My parents maintain to this day that they knew nothing was wrong, and that they did nothing wrong.
I was groomed for it. I was displaying marked subservient self deprecating traits that were markedly different from other kids as early as first grade. I had Aspergers Syndrome but didn't know it until much later in life. I still remember the desperate need for attention & love that was never really met.
My father ignored me. My mother blamed me. Some highlights of my life with family:
extreme control (dominated, loss of self identity)
Dissociation PRIOR TO SEX ABUSE,
shamed and beaten,
pulled out of shower and humiliated and beaten,
violations of personal space,
humiliated over bodily functions,
beaten for getting sick,
face forced into pile of dog excrement,
hid in closets and prayed to God not to be found only to be discovered and beat while begging to not be hit, which made it that much more severe,
Before I was ever a victim of sex abuse I was a victim of abuse,
After that I was introduced into incest, raped by age 8, molested outside the family at age 13, and blamed for it all by my family by age 17.
I FINALLY got to the point where I realized that they didn't need to admit to anything for me to know I wasn't at fault anymore.
Nothing they can say or do will change the past.
They are unwilling to revisit it and have me rant about it.
They still have the capacity to hurt me if I allow it.
They really don't benefit from me letting it go, but I BENEFIT from letting it go because I no longer feel as If I have to fight for their approval or right a terrible injustice that cannot be undone.
Years of therapy taught (and teach) me that my life had and has value and there is no explanation for my pain and humiliation that will ever make sense. Hating them is costly, when I realized that it was stopping me from living I decided to let it go and asked how.
It takes time bro, and it takes looking at how you feel and what will make you feel better. Pay attention in Therapy to things you can change, points of view, your self esteem, your frozen shame, your deeply internalized pain.
I am far from perfect, and am no role model, but I do feel better since I decided that I couldn't change them. I could only change me.