I am a CSA and ASA survivor and i have read a few discussions here about orientation and "imprint". How does one know if the feelings you have as to whether or not one is gay, bi or just imprinted? If I understand imprinted that the orientation does not actuate the behavior? I am so freaking confused right now.

Hey, you posted difficult question here.
I'm in some search too at the moment. I came here for more than year ago when I put "gay imprinted" in Google search. That is how I feel from time to time.
I guess there is no need for some labeling as being gay, having SSA, being bi or whatever. All those are overlapping to some degree. It is only what matter how every one of us is feeling about it.
I felt as imprinted as it seems that I can be attracted to both sexes but because of many different reasons I can't imagine being in relationship with man in some romantic way. I also developed habit of watching porn and many times it is gay porn and such situations make me feel bad and like doing something against myself.
At this moment I'm trying not to be hard and to accept myself in full.
Problematic part is interpretation of our feelings as it is colored with culture from environment where we have grown. It was terrible conservative and patriarchal society in my case, so I'm trying to understand that basically I've been very hard on myself since my childhood as I inherited some cultural values unconsciously as every one of us.
So I've learned that driven by such "alien" values I decided as kid that I will never follow my urges and act on them isolating my self and choosing almost celibate lifestyle and also to avoid terrible shameful feeling on my back. Trough therapy I learned that I would never be like that to someone who has been abused and felt confused. I would be rather supportive and carrying instead of isolation, I would try to make shame less and irrelevant comparing to freezing everything about those confusing feelings etc. And shameful feelings are those with whom I have the most problems...
Keep searching!

Pero

My view is that men can have all kinds of sexual feelings, but its always our choice which of those we act on. Our sexual attractions do not need to be what defines us. (note to my gay bros., I am not saying that being gay is a choice).

Many of us CSA survivors have ambiguous sexual feelings. But ask yourself, "Who could I love and spend a lifetime with? A man, a woman, or either?" That helps me clarify the issue.

Jude

OP, thank you for this post and I agree with Jude. And thank you Jude for saying what you did, because I have come to that conclusion too.

I realized I was compromising my true self because I was so lonely and used that "company" to also take care of my urges. I now know that I want to spend the rest of my life with a woman, that's how I see it and why I know I'm straight regardless of whatever is going on in my head and body.

My heart tells me I'm straight.

The Answer lies within-

While I don't intend to be disrespectful, and this is not a flame, allow me the latitude to be Blunt.

I self Identify as gay, live a married life with another man.

You might think of that as impossible for yourself. I do not for myself. Keep in mind that the real problem is inside each of us. Also how we treat each other's feelings and declarations.

You see, many gay people find it extremely threatening and difficult to finally admit that they are indeed gay. They admit this to themselves, They admit this to the world around them, and they find great power and change in coming to terms with their disclosure of homosexuality and pride in acceptance of themselves.

To deny this struggle is threatening to them. To accept that someone who is indistinguishable in physical action to their life identifies as straight or heterosexual is frightening. It seems to invalidate their own struggle to validate themselves.

The truth is that it is an inside job. Some men who have had the same circumstances of my own life react to it differently and are not gay, don't like boys and lead heterosexual lives.

If I invalidate those men because I am threatened by not being able to point to some arbitrary event or circumstance to "prove" or validate my life as a gay man, then I am no better than the same bigots who discriminate against me for being gay in the first place..

I wish you true happiness with your own internal validation. And Fear Not...the only true bad direction is indecision.

Good Luck ,

G