Loc: PDX- Portland OR
I, Like Irishguy, spent so many years trying to figure it out, that I missed out on a lot of life. LIKE being a cute young gay man. I was way past 18 by the time I got comfortable with my gay IDentity and really missed out on a lot of fun.
I feel like being abused took way too much of my life to deal with.
G, I'm a middle aged straight guy. I feel exactly the same as you. Being abused took way too much of my life to deal with. I, too, missed out on lots of life. It seems that this theme occurs to CSA victims, regardless of sexual identity.
Loc: PDX- Portland OR
What a lovely thing to say.
As a gay man, it is so tempting to define self worth as "do other gay men desire me".
It isn't really all that easy to be Young at heart when you are marching downhill at 45. It seems like I was 27 for five years and forty was just yesterday. And why oh why do I have to STILL have to feel bad about getting boned when I was 8? Hell, I don't know.
Today I just have to learn to love me who I am NOW. Forget what someone else may think. I gotta love ME!! I have to learn to let it all go again and again, because the years I have left will not be wasted behind that shit!!!
I like both Irishguy's and Josh's attitudes on this.
For me, similar to you Geoff, the question is, "Where do I want to live?" My CSA totally fucked up my school, athletics, career. I lost what self-confidence I'd started to build as a teenager, home abuse notwithstanding. It's taken a lifetime to rebuild it (hey, I was in a running club in my 30s and got to re-experience the whole team thing doing 5K and 10K runs). I'm less inclined to live in what-could-have-been since it doesn't help me with today. But it's still there and I acknowledge it. For one, it's part of what makes Lancer Lancer.
I guess I'm talking integration.
Nor do I like living in comparisons. But it happens. Living in a gayborhood, the inevitable physical comparisons with 20-somethings come up. But, forgive me guys, I was pretty clueless about a lot of stuff in my 20s (for one, bought a house in a bad neighborhood and was broken into a couple times before I sold it). In my 30s it was about showing off my material stuff to demonstrate I'd "arrived".
Today I usually don't care. I'm just me. And with the benefit of perspective, I have a good general idea of the younger guys' mindset. Nor do I have any desire to emulate my older midlife crisis compadres who try to wear lo-rise or skinny jeans...or who have to have the latest iPhone/iPad incarnation.
Strange thing is, by being just Lancer, I'm cool anyway! (tho' I DO dress more like Justin Long...umm...501s thankyew)
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey guys this is great thread. Being bi, gay, straight or asexual it doesn't matter.
Only what matters is finding love and acceptance toward ourselves. Life and time is passing with speed, we can't change past and lost opportunities but we can have this current moments and make new ones, let's use it in full
You brought up something interesting Gary. I got out at 19 and, despite all the other baggage I brought with me, that move alone probably saved my ass...and set the tone for the rest of my life. The road less traveled, if you will. I don't mind taking it.
Very very difficult dudes. Society defines life by outside appearances rather than look past what's skin deep. I'm a fairly decent looking dude. I put up a plastic front of confidence cause inside I feel ugliness. Then with dudes interested in me I have to do the noble thing by telling them I have herpes. Life is unfair, there always seems to be that wicked little curve ball. You can't watch the tv or look in a book without society making a declaration of what attraction should be. As a teen I rented myself to older dudes. It was wrong, but one real positive I took away from it.
There is beautiful and attraction in every age group.
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