I know you're trying to help, and thank you for that. But "IT" - their suggestion - most certainly does not and never did apply to me, nor does it necessarily apply to anyone else who likewise recovered once-suppressed memories.

Cloudy

I totally understand where you are coming from.

A couple of months ago I realised that I could still press charges against my brother for raping me at 6. The is no SOL in my country where this is concerned. My brother had already been found guilt of a child sex offense. I knew he would probably plead guilty because he knew how gut wrenching a trial can be. I REALLY I mean REALLY wanted to make him pay for what he did to me. But after some time I started to realise that it would not make me feel any better. It would put me and my family through hell. And as much as I hate him for what he did - he is still my brother and I do have compassion for him.

Instead I have found a sense of power in the knowledge that I COULD have him convicted. But I chose to show him compassion.

If I really felt he was a risk to any other kid I would have gone ahead with it obviously.

I will support you what ever you decide to do. Know that for a fact!!! Our stories are very different. I just wanted to share this part of my journey with you.

Matt

I am sorry but that is total B#LL SH#T!! I am sorry you had to face such ignorance!

Lee

Hey CF --

A few practical ideas that worked for me, some better than others...and you're experiencing exactly the feelings I had. Consider, too, this will likely take years.

In general, like it or not, you're going to get an education. Sounds like you already are. The immediate practical benefit is that you'll be able to speak to law enforcement and legal professionals in a knowledgeable way. And that makes an impression.

In my experience - Ohio may be different - victim advocates weren't much use and simply shuttled me around. @SoccerStar - exactly my kind of experience.

Getting an attorney was one of the best things I did. The immediate effect is that they're the ones who can also help you navigate the criminal portion and they may even have contacts who can help you with that.

Rather than endlessly search Interweb ads, I searched news items on CSA in the state where it occurred. I found out who the most successful attorneys in that field were and contacted them. Consultations - say, a half hour on the phone, are traditionally free (imo, if they want to charge you for an initial consultation, move on). Side benefit of the consultations is more education. Take lots of notes.

Some even provide a detailed intake form. I have one I can put up on SendSpace and I'll shoot you the link via PM. Whether or not you choose a particular attorney, it helped me organize my thoughts and provide details to any potential lawyer. It will probably be triggering. Take your time with it. Fill it out in as much detail as you can. Take frequent breaks, especially if you find you're too tired/triggered to fill out any more. Just put it aside for a day, a week, whatever you need. What it tells them is that you're a serious, responsible and involved potential client.

Don't settle for the first attorney. You must be comfortable with him/her and feel as though you can be scrupulously honest and tell him/her anything...because, in court, you'll be doing that anyway.

That was a tough one for me. I thought I had an attorney who I liked, until it became obvious he was more interested in his own spotlight, even if it meant re-victimizing me verbally. I called him on it - I CAN be quite the butch bitch - dumped him and found one with whom I was comfortable.

Cost in civil cases is typically 40% of any settlement, plus expenses.

PM me if I can help further.

(At the time I was doing this last year, I had a rather large PM thread going with several of the guys. I'm glad you brought this up so I can get my experience out there for anyone who needs it).

I don't have the money to hire an attorney. I don't think my parents can afford it either. This is likely, not an option for me.

I hate to know I'm walking into this blind, but I have no other option. But I'll take all the "education" I can. I can pretty much tell anyone everything, I don't care what people's perception of me is. I should have nothing to be ashamed of.

I don't really want monetary compensation, I want him criminally charged. I want him to be a registered sex offender. I want him to go to prison. Besides, he couldn't pay me even if I won a civil case.

I wanted to reply last night, but my internet went down. It’s probably going to lose connection again as soon as I try to send this. But thinking about it overnight there is probably nothing useful I can say because I live in a different country. As far as I know there isn’t any kind of statute of limitations here. I’ve read cases where people have been prosecuted like 30 years or more later. I guess there is no better time to do it than now if you’ve going to be up against that later on.

2 of my 5 have been prosecuted and are currently in jail. Both times I was a minor though and basically had no choice in the prosecution process. Both times there was a lot of evidence – even though one had happened 5 years before (pictures on his hard drive). But I was told by the police originally (before the pictures had been discovered) that my statement would be classed as evidence – so you might not need anything physical. I don’t know how your justice system works, but here the police send all the statements and evidence to the prosecutors, and they get to decide if the case is worth taking to trial. I had to go and meet with them for one of the cases to be interviewed. (The day before one of my exams at school). They need the case to have enough evidence and a realistic chance of prosecution and it has to be in the public interest to prosecute. But with rape and abuse cases it’s always in the public interest to prosecute.

I didn’t have my own lawyer, basically I became a witness and it was the prosecution service against him. I would think that unless it’s you yourself bringing a case against him in a civil court you shouldn’t need your own lawyer. But I’m in a different country, so I don’t know that for sure. Once you give your statement to the police what happens next is pretty much out of your hands. I think you should speak to your therapist first. I imagine he/she would have training in stuff like child protection/disclosure, which I know doesn’t apply but I’d think that would give them half a clue about the legal process and what you should do to start it off. You might want them as your support person. It's a long long process and I always felt like we were kept out of the loop. In a way it wasn't like my story any more, it was their case and I was just a minor part of it.

I don’t really feel much of anything about them being in jail. Glad I guess that other people are safe from them. It seems like once the legal stuff was done then it would be over and I could move on but that never happened. And my uncle continues to harass me from jail anyway. But I think it’s a good and worthwhile thing to do whatever the outcome is. He absolutely SHOULD be held accountable. Good luck.

Cloudy,

OK, here is the Deal.

"3109.01 Age of majority.

All persons of the age of eighteen years or more, who are under no legal disability, are capable of contracting and are of full age for all purposes."

According to their definition you have 10 more years to decide to press charges before the Statute of Limitations Runs out.

I suggest rather than discussion with a Civil Atty, you go to the police station and press charges against Curtis for Rape, Sexual Abuse. and state to them how long this went on. Talk to your parents and your Therapist prior to going, but you won't need an attorney to assist you in filing charges against your cousin for rape.

Criminal Case--contacting local law enforcement and attesting that someone has committed a crime or wronged you. --This is based on the Criminal Code of Ohio which states it is punishable by law to rape children along with the definitions which set out what ages constitute being a child and what constitutes rape.

Civil Case--employing a lawyer to file a law suit on your behalf which asks the court to force the plaintiff to pay you money. This doesn't necessarily cost money, the lawyer should be willing to work for his fee as a percentage of the total award by the court. Generally a lawyer will also discuss your case with you and it will be up to his discretion how best to obtain the award.

Preparing for a legal battle of either kind will expose you to having to discuss things you don't necessarily want to discuss. You may be accused of being a liar in public and have no recourse but to let them accuse you. Many of the victims of CSA and Child abuse find their way to justice blocked by mishandling the case or by saying the wrong thing. It is never wrong to stand up for yourself. It is never wrong to tell the truth. You may experience some feelings, you may find yourself invested in his trial and wonder how to survive if the law and authorities allow him to get away with this. All of this needs to be thought through before you begin, because once you tell the police you will not be able to take it back. You may find yourself compelled to testify by the District Atty and not enjoy that process.

Just think things through. You won't regret thinking it over. Get good advice from those you trust if you can. Good Luck.

Geoff