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#428418 - 03/19/13 02:43 AM I'm shit scared - dropping the mask
JoziSA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/05/12
Posts: 144
Loc: Johannesburg, South Africa
On Friday I will be making my first public speech on what has happened to me.

I'm not afraid of talking in public, I have been a key note speaker at international business conferences to audiences of over 2000 people, but that was about entrepreneurship, I always had my mask on and nobody knew who I really was. Wearing that mask made me feel brave, like a knight, it protected me from harm. When I spoke at the 13th International Male Survivor Conference in NYC, it was to fellow survivors, who understood you. I took the mask off as I was speaking to the knights at the round taken. You guys are true warriors.

This time it is not to survivors, it is to 300 medical students at a university.They have an academic talking about male rape from a medical perspective, I've been asked to talk about rape from a survivors point of view. I will have to take down that mask and bear my soul, it will be like talking naked, opening yourself up to be judged. They are future doctors, hopefully they will be empathetic not judgemental.

This is the first time the university has dealt with this taboo subject from a non medical point of view. Things are changing slowly, South African Male Survivors Of Sexual Abuse (SAMSOSA) has for months been working behind the scenes, meetings after meetings, the hard work is now paying off. In Africa there is a saying "the only way to eat an elephant is bite by bite". We have taken a few bites but it will take a decade to meet our objectives.

I know that after the talk, 300 future doctors will be more educated and knowledgable about the subject. They in turn will hopefully be able to assist many men in the future. This way SAMSOSA gets to assist more people in the long term, by one single action.

I still don't know what exactly I'm going to say, but I have a theme "What every medical doctor should know about male rape...a thrivers prospective."

If anybody has any ideas what I should cover please let me know, it would be greatly appreciated.


Edited by JoziSA (03/19/13 04:27 AM)
_________________________
Rees (JoziSA)
My Story and Blog www.kilimalesurvivor.wordpress.com

South African MALE SURVIVORS of Sexual Abuse
www.samsosa.org
If your mind can perceive it and your heart can believe it, YOU can achieve it.

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#428421 - 03/19/13 05:23 AM Re: I'm shit scared - dropping the mask [Re: JoziSA]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3566
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Rees, good to see you.
It is very inspiring to follow what you are doing, just keep like that and don't be scared, you are very brave and very strong person. I'm sure some people that will listen you will feel like dwarfs wink

So I was thinking a little bit about your "problem", lol.
Last year another buddy has asked all of us here about advices on writing article about sexual abuse for his company and relating to April as Sexual Assault Awareness Month. It is not the same thing but maybe you could get some idea while you will read it, it could be helpful as it is awareness rising article and it is very good. Here it is:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=387950#Post387950

I would like that future doctors hear something about long lasting traumatic scars that are left after assault and after physical wounds healed. As they will deal with injuries and related physical issues it could be good to say them something about our crushed spirits, low self esteem, fears, nightmares, problems with flash backs and PTSD - all demons that are not visible and that stay present for years later. Also it could be good to include something about triggering and situations that could be problematic while visiting doctors and doing some regular checks (many of us have problems with visiting dentists or doing some regular checks where we have to be naked or touched, for example colonoscopy is terrible difficult as I've read for some survivors and it brings a lot of stress).

Please don't push yourself to tell your story in full if you could feel uncomfortable and if it will be too stressful for you. There is no need to re-traumatize yourself, so please take care for yourself in first place.
It will be enough to let them know that assaults are more than common, about our main issues/scars that are left and that sometimes we need just to see smile and hear couple of supportive words by medical staff to feel better and encouraged.

Those are just ideas I hope other guys will jump in and help you with this!

I'll have you in my prays!

Pero


_________________________
My story

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#428422 - 03/19/13 06:52 AM Re: I'm shit scared - dropping the mask [Re: JoziSA]
SouthernLaw Offline


Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 12
Loc: Arkansas
joziSA

I completely understand your fears of speaking about theses issues to a large group outside the "circle". As an attorney and an entrepreneur, I could argue the law or discuss money all day everyday. The topic of surviving CSA...... well, I have never discussed outside of these forums.

I think you are a brave man and I am proud of you. I will keep you in my prayers.

SouthernLaw
_________________________
As a recovering alcoholic and addict, I have found it difficult to learn to live with "feelings". I am still very emotionally "sick". So I am left with the question, "Now what". I can deal with the vicious cycle of being raped then loved but it is the fall out from the past that hurts me today.

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#428430 - 03/19/13 10:20 AM Re: I'm shit scared - dropping the mask [Re: JoziSA]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3196
Loc: back in the USA
Rees -

i understand your anxiety - but i am sure you will do a great job. thank you for being willing to do this for all the boys who have no voice.

a couple of suggestions for what to include -

1. symptoms that may indicate that a child has been abused - behavioural as well as physical. my parents took me to get some of the symptoms treated but no one ever though to look farther than the immediate and obvious.

2. the first reactions that others - parents or doctors - display to learning of a boy's abuse are incredibly important. to be taken seriously - but not treated like a freak or leper - to be listened to and believed - but not too much prying and grilling in a cross-examination style. to be accepted and treated with respect and dignity and not made to feel dirty or guilty.

wishing you all the best as you prepare and speak. remember - we are all behind you!
Lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#428432 - 03/19/13 10:39 AM Re: I'm shit scared - dropping the mask [Re: JoziSA]
DavoSwim Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 299
Loc: Iowa, USA
Rees,

This is awesome to hear. I wish you all the luck as you speak. You will be doing a world of good and you will be helping hundreds, if not thousands of people.

A few months ago, I went to a conference on keeping kids safe in the sport world. There was a keynote speaker who spoke of his CSA. His speech was so powerful and it provided the impetus I needed to seek help. I imagine that others felt the same way, and there is no doubt you will do the same.

What made it so valuable was that he was honest and candid. Do not be afraid to speak the truth. Do not be afraid of including the details of your experience. It is not necessary to protect the feelings of the participants. They need to hear what it's like. Don't be afraid of showing emotion. However, make sure that you are safe and feel protected. Don't feel that you have to sacrifice yourself to help them. Also, give them something to take away and give them tools that they can use to help others. These include recognizing the signs of abuse, how to talk to kids, what are the most important things a kid needs to hear, how to speak to parents if their sons are affected, and what are the prospect of living a productive life if you are a victim.

This will be a powerful moment. You will be doing so much to help the lives of those affected by SA. Wishing you the best.

DavO

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#428441 - 03/19/13 02:10 PM Re: I'm shit scared - dropping the mask [Re: JoziSA]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1369
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: JoziSA
If anybody has any ideas what I should cover please let me know, it would be greatly appreciated.


Wow JoziSA! You've got a huge set to do this. My suggestion (for starters) is to be sure to cover:

1) The six hallmarks of men who were sexually abused as boys: Anger, Shame, Self-hatred, Fear, Isolation, and a Confused and/or Distorted Sexuality.

2) The three physical/emotional outcomes of sexual abuse in boys: Sexual dysfunction, Addictions to Alcohol and Drugs, and Difficulty in Relationships.

3) The obstacles to recovery faced by male survivors of boyhood sexual abuse: The General View of Men as Perpetrators, not Victims, The Assumption That the Abused Boy must have Liked It/Wanted It or He Would have Told, The Belief That Both the Victim and Perpetrator Must have Been Gay, The Frequent Inability of Family to be Supportive of the Survivor, and The Paucity of Clinicians Trained in Recognition and Treatment of Childhood Trauma,


Good Luck,

Jude
_________________________
"When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown, the dream is gone
And I have become comfortably numb."
Pink Floyd

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#428460 - 03/19/13 06:20 PM Re: I'm shit scared - dropping the mask [Re: JoziSA]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 827
Loc: Kc,Mo
All you have to do is remember 1 in 6 in that room have experienced this in some form or other . You are going to be the one to help set them free or start there road to recovery by speaking up

Just because they have not openly admitted it there are going to be many in that room that are going to cling to your every word.

Proud of you brother for doing this and helping the cause . truly believe this life is meant to help others and to build one another up and that my friend you are doing this .
Removing self for the betterment of others around you

For this I applaud you , you will do just fine bro you got this
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#428618 - 03/21/13 04:23 PM Re: I'm shit scared - dropping the mask [Re: JoziSA]
JoziSA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/05/12
Posts: 144
Loc: Johannesburg, South Africa
Doing last minute preparations for the talk tomorrow, it's 22h20 in South Africa. I'm think I'm prepared, but you know the mind is a wonderful thing, it works all the time until you have to speak... Then it takes a break.
_________________________
Rees (JoziSA)
My Story and Blog www.kilimalesurvivor.wordpress.com

South African MALE SURVIVORS of Sexual Abuse
www.samsosa.org
If your mind can perceive it and your heart can believe it, YOU can achieve it.

Top
#428646 - 03/21/13 10:10 PM Re: I'm shit scared - dropping the mask [Re: JoziSA]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3196
Loc: back in the USA
thinking of you and praying for you...
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#428664 - 03/22/13 04:31 AM Re: I'm shit scared - dropping the mask [Re: JoziSA]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3566
Loc: South-East Europe
We will think on you Rees!!!
_________________________
My story

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