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#428092 - 03/14/13 11:32 PM The house where it happened....
SouthernLaw Offline


Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 12
Loc: Arkansas
I know that this is crazy but the house where my abuse happened for 7yrs went on the market. A good friend of mine called me today to tell me he had bought the the damn place. He is excited. I am terrified. I can't help him move into that place. I am so anxious that I have literally been shaking throughout the day. He doesn't know about my past but I can NEVER go back there. The damn place should be burned to the ground as far as I am concerned. I don't even drive on that side of the neighborhood so I dont have to see that fucking house.
_________________________
As a recovering alcoholic and addict, I have found it difficult to learn to live with "feelings". I am still very emotionally "sick". So I am left with the question, "Now what". I can deal with the vicious cycle of being raped then loved but it is the fall out from the past that hurts me today.

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#428096 - 03/14/13 11:55 PM Re: The house where it happened.... [Re: SouthernLaw]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6705
Loc: USA
It's not unusual to have a strong reaction to the place where it happened. I had to either go back and see it or see it on Google-Map. But my places were more remote than yours.

Puffer

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#428213 - 03/16/13 09:14 AM Re: The house where it happened.... [Re: SouthernLaw]
pittsburgh Offline


Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 84
Loc: west Chester, Pa
I have visited "THE HOUSE" once the reaction was so disturbing I will never go back to the area even. But it was like a moth being drawn to the flame. Thank God my wife was with me and able to talk it out with her. Time to move on. No more being stuck in the muck. I have the rest of my life to live and I want it to be the best I can make it.
_________________________
it is and has been quite a trip thru life, as last I feel that I am in a better place, it takes work and in my case a wife the was and is forgiveing and helpful. At last a relationship has gone right, messed up three.

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#428273 - 03/16/13 11:45 PM Re: The house where it happened.... [Re: SouthernLaw]
seanm Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 17
Loc: Florida
I live in the house where it happened. I was in high school then, and when my parents moved later, they sold me the house cheap. It's a great house. I got married in the backyard, two of my three kids were born here-one in the bathtub, one in the bed. The best things in my life happened here after I moved back in, but I still have moments of total pain sometimes, chills when I walk in the room. I think it's a bit different in my circumstance because this was an isolated, one-time event. I don't think I'd be comfortable even visiting the home where I was abused regularly at a younger age.

When my dad first offered us the house I told my wife we shouldn't move in there because it was too big, too much, we shouldn't take it from him and feel like we owe him anything. I had tons of excuses. After circling all those reasons, I finally allowed myself to admit that I was scared out of my mind to live in the place where it happened.

I've been here almost five years now, and still wonder if it was the right thing to do. But my family is filling the home with happier memories now. My kids are growing up with their own bedrooms, a giant yard to play in, a safe neighborhood. Like I say, I'm sure it's different, but the idea of being in the place where it happened is ever-present for me, so I automatically connected when I read this.

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#428387 - 03/18/13 07:46 PM Re: The house where it happened.... [Re: SouthernLaw]
oriolesguy Offline


Registered: 08/12/08
Posts: 105
Loc: Long Island, NY
Southern,
OK, I'll chime in on this one.
For years I avoided the damn apartment building where I was brutally raped. I couldn't drive on the road where it was, nothing. Eventually the issue came up in therapy. My T said that he would go back with me if I wanted. I told him no, because that was a hurdle I wanted to overcome on my own.

It took me months. I'm a big bike rider, and one day I rode by. My body was shaking so hard I thought I would cause an accident. I didn't.

Next, I went into the parking lot, looked at the building, and had a bit of a breakdown. Couldn't hold it in. But I got through.

Finally I got the right idea in my head. The real point is that you're safe. Nothing can happen anymore - there, or anywhere else. It's all overwith. The bad shit is in the past. I faced the demon. And I won.

There are still times when I get those bad twinges when I go near there. But they go away eventually, and I realize that the building no longer has any power over me. It's just a building, nothing more. And it can't hurt me now.

Nor can the house where you were attacked. It's just a building, and once you master your fear of it, I think you'll progress even more in your recovery.

Hope this helps.

Oriolesguy

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...1634#Post261634

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