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#428105 - 03/15/13 12:32 AM My intro and the beginning of what happened to me.
Rj2660 Offline


Registered: 03/13/13
Posts: 22
Loc: Texas
I will take this an addition at a time in order that I do not go long at any given time. There will likely be triggers for some of you in this. This first telling is only the first installment in many molestations that were perpetrated upon me including one abduction in my early teens that I escaped. These stories are real and they happened to me. This is the first I have ever written about them. I think my case to be quite severe and I am in hope that there will be information here that some of you might find help in. I will say here that I sought help in the early 90's and now live a well adjusted life (though not without scars), considering all that has happened to me.

The Beginning
I lived the first 9 years of my life in the country just outside of a small Texa town. We were poor and my Father was seldom around. My mom had 4 other children at the time and I was the 3rd oldest. I was first molested by a neighbor boy who was around the age of 16 years old. He lived next door on our rural road and his family was related to mine by marriage. I was a friendly child and would visit the different neighbors often. One day I was at this neighbor's house and he, Dale was alone. I knocked and he invited me in. I walked behind him in to the kitchen where we chatted for a moment before asking if I wanted a toy. I responded as any child would with a yes. He then offered to trade the toy if I would let him "suck my pecker" as he put it. I had no idea what he was getting at, so he reached over and showed me. I was embarrassed and wanted to leave, but was just too nice as a child to flee in that manner. He then guided me back to his bedroom where he ordered me to pull my pants down, performed the act on me, handed me a toy, then escorted me to the door. I had no idea what had just happened to me at all, though I can look back and see that my behavior began to be molded by that experience and subsequent ones with him. They all followed the same pattern except for the one time that he raped me anally. These occurrences continued many times until I was nine years old when my parents divorced and we moved to another part of town. This ends the first era of sexual abuse in my life. The second is to follow soon.
_________________________
If someone throws trash on my lawn and drives away, it is mine to deal with. I make the decision whether to collect it or take responsibility for cleaning it up. We are the sum of our choices. For some, these were thrust upon us at an age when we were not qualified to take such resposibility. R.J.

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#428107 - 03/15/13 12:38 AM Re: My intro and the beginning of what happened to me. [Re: Rj2660]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11027
Loc: Denver, CO
Rj, welcome to Malesurvivor. It is sad that you were hurt in this way, but we are happy you found us.

I grew in San Antonio in the 70s.

Andy
_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#428108 - 03/15/13 12:51 AM Re: My intro and the beginning of what happened to me. [Re: FormerTexan]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6818
Loc: USA
Welcome to MS. I'm sure that it will be healing for you to hear the experiences of other guys and share your own experiences.

There is a whole thread (a chain of posts) on abduction or kidnap. I'll give you the link when you're ready for it.

Puffer

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#428125 - 03/15/13 07:42 AM Re: My intro and the beginning of what happened to me. [Re: Rj2660]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1489
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: Rj2660
This first telling is only the first installment in many molestations that were perpetrated upon me......

Welcome to MS Rj,

You've taken a courageous first step in facing and dealing with what was done to you, just by speaking out. Take your time, but know that every time you talk about it, it has less power over you. As some one said to me when I first got here: "CSA takes place in secret, but healing is done out loud".

We all have our own stories to tell, and our own wounds to heal. But we also have much in common. Soak up the wisdom from others who are further down this road. Share your own wisdom with others. You will overcome this.

Jude
_________________________
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell

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#428134 - 03/15/13 08:51 AM Re: My intro and the beginning of what happened to me. [Re: Rj2660]
Rj2660 Offline


Registered: 03/13/13
Posts: 22
Loc: Texas
Thanks Andy. This is just the beginning and there are many more to come. My situation was quite severe, I think, but I hope it will serve to encourage others that there is hope. Rj
_________________________
If someone throws trash on my lawn and drives away, it is mine to deal with. I make the decision whether to collect it or take responsibility for cleaning it up. We are the sum of our choices. For some, these were thrust upon us at an age when we were not qualified to take such resposibility. R.J.

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#428135 - 03/15/13 08:59 AM Re: My intro and the beginning of what happened to me. [Re: Rj2660]
Rj2660 Offline


Registered: 03/13/13
Posts: 22
Loc: Texas
Puffer, of all the dark and horrible things that happened to me, the abduction is the one thing that still haunts me at 52 years of age. I have dealt well with the child rape, but that one is a feeling of terror and being alone that only one who has been through it can know. Mine was by a drifter who was leaving town with me. I feel such empathy for others who have experienced this. I appreciate your offer and will take you up on it when I am ready. Thanks, Rj
_________________________
If someone throws trash on my lawn and drives away, it is mine to deal with. I make the decision whether to collect it or take responsibility for cleaning it up. We are the sum of our choices. For some, these were thrust upon us at an age when we were not qualified to take such resposibility. R.J.

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#428136 - 03/15/13 09:06 AM Re: My intro and the beginning of what happened to me. [Re: Rj2660]
Rj2660 Offline


Registered: 03/13/13
Posts: 22
Loc: Texas
Jude, thanks for your kind words and encouragement. I am actually far down the road in dealing with the things that happened to me. I have made peace with them and long forgiven my predators. I am here in hope that some of my story will affect others in a positive way and show that there is hope. On the healing side, my purpose for being here is to rub some salve on the scars and deal with some of the post stress that all the years of working with this has left me with. Rj
_________________________
If someone throws trash on my lawn and drives away, it is mine to deal with. I make the decision whether to collect it or take responsibility for cleaning it up. We are the sum of our choices. For some, these were thrust upon us at an age when we were not qualified to take such resposibility. R.J.

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#428158 - 03/15/13 03:29 PM Re: My intro and the beginning of what happened to me. [Re: Rj2660]
Rj2660 Offline


Registered: 03/13/13
Posts: 22
Loc: Texas
My Cousin (The bridge)

Shortly after moving in to town, I began making the 2 mile journey on my bike to visit my Grandparents. My Aunt and Uncle lived next door with my cousin who was less than a year younger than I. They had lived in some large cities around the country and for his age, that boy was quite street smart and I was still somehow very naive. I was there one day with him and received my first introduction in to porn. It wasn't long before he pulled his penis out and insisted that I join him masturbation, which I did reluctantly and without comfort. After a time, he began to talk about oral sex and how much fun it is. I never told him about Dale, so he didn't know that I was already aware of it. It took some doing, but he talked me in to letting him show me. That was one thing, but then he expected me to return the favor. At age 9 performing oral sex on a guy seemed disgusting to me. It is one thing Dale never required. After 2 or 3 more visits over the coming weeks, I finally gave in to his persuasion and tried it. It was not long before it became a regular thing and I began to like what we did together. I think the times spent with him were pivotal for me. After the move and getting free of Dale, I had a chance to move on, but the activities with my cousin would set me up for some of the worst and most diabolical manipulation yet to be known by a future predator. I had now acquired a desire for sex with other guys. Though I was a masculine boy, my Father was not around, Mom worked 3 jobs to support and keep us together. I was uncovered and vulnerable and these desires made me easier target for a cunning and stealthy molester.
_________________________
If someone throws trash on my lawn and drives away, it is mine to deal with. I make the decision whether to collect it or take responsibility for cleaning it up. We are the sum of our choices. For some, these were thrust upon us at an age when we were not qualified to take such resposibility. R.J.

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#428517 - 03/20/13 01:24 PM Re: My intro and the beginning of what happened to me. [Re: Rj2660]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6818
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Rj2660

<...snip>
I lived the first 9 years of my life in the country just outside of a small Texas town. We were poor and my Father was seldom around. My mom had 4 other children at the time and I was the 3rd oldest. I was first molested by a neighbor boy who was around the age of 16 years old. He lived next door on our rural road and his family was related to mine by marriage. I was a friendly child and would visit the different neighbors often
<..snip snip..>

Rj2660
Your writing is very clear and understandable.

The setting reminds me of a movie based on the book by Grisham. It is A Painted House. It's a good movie. It helped me personally because I was able to visualize something of my own experience acted out in the movie.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0362001/

Trailers:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jabLWrKU38g&NR=1&feature=endscreen

http://www.rarefilmfinder.com/video.php?id=2238

The boy gets "abused" by the tough son of some migrant workers (Hank Spruill). It is somewhat downplayed in the movie so you have to read between the lines a little bit to see it. But it is clear that the guy is a predator. The guy talks just like predator guys who have hurt me. "Boy, you'd better do what I say..." His way can help you to see how that kind of a thing works. This kind of a movie brings out emotions which can then be healed.

I recommend this movie.

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (03/20/13 02:02 PM)

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