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#428308 - 03/17/13 04:45 PM Question - How can you tell?
weharry1959 Offline


Registered: 11/13/10
Posts: 70
Loc: N/W Pennsylvania, USA
I am a CSA and ASA survivor and i have read a few discussions here about orientation and "imprint". How does one know if the feelings you have as to whether or not one is gay, bi or just imprinted? If I understand imprinted that the orientation does not actuate the behavior? I am so freaking confused right now.
_________________________
Forgiving does not always mean everything goes back to the way it was. There are still natural consequences for what was done.

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#428347 - 03/18/13 05:39 AM Re: Question - How can you tell? [Re: weharry1959]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3617
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey, you posted difficult question here.
I'm in some search too at the moment. I came here for more than year ago when I put "gay imprinted" in Google search. That is how I feel from time to time.
I guess there is no need for some labeling as being gay, having SSA, being bi or whatever. All those are overlapping to some degree. It is only what matter how every one of us is feeling about it.
I felt as imprinted as it seems that I can be attracted to both sexes but because of many different reasons I can't imagine being in relationship with man in some romantic way. I also developed habit of watching porn and many times it is gay porn and such situations make me feel bad and like doing something against myself.
At this moment I'm trying not to be hard and to accept myself in full.
Problematic part is interpretation of our feelings as it is colored with culture from environment where we have grown. It was terrible conservative and patriarchal society in my case, so I'm trying to understand that basically I've been very hard on myself since my childhood as I inherited some cultural values unconsciously as every one of us.
So I've learned that driven by such "alien" values I decided as kid that I will never follow my urges and act on them isolating my self and choosing almost celibate lifestyle and also to avoid terrible shameful feeling on my back. Trough therapy I learned that I would never be like that to someone who has been abused and felt confused. I would be rather supportive and carrying instead of isolation, I would try to make shame less and irrelevant comparing to freezing everything about those confusing feelings etc. And shameful feelings are those with whom I have the most problems...
Keep searching!

Pero
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My story

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#428358 - 03/18/13 08:44 AM Re: Question - How can you tell? [Re: weharry1959]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1579
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: weharry1959
How does one know if the feelings you have as to whether or not one is gay, bi or just imprinted?


My view is that men can have all kinds of sexual feelings, but its always our choice which of those we act on. Our sexual attractions do not need to be what defines us. (note to my gay bros., I am not saying that being gay is a choice).

Many of us CSA survivors have ambiguous sexual feelings. But ask yourself, "Who could I love and spend a lifetime with? A man, a woman, or either?" That helps me clarify the issue.

Jude
_________________________
Can't be bothered with sorrow
And I can't be bothered with hate, no, no
I'm using up the time but feeling fine every day
That's why I'm telling you
I just want to celebrate another day of livin'
Rare Earth

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#428413 - 03/19/13 12:46 AM Re: Question - How can you tell? [Re: weharry1959]
redandblueguy213 Offline


Registered: 02/18/13
Posts: 6
OP, thank you for this post and I agree with Jude. And thank you Jude for saying what you did, because I have come to that conclusion too.

I realized I was compromising my true self because I was so lonely and used that "company" to also take care of my urges. I now know that I want to spend the rest of my life with a woman, that's how I see it and why I know I'm straight regardless of whatever is going on in my head and body.

My heart tells me I'm straight.

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#428714 - 03/22/13 03:00 PM Re: Question - How can you tell? [Re: weharry1959]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 09:41 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

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