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#428449 - 03/19/13 03:46 PM Re: Patterns [Re: Chase Eric]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1200
Well, the job is history after an agreed-upon several weeks of transition. I folded completely even though I knew I was lied to, set up. I figured I do not need these people for enemies, and sold my sense of pride down the river like I have learned so well to do years ago. Back then, it was bartering my body for my sister's. Guess that makes me a prostitute - the only difference was the currency traded.

I walk away with a promise from them of good will and probably some good words to slide me into another position somewhere. Yet I feel like I just sold my soul and the whole world got darker.
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#428452 - 03/19/13 04:26 PM Re: Patterns [Re: Chase Eric]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
((((Eric))))

There are people out there who need you and will value you. Some jobs are just intolerably toxic and - despite the humiliation of being fired - in the long run you're better off gone.

Also, if you still have salary / benefits during the transition period, you're basically being paid to job-hunt.

Does your company have close competitors?

Hang in there.....


Matt
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My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#428454 - 03/19/13 04:50 PM Re: Patterns [Re: Chase Eric]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 550
This thread is very relevant to me, though I'm not sure I have anything useful to add except thank you guys for giving me some big things to think about. I oscillate between being overly compliant and overly confrontative. Any healthy middle ground is still elusive.
_________________________
"As long as the child within is not allowed to become aware of what happened to him or her, a part of his or her emotional life will remain frozen . . . all appeals to love, solidarity, and compassion will be useless."
-- Alice Miller

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#428455 - 03/19/13 04:58 PM Re: Patterns [Re: Chase Eric]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 620
Loc: Southeast USA
Eric,

I'm so sorry you're having to confront this. A healthy work environment is crucial to a healthy life---especially for survivors. I left a toxic work environment a while back for a better opportunity. After being there 9 years, the place had become toxic to the point where I think it helped trigger the CSA issues. As bad as it was, I hesitated to leave for the unknown---that somehow the toxicity was preferable. It was an abusive relationship.

Here's the takeaway. I did find a better position and left on good terms. Don't believe for a minute you sold your soul. You are using them for a good reference to slide you into something better. Look at this as being more equitable. This could be "mutual aid."

Will
_________________________
You take a walk and you try to understand
Nothing can hurt you
Unless you want it to... R.E.M./Pylon "Crazy"


My Story: Cruel Summer

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#428554 - 03/20/13 10:59 PM Re: Patterns [Re: Chase Eric]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1200
Thanks, Matt and Will - your good words gave me more support than you might realize. Matt - intolerably toxic are precisely the words. Will - the "mutual aid" is so true - submerging my pride was the only political way to get the win-win - my own sensitivities were just not worth allowing to stand in the way of that, no matter how righteous I felt about it.

A good friend of mine down the road who knew about the parallels between this situation and my childhood abuse suggested that by standing up to this situation I could finally stand up to the dragons of my past. I thought it was brilliant of him to see that. So maybe that shows to you the significance of it all to me.

So I was pretty depressed after a meeting that was cordial instead of contentious, because I felt once again that I did not stick up for myself. I got what I wanted and he definitely got what he wanted. But instead of fighting for what I knew was right, I just said "OK" to what I clearly knew was not. Just like I did with my abuser. I guess the whole situation was a trigger - the immediate 24 hour fall-out was tough to get through.

I'm better now, thanks - but can see that I'm STILL dealing with those ghosts. I'm still learning how deep this goes.
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