mode [Re: A270465]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hi A

Yep I also used to tune out of the world.
Does your wife know of all your CSA issues?
Talk to her and go through the conversation and all that happened, try to work out what it is that triggered you. Somewhere along the way something set you off and got you going. If you can figure out what that is then you are a long way to preventing that sort of happening again.

Good luck
Martin
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Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
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#429040 - 03/25/13 07:27 AM Re: survivor mode [Re: A270465]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 592
This used to happen to me quite a bit, less often now. I've lost friends based on the stuff I used to do in these fugues (not sure if its technically what professionals call a fugue but close enough). In college I used to take off in the middle of class and go running off into the woods. One time in the middle of the night I climbed up a fire escape to the roof of the library. I once threatened my parents with a piece of piping in my hand. What helped me was a better understanding of my DID, lots of therapy, and some much-needed medication. Its not unheard of. It is serious though.

A little tough love: look at it from your wife's perspective. Its not unreasonable that she got scared. I have a kid alter (thats a DID/MPD term) that is sweet as can be but used to throw things when he got upset or scared. That's inappropriate for a child, but that child was in the body of a large full grown man and to my wife it was literally terrifying. These kind of issues need to take priority. Procrastinating is only increasing the chances that someone will get hurt.

Are you still seeing a T? If not, it may be time to start again. If so, make sure you relate all this to him.

Be safe and keep those you love safe.
_________________________
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

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#438278 - 06/15/13 01:37 PM Re: survivor mode [Re: A270465]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1570
A270465 and Jacob

I totally understand what you lived. I have lived it and supposedly done things having no recollection of doing. It is frightening and I have anxiety over what I may have done. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and dissociative fugue. I take seroquel which is an antipyschotic medication to change the chemicals in the brain and an anxiety medication. It has been helpful, periods of fugues have diminished but the side effects are fatigue and sluggishness. I have to push myself to keep going. But it better than the alternative, losing time and place.

I see a T and strongly recommend A27..you find someone to talk to because in the states of not being here, one can do anything and sadly it can hurt others as well as yourself.





Edited by KMCINVA (06/15/13 09:31 PM)

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