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#428256 - 03/16/13 07:42 PM You Lucky Dog You!
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1046
Loc: The ATL
Many years ago, when the Mary Letourneau trial was underway, I was working as a bartender at a restaurant in the town where my parents live. I remember one particular night, when it was really slow, that Saturday Night Live was on the TV and three male customers were at my bar. This was back when Norm McDonald was doing the Weekend Update portion of the program. At one point during Weekend Update, McDonald made some joke about what an awesome teacher Letouneau was and how lucky the boy involved was. The guys sitting at my bar all laughed and high fived one another to that particular joke, then started making their own jokes about how awesome it was that some sixth grader got to "bang his teacher". My fists tightened and my teeth clinched. I always get that way when I hear people joking about how "awesome" female on male sexual abuse is. One of them commented to me about it thinking I wanted to be a part of their retarded conversation and join them in their ignorance but I politely brushed them off and went back to cutting garnishes. (Or whatever bartenderly thing I was doing at that point.) What I would have liked to have done was popped open a bottle of Merlot and "accidentally" spill it all over them. Whoops!

It made me wonder. If the situation had been the same, the EXACT same, but the teacher had been a man and the student had been a girl, or a boy for that matter, what would the jokes have been like then? I don't have to wonder much because I FUCKING KNOW!!!! The jokes would have been about which horrible way to kill the guy in. About how he should be beaten, and mauled by dogs, and raped in prison, and left there to rot forever. I'm not saying anger at male offenders isn't appropriate but the double standard fucking PISSES ME OFF!!! I'm so goddamn sick of it! Female sexual abusers are largely seen as "cool". They get WAY more sympathy from the public. They get lighter sentences when they are caught and their actions are portrayed differently by the media. We all know this to be true.

Not many people know the sordid details of my childhood but when I hear even a stranger making ignorant comments about female on male abuse, I want to just unload it on them.

"The boy was lucky? Really, shithead? You know what? I was molested by older females when I was a kid and IT FUCKING RUINED ME!!!! It destroyed my sexuality! It ruined women for me! Do you enjoy your sex life with your wife or girlfriend, motherfucker? You know what? I don't have a fucking sex life and I'm 38. I've had one girlfriend ever and that only lasted for a year because she couldn't handle my crippling sexual timidity. I was actually relived when she finally broke up with me because that meant I didn't have to MAKE myself fuck her anymore or feel bad later for not doing it. The REALLY fucked up thing is, she was one of the people who KNEW about my past and went into it thinking she could "fix" me. HA HA! She learned! And no, I'm not fucking gay! I'm not attracted to dudes at all but I don't want to fuck a chick either, ever. It's cool though. I've collected a number of very high-end sex toys over the years and they keep me satisfied. Believe it or not, if I had a choice between plowing some 25 year old, golden-bodied swimsuit model or getting off with one of my fuck toys, I'd take the fuck toy any day of the week and twice on Sunday! Got it? Now go be ignorant somewhere else you fuck!"

(Ok, not twice on Sunday. I don't have that kind of stamina anymore.) smirk

You know what though? Maybe I AM lucky! Because of my childhood and my sexual issues, I never have to buy some chick dinner! I don't have to put up with a girlfriend who will want to move in with me and make me take my Star Wars posters down! I don't have to worry that she will criticize my wardrobe! I don't have to bring her to my parent's house and listen to her bitch to my mom about the things I do that annoy her, which are the same things I do that annoy my mom, which makes my mom take her side! I can play XBOX and drink beer all night if I want to and nobody bitches at me! I can watch college football all day Saturday, then NFL football all day Sunday, getting stinking drunk both days and nobody says a thing! I'll never have to spend two months salary on a useless rock attached to a useless, meaningless ring to show my "commitment" to her! I'll never have to worry about impregnating her with a kid I can't afford and don't want! I'll never have to make child support payments! I'll never have to live through the pain and expense of having a divorce! I don't have to remember anniversaries, or notice new hair cuts, or comment on how pretty the dress she's wearing is without her getting pissed off, or any other dumb fucking female shit like that!!!! Holy fuck! Maybe I WAS LUCKY!!!!!!!!!

"If you got girl problems I feel bad for you son. I got 99 problems but a bitch aint one."

Ha ha! Oh well...... (sigh). Who am I kidding? I've got more than 99 problems. frown

Anyway, I'm going to stop ranting now. Got a lot of video game playing to do tonight and no annoying bitch to spend time with. Thanks for lending an ear if you read all this. I needed to get that off my chest today for some reason. Take care all. Peace.

Ken

PS. When I said "And no, I'm not fucking gay!", I hope that didn't sound homophobic. My brother is gay, my best friend since high school is gay and I get along with gay people very well. I'm even a HUGE supporter of gay rights politically. I'm just not gay myself. Period. Just wanted to clear that up.


Edited by BraveFalcon (03/16/13 08:22 PM)

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#428680 - 03/22/13 08:53 AM Re: You Lucky Dog You! [Re: BraveFalcon]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
Falcon I know how you feel my mom did me from 6-13 I have been dealing with all kinds of baggage since. Anyone who says that we are lucky needs to be shot

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#428783 - 03/23/13 02:01 AM Re: You Lucky Dog You! [Re: mike13]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1046
Loc: The ATL
Hi Mike. It's not adequate for me to say "I'm sorry" to hear about the abuse you suffered at the hands of your mother. Nothing could be adequate. There are no words for that. I'm sorry though, for what it's worth.

If there really is anybody out there who would call you "lucky" for having been sexually abused by your own mother, then they are among the sickest of human beings. Someone would have to be truly evil to believe something like that. I hope no one has ever said anything like that to you and if they have, kudos to you for not busting teeth out of their mouth. If anyone has ever said anything like that to you and you did bust teeth out of their mouth, kudos for that too.

Almost all of the sexual trauma that I endured as a child came from girls outside of my family circle. From some teenagers when I was about 8 and from a girl not much older than me from 8-13 or so. A lot of guys would hear that and say, "Damn, that's HOT! I wish I had been molested by chicks when I was blah, blah, blah....etc." Whatever. Fuck them. They don't know what I went through. They don't know what it did to me.

When it comes to the girl who was not much older than me, I don't really know whether to call her relationship with me sexual abuse or just sexual bullying. At some point in the next week or two I plan on posting about it more in depth though. I have to get some of this crap off of my chest. I want to understand why this relationship that I was supposedly so "lucky" to have had screwed me up so badly. Not that anyone here or anyone in the world can answer that question for sure. Take care. Peace,

Ken

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#429008 - 03/25/13 12:06 AM Re: You Lucky Dog You! [Re: BraveFalcon]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
Thanks Ken I hope we can both soar into the sky's of healing

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#429111 - 03/25/13 07:53 PM Re: You Lucky Dog You! [Re: BraveFalcon]
Vedder32 Offline


Registered: 03/09/13
Posts: 19
Loc: Kentucky,U..S.A
I myself suffered at the hands of abuse from a hsuband and a wife. The most horrific event can be having your body and respect invaded by a woman.Considering,that mother is the most sacred word on the face of the earth and in heaven.

It took me years too branch out and maintain healthy relations with women and I am still struggling. I used them as she abused me.Just strictly for sex or pleasure.

There is nothing lucky about being abused by a woman.If I had a choice in the manner, I would of taken the male over the woman. Woman can be far more hazardous and leave deep wounds that reopen everytime you have a fault or weakness with the opposite sex.

I am just very thankful,that I had a very supportive sister and been blessed with neices and cousins who have helped guide me and recognise my worth. I don't let it stop me from pursuing relationships but I am still working on the boundaries and confidence for myself as well as for them.

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#429131 - 03/25/13 11:06 PM Re: You Lucky Dog You! [Re: Vedder32]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1046
Loc: The ATL
Originally Posted By: Vedder32

There is nothing lucky about being abused by a woman.If I had a choice in the manner, I would of taken the male over the woman.


It's interesting to hear you say that. I'm not quite going to say "I wish my abusers had been male" or anything. (One of them actually kinda may have been but that's a complicated story for another post.) I will say that if none of my abusers had been female, I think I would actually be more open about my childhood issues with people in my life and with people in general. At least then I could tell people I was abused without having to worry that they were going to slap a "you were lucky" or an "I wish that had happened to me" back in my face. When a man was your abuser, no sane person on this planet is going to say that to you. When you tell people you were molested by teenage girls at 8, then routinely sexually bullied and tormented for years by a girl only a year older than you, there are A LOT of people you're going to get that shit from.

In fact, in years past, when posting on-line about my childhood, I have chosen to be intentionally vague about the age and sex of my abusers. I never lied, I just left those details out. Then, when I got comments like, "I'm sorry for what he did to you", I just didn't correct them. Why should I? They made the erroneous assumption, not me. At the time, it was easier to let them think that and not come 100% clean than to take the chance that my pain and the damage that was done to me would be minimized and invalidated. It's really nice to see that there are others who can actually identify with my feeling that way. Take care. Peace,

Ken

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#430494 - 04/08/13 07:26 AM Re: You Lucky Dog You! [Re: BraveFalcon]
learning2remember Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 224
Loc: Europe
"It's really nice to see that there are others who can actually identify with my feeling that way"

I've concealed that I was abused by a woman, too.
_________________________
"This is not my shame, this is their shame." Mona Eltahawy

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#430811 - 04/10/13 10:32 PM Re: You Lucky Dog You! [Re: BraveFalcon]
Publius Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 396
Loc: OH
The look of incredulity on a person's face when you discuss female perps. I have to admit even in my own mind when I think about perps I rarely think about them being female. The reality is they are out there, they are not rare, and they have just as negative an impact on their victim's life as a male abuser. Your post is so true. I go on a site called Fark.com and stories of teacher student abuse occur from time to time. Somebody a long while back came up with the following description of the general mindset of people towards said abuse

Male Teacher to Male Student: DO NOT WANT

Male Teacher to Female Student: Abuse of authority, string him up, death is too good!

Female Teacher to Male Student: Good for him I wish I had teachers like that when I was his age

Female Teacher to Female Student: OH MY GAWD SO HOT!!1!

Users regularly post this chart as a criticism of the general mindset in this country. However, the fact remains female perps enjoy way too much protection from these stereotypes and their male victims too little support from the people who buy into them.
_________________________
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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#430834 - 04/11/13 01:25 AM Re: You Lucky Dog You! [Re: BraveFalcon]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1369
Loc: New England
The 50 Most Infamous Female Teacher Sex Scandals Note the headline's description of these events as "sex scandals", rather than the crimes that they are. Note the reader's poll showing that 49% of respondants disagree that female teachers should be punished as harshly as male teachers who have sex with students. According to an AP study, between 2001 and 2005, 2,570 educators had their teaching credentials revoked, denied, surrendered or sanctioned following allegations of sexual misconduct. While only ten percent of those teachers were women, female teachers who have slept with (note the use of "slept with" instead of "molested") their students receive the lion's share of media attention.
_________________________
"When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown, the dream is gone
And I have become comfortably numb."
Pink Floyd

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#430875 - 04/11/13 11:37 AM Re: You Lucky Dog You! [Re: Jude]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 10946
Loc: Denver, CO
Jude,

A Google search took me to this list, which appears to be quite a comprehensive list of guilty female teachers. One just needs to page through it at the bottom of the first page.
_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#430940 - 04/11/13 09:00 PM Re: You Lucky Dog You! [Re: Jude]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1046
Loc: The ATL
Originally Posted By: Publius
I have to admit even in my own mind when I think about perps I rarely think about them being female.


Yeah, neither do I even, and my abusers were mostly female!!!! How fucked is that?

Originally Posted By: Jude
Note the reader's poll showing that 49% of respondants disagree that female teachers should be punished as harshly as male teachers who have sex with students.


Why am I not surprised by that? I'll bet if you ask a lot of those same people how they feel about male sex offenders in the exact same set of circumstances, they'll tell you that no death would be slow and painful enough to be adequate punishment for him. When it's a chick, "Aww shucks! She sound's kinda cool!"

Originally Posted By: Jude
While only ten percent of those teachers were women, female teachers who have slept with (note the use of "slept with" instead of "molested") their students receive the lion's share of media attention.


Yeah, because female on male sex abuse news stories are "sexy." The media loves a "sexy" news story, don't they? Ugh! mad

I'm off this topic for now. This is making me want to go burn something to the ground. mad Peace,

Ken

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#433046 - 04/30/13 01:44 PM Re: You Lucky Dog You! [Re: BraveFalcon]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
Last night's episode of "Glee" handled this exact topic so poorly I almost threw shit at the tv. They cut a PSA at the end for RAINN, but if the point of the episode is that you're just being an ungrateful baby if you don't like being jumped in the shower by your babysitter when you are 11, why would anyone watching come to the conclusion that their abuse was valid and needed help?

Seriously, the kid's TEACHER was right there during all the shaming and LUCKY DOG braying and didn't do shit to help him. But later on, a girl talks about being raped and then at last it becomes a Very Special Episode.

What's the phrase... ah yes... SHUT UP AND SING!
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#433094 - 04/30/13 09:28 PM Re: You Lucky Dog You! [Re: SoccerStar]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1046
Loc: The ATL

Hi Matt. My brother's ex-boyfriend was telling me about this episode of Glee just last night. (Kind of ex-boyfriend. They're still kind of together but... it complicated.) Needless to say, the more he told me about it, the closer it brought my blood to a rolling boil. How could the writers of this show be so fucking ignorant and insensitive? Or, perhaps I should say, selectively sensitive.

The funny thing about this is, my brother's ex doesn't even know I'm a survivor. That is, unless my brother has told him, but I don't think he has. His telling me about this was more or less a coincidence and even he said he thought it was "fucked up".

I've never seen an episode of Glee and I'm glad I didn't see this one. If I had, I'm pretty sure I would have smashed something. I rather like my TV, and I paid a lot of money for it. I would have regretted sending something smashing through it's screen. Not to mention the fact that if I had actually been subject to that scene, I probably would have been to angry and upset to have even gone to sleep last night. Hearing about it alone has my head all f'ed up.

You know, if the student in the scene had been a girl who said a teenage male babysitter assaulted her in the shower when she was 11, maybe they could have done a fun little song and dance about breaking out the pitchforks and torches, tying up a noose , and marching over to the guy's house to string his ass up good! It was a teenage girl and an 11 year old boy though, so it can be all fun and funny and cute. Weeeeeeeee! Ignorance and double standards make Americans happy! BARF!

Ken

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#433096 - 04/30/13 09:41 PM Re: You Lucky Dog You! [Re: SoccerStar]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1046
Loc: The ATL

OH AND ONE MORE GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING THING........ can you fucking imagine what fan reaction and public outrage would be like if a female character on Glee had said she was molested by a teenage male babysitter when she was 11 and her class mates had reacted the way they did to that male character? "You got lucky! What are you complaining about?" Etc? Not that it would ever happen but just hypothetically, imagine it did and it was aired....... IT WOULD BE ALL OVER THE FUCKING NEWS THE NEXT DAY!!!! POLITICAL TALK SHOW HOSTS, BOTH LIBERAL AND CONSERVATIVE, WOULD BE RANTING ABOUT IT ON THE RADIO!!! WOMEN'S RIGHTS ORGANIZATIONS WOULD BE MARCHING AND PROTESTING AND CARRYING SIGNS OUTSIDE OF THE FOX STUDIOS, DEMANDING GLEE BE FUCKING CANCELED!!!!! YOU AND I AND EVERYONE ELSE KNOW IT'S FUCKING TRUE!!!!!

But, they minimize and trivialize female on male abuse.... barley a peep out of any fucking body. Sickening.

Ken

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#433113 - 05/01/13 12:24 AM Re: You Lucky Dog You! [Re: BraveFalcon]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 2972
Loc: O Kanada
BF

thank you for sharing your feelings.
it has been extremely helpful to me.

i am experiencing one hell of a breakthrough after reading your story.
i totally relate to your raw honesty.
something about the vulgar language has resonated within me.

i have been hiding my true feelings without being aware of them.
when examined in clear daylight, they are very similar to yours.
i have been hiding behind a convenient society double standard to avoid facing what i really felt underneath the ignorant macho posturing.

when i recall honestly how i felt back when my friend's mother seduced me as a teen...
i was totally high and stoned on the pills she gave me the first time.
i did not want to do it, but i did not want to let her down, or hurt her feelings by rejecting her groping and grabbing,
even if i had not been impaired, i don't think i had the assertiveness to say no to a woman who had been so "nice" and "friendly" and "flattering".

every time it happened after that, i was sober and straight, but i was sort of baffled as to how to end it now that it had already happened.
she was very aggressive.

i was also curious about sex with females, she offered to teach me how to "make love" so that i would be able to "please a woman", and i just couldn't see what was wrong with it, other than the fact that i was completely unattracted to her, she was over twice my age, and the mother of my friend.

this unattraction became horror and disgust every time i got the summons to her bed.
i dreaded her calls.
i started to feel like a toy or a pet.
she was in control, and i simply complied to her instructions.
i was simply functioning.
i most certainly was detached and objectified.

i did feel "special" for the first few times, because she told me how "special" i was,
and how girls my age were too stupid to see what a "man" i was.
this feeling faded fairly quickly, as did the conversations.
there was no intimacy whatsoever, and very little exchange.
i was merely "following orders" by the time it ended.

i hated the hiding and secrecy.
i was very afraid of discovery.
i was extremely relieved when it ended.

none of the above sounds very "lucky" to me.

i must have forgotten all those emotions.
my repression has been very impressive.
but it is peeling away layer by layer.

this is necessary.

thank you again for sharing.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#435744 - 05/25/13 09:36 AM Re: You Lucky Dog You! [Re: victor-victim]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1046
Loc: The ATL

I was rereading this today I can't believe I haven't responded to it yet. I meant to respond to it when you posted it a few weeks ago but I guess I got bogged down responding to other stuff and forgot. Sorry.

Originally Posted By: victor-victim

i did not want to do it, but i did not want to let her down, or hurt her feelings by rejecting her groping and grabbing,
even if i had not been impaired, i don't think i had the assertiveness to say no to a woman who had been so "nice" and "friendly" and "flattering".

every time it happened after that, i was sober and straight, but i was sort of baffled as to how to end it now that it had already happened.
she was very aggressive.

i was also curious about sex with females, she offered to teach me how to "make love" so that i would be able to "please a woman", and i just couldn't see what was wrong with it, other than the fact that i was completely unattracted to her, she was over twice my age, and the mother of my friend.

this unattraction became horror and disgust every time i got the summons to her bed.
i dreaded her calls.
i started to feel like a toy or a pet.
she was in control, and i simply complied to her instructions.
i was simply functioning.
i most certainly was detached and objectified.

i did feel "special" for the first few times, because she told me how "special" i was,
and how girls my age were too stupid to see what a "man" i was.
this feeling faded fairly quickly, as did the conversations.
there was no intimacy whatsoever, and very little exchange.
i was merely "following orders" by the time it ended.

i hated the hiding and secrecy.
i was very afraid of discovery.
i was extremely relieved when it ended.

none of the above sounds very "lucky" to me.


No, it sounds like a textbook case of soul-numbing sexual abuse. Do you have any idea how powerful what you just posted here is? I wish more people out there in the general public could read things like this and have their eyes forced open. Everything you posted here is a perfect example of a sexually abusive relationship and of how a sexually abusive relationship works. A PERFECT, textbook example. The abuse was real, the manipulation was real, the power and control was real and the damage done was real. Only difference is, the victim was a teenage boy and the perp was an older woman... (You lucky dog you!) Yeah, right! Ugh... SMH.

Anyway, thanks again for sharing this. Sorry I didn't respond to it until now because it certainly warranted a response. Take care. Peace,

Ken

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