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#427453 - 03/08/13 06:57 AM "
lbcali1978 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/12
Posts: 217
"


Edited by lbcali1978 (04/28/13 11:38 PM)

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#427456 - 03/08/13 07:14 AM Re: Craigslist Addiction [Re: lbcali1978]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3599
Loc: South-East Europe
Hi man, good to see you back wink
You put it well saying about looking for adrenaline. I have a lot of problems with looking to porn and I can't stop it at the moment.
Certainly there is link with our past (which includes sexual abuse) and later search for some high drive things. It could be porn, gambling, alcohol and drugs use, risky sex - list is very long. It happened in cycles and it is compulsive meaning that no matter how hard we could trying we are always coming back and can't resist it, actually it looks like those activities are driving us and our actions.
There are reasons for such mechanism, sometimes it is way to escape difficult reality, sometimes to look for sort of re-traumatization...
Here is good article by Ken Singer about it, maybe it will be helpful for you to read it:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/ArchivedPages/singer2.html
One of goals of therapy is trying to put our lives to our control, some sort of integration that includes fighting our compulsions.
Keep sharing with us!

Pero
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#427490 - 03/08/13 02:13 PM . [Re: lbcali1978]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (04/21/13 10:37 PM)

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#427493 - 03/08/13 02:50 PM Re: Craigslist Addiction [Re: lbcali1978]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6356
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
T


Edited by Still (03/09/13 08:13 PM)
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Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

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#427518 - 03/08/13 08:09 PM Re: Craigslist Addiction [Re: lbcali1978]
Publius Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 396
Loc: OH
Unfortunately, SSA ("same sex attraction") and the compulsive behavior you describe is something many survivors struggle with before and during recovery. The article peroperic2009 shared is very good and may give you some insight. I know exactly what you are talking about as far as the rush of searching even without meeting up. However, when I did meet up with someone it was never enjoyable and like Life's A Dream I always felt unsatisfied afterward saying to myself it was the last time.

I know for a fact my SSA is directly related to my abuse. In fact, it did not even begin until my repression broke and I started actually dealing with my past. This is not to say recovery is responsible for it, on the contrary, it continues to help me overcome it. It's just at first the feelings were so overwhelming that I sought out and found a maladaptive way of dealing with them. It's been a long while since I last acted out and although I sometimes find myself browsing CL its allure continues to wane and I find myself visiting less often, leaving the site more quickly, and all of this with less emotional turmoil.

So don't worry about being alone on this one at all. Furthermore, talking and learning more about it will not only make you more self-aware but will empower you to more easily resist any urges that may arise from stressful triggers. One trick I've used in the past was when I found myself going onto CL but wanted to "escape" I would visit this site for a little while in order to cool down. There are certainly a great number of other affirming alternatives but this one was both effective and immediately available to me. I hope this helps!
_________________________
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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#427540 - 03/09/13 12:43 AM Re: Craigslist Addiction [Re: lbcali1978]
Randy65 Offline


Registered: 04/14/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Jonesboro, Arkansas
Well, I can speak from experience on this. Acting out included CL and Grinder and they were an obsession. I had repressed memories from the age of 4 releasing and the constant meaningless sex fed the shame, isolation, and suicidal thoughts. It was a dangerous combination. It was not about the sex at all, it was about reliving the abuse or my brains way of dealing with it. My acting out started as control over others that I never had, then turned into making sure I pleasured them. Basically performing for them. This would later turn into trying to repeat the abuse that was done to me by having group sex with much larger and violent people. I don't know how I survived it. Very unsafe. I can tell you this for sure. I would isolate afterwards for hours in my truck crying frantically. I have never been the type of person to have casual sex, it just never was me. It is fine for others, I just was never comfortable with it and to have dissociative episodes from both the 4 year old and this person I was, well it's very traumatic. I just want others to know that during the acting out you do not have much control, your brain is guiding you and self healing is not good. Seek therapy immediately and be honest with them. It was the best thing I have ever done. No, it's not easy to talk about but it happened and it's part of the healing. I hope this does not offend anyone but helps.
Stay strong,
Randy
_________________________
My Story of CSA
http://youtu.be/EJIlKCRL_6M

My Story of CSA: The Day God Entered My Heart
http://youtu.be/vpCWEp6u9zM

My Story of CSA: "Flashbacks" (Trigger Caution)
http://youtu.be/xLd5Fe-MxVM



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#428525 - 03/20/13 02:06 PM " [Re: Still]
lbcali1978 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/12
Posts: 217
"


Edited by lbcali1978 (04/28/13 11:37 PM)
_________________________
They said

Come home

I said

I'm confused and alone

They said

We understand

I found out they don't

I'll walk the path exactly how I've always done it

Alone

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#428532 - 03/20/13 03:29 PM Re: Craigslist Addiction [Re: lbcali1978]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6356
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Ah....my post deletion is a personal safety measure. Too much risk with some posts. So I'll let it out for a day or two then re-call it.
_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

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#428535 - 03/20/13 04:31 PM " [Re: Still]
lbcali1978 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/12
Posts: 217
"


Edited by lbcali1978 (04/28/13 11:37 PM)
_________________________
They said

Come home

I said

I'm confused and alone

They said

We understand

I found out they don't

I'll walk the path exactly how I've always done it

Alone

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#428547 - 03/20/13 10:40 PM Re: Craigslist Addiction [Re: lbcali1978]
Survivinguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/09
Posts: 310
Loc: Colorado
Two more cents - I have my own negative coping technique which I continue to battle so I can relate. One thing my T told me, when I related that sometimes my 'acting out' feels unstoppable like a drug addiction, was that our brains actually start producing chemicals (dopamine? cant remember the name) in anticipation of acting out and so resistance seems unstoppable once we start letting ourselves just think about the acting out - knowing thats what is chemically occurring has helped me divert/distract myself from the acting out.

And, sorry, but I agree with the other replies, it is very likely related to your abuse history. It's frustrating how many ways childhood sexual abuse infects our lives. The fact that you're in therapy is a strong indicator you are making progress and have courage to face these issues.

Stay strong.
_________________________
Survivinguy

============================================
I have to survive and I hope to thrive.

Alumni Dahlonega WoR May 2010
Alumni Sequoia WoR March 2012

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