I, Like Irishguy, spent so many years trying to figure it out, that I missed out on a lot of life. LIKE being a cute young gay man. I was way past 18 by the time I got comfortable with my gay IDentity and really missed out on a lot of fun.

I feel like being abused took way too much of my life to deal with.

I am ok now...just missed out on lots of life.

G

G,
I'm a middle aged straight guy. I feel exactly the same as you. Being abused took way too much of my life to deal with. I, too, missed out on lots of life. It seems that this theme occurs to CSA victims, regardless of sexual identity.

That's a good point Davo..I think the time behind us is less important than the time we have ahead it's important that we do all we can to not keep missing out on tomorrows.

To all,

As a bi, 23 year old thank you for talking about what happened and what it costs you, the thing is age is a linear number I truly believe it is possible to be young at heart - don't let the physical age define who you are - perhaps celebrate the 10th 20, and 30th anniversary of your 21st birthday and party now!

Josh

Josh,

What a lovely thing to say.

As a gay man, it is so tempting to define self worth as "do other gay men desire me".

It isn't really all that easy to be Young at heart when you are marching downhill at 45. It seems like I was 27 for five years and forty was just yesterday. And why oh why do I have to STILL have to feel bad about getting boned when I was 8? Hell, I don't know.

Today I just have to learn to love me who I am NOW. Forget what someone else may think. I gotta love ME!! I have to learn to let it all go again and again, because the years I have left will not be wasted behind that shit!!!

Geoff

I like both Irishguy's and Josh's attitudes on this.

For me, similar to you Geoff, the question is, "Where do I want to live?" My CSA totally fucked up my school, athletics, career. I lost what self-confidence I'd started to build as a teenager, home abuse notwithstanding. It's taken a lifetime to rebuild it (hey, I was in a running club in my 30s and got to re-experience the whole team thing doing 5K and 10K runs). I'm less inclined to live in what-could-have-been since it doesn't help me with today. But it's still there and I acknowledge it. For one, it's part of what makes Lancer Lancer.

I guess I'm talking integration.

Nor do I like living in comparisons. But it happens. Living in a gayborhood, the inevitable physical comparisons with 20-somethings come up. But, forgive me guys, I was pretty clueless about a lot of stuff in my 20s (for one, bought a house in a bad neighborhood and was broken into a couple times before I sold it). In my 30s it was about showing off my material stuff to demonstrate I'd "arrived".

Today I usually don't care. I'm just me. And with the benefit of perspective, I have a good general idea of the younger guys' mindset. Nor do I have any desire to emulate my older midlife crisis compadres who try to wear lo-rise or skinny jeans...or who have to have the latest iPhone/iPad incarnation.

Strange thing is, by being just Lancer, I'm cool anyway! (tho' I DO dress more like Justin Long...umm...501s thankyew)

I know I sometimes think I missed out so much and there is no question I missed my early gay years.

At around 4 - the boy next door made me do things, I just thought it was what you had to do to not get pounded.

At 8 - "I think I am a TOMGIRL, not one response except an understanding that I was not ok"

At 11 - the man across the street made me his object to twist and perform.

At puberty - I liked girls, just thought I was maybe bi-curious

At 16 - the abuse stopped when I fell in love with the girl who would become my wife. The 'bi' was at bay.

At the birth of my kids - life was complete

At the middle ages, the bi would not stay at bay. Experimented and felt like hell. Guilt, shame, not the "good dad" I wanted to be.

At late middle ages - that guy who kissed me, kept the gay from ever being at bay again.

At present - spent Easter dinner with my ex, my kids and my bf. I am embracing the gay and live for today, its all we have. All the Chocolate Easter Eggs in the world couldn't make it any sweeter.

Missed my whole life yet here I am. The abuse took so much and I still struggle with many things, but being ok is a place I never thought existed.

I applaud You all for finally embracing the process of finally loosing the fear to "Love ME".

Hey guys this is great thread.
Being bi, gay, straight or asexual it doesn't matter.

Only what matters is finding love and acceptance toward ourselves.
Life and time is passing with speed, we can't change past and lost opportunities but we can have this current moments and make new ones, let's use it in full

Pero

@ Lancer--Dude you are awesome....I am gonna grow up to be just like you.


@ 1lifenow--WOW, you put it so plainly out there and I totally get it. I feel the same way!! /me identifies.


@ pero--LOVE ME!!!! Love you too bro.

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