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#428630 - 03/21/13 07:25 PM horrible taste in friends
HD001 Offline


Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 262
Loc: us
My H has a very interesting habit. He will choose friends who manipulate and mistreat him. No matter what they do to him he forgives them and goes out of his way for them. Its obvious that these people don't give a shit about him but he doesn't see it.
Then when it comes to the people who actually care he pushes them away. Or chooses them to lash out at when he is spiraling. They are also the ones that he has a hard time forgiving for any minor infraction.
I guess a simple way to put it is that he seems to have his friends mixed up with people that don't give shit.
Can someone please help me understand this. Is this normal? I'm having a hard time not losing my patience with him. Sometimes I swear he is both blind and deaf to reality.
_________________________
Everything comes from within

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#428637 - 03/21/13 08:22 PM Re: horrible taste in friends [Re: HD001]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 09:40 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

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#428651 - 03/21/13 10:34 PM Re: horrible taste in friends [Re: HD001]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 707
Loc: NJ
Wow HD... I have a name for that around here - I call it the "Lowest common denominator" - so interesting to see someone else write about it.

My husband is drawn to people who are negative influences in his life. I never understood it but now know it to be low self esteem.

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#428669 - 03/22/13 05:20 AM Re: horrible taste in friends [Re: HD001]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
HD I can understand your husband. I just hit 51 and have been here for 2 years and in therapy for three months. Now that we have all of the abuse out in the open, my history runs from ages 5-14, we are starting to rebuild my self esteem. Growing up I always felts like useless garbage. I always gravitated to people who would treat me how I felt. I finally moved out to college and had some successes in life that proved to me that I was not a pile of garbage. Does your husband have any hobbies or talents he is good at. It so please encourage him to do it. He will hate it at first because the praise he gets will be painful to him but we have to help him break this negative spiral he is in. I would sure love to talk with him if he wants Good Luck Mike

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#428822 - 03/23/13 12:04 PM Re: horrible taste in friends [Re: HD001]
Alyk13 Offline


Registered: 02/21/13
Posts: 9
Same pattern with my husband. He discovered his abuse about 3 years ago, but a lifetime of the exact same behavior. He still finds himself doing this, but is starting to recongnize this pattern and starting to accept compliments and praise from those of us who love him(although it's not always easy for him). Mike 13 good suggestion, my husband has hobbies as well, when he spends time doing this he is more joyful. I have also tried helping him by telling him if a pretty woman smiles at him to accept that and that it's okay to feel attractive, feel good about it. Doesn't mean anything has to happen just means hey someone else thinks I'm attractive, it really helps his self esteem and we are very open in all of our communication-this is a vital part without judgement. We don't always agree but try to see things from the others perspective.
You are not alone. This can be a challenge for many people, I have been through it myself earlier in life.
Your husband will have to see this for what it is and want to change, I wish we could do it for them but we can't, we all have our challenges to overcome.
Best Wishes!
_________________________
Aly

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