hi, all of the family and friends.
I feel a bit awkward asking the question but I'm going to anyway. It just seems to be my nature these days. (sort of feels good to becoming open and honest with who I am). Even saying that, I deleted and rewrote... but goodness, I have got to be real on here so read on, if you will.
To set it up again in briefness, I am a survivor of CSA of many many years. But survive I did. I married, raised a family (and did an outstanding job of that- thank you), then widowed in mid 40s. My sons know of the CSA. Maybe not the details or the extent or the how young I was when it started... well, let me clarify. I only told them of the teen abuse. They do not know of the previous ten years. I kept a journal of writings that I let them read. They once came to a public setting to hear me speak of the abuse. (my only public address) So they are aware... and very protective. That part is cool for me.
What they do not know about is the ASA. I am certain if I were to tell them, it would bring a great deal of grief and guilt to them. They would think they should have been there, etc, instead of the friend. Sometimes I think that for me to share with them, my only family I would ever tell btw, that it would be good. Other times I think they would be so repulsed by me and what happened they would turn their backs on me, something I could not bear. However unfair that may sound, we all know its a possibility. And I would also have to let them share with their wives, one I adore, the other I hesitate to let know.
So I guess my question(s) if I can formulate is:
1. If your survivor shared with you his ASA, what was your reaction?
2. What are your thoughts of sharing with my grown sons ? One is ultra, one is moderately conservative. I'm just a middle ground guy, quietly gay these days and they know not about my sexual life.
"...and in the distance, I saw that which had brought me here."