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#42781 - 05/04/05 10:08 AM Angry At Parents (Trigger)
bisulatino Offline
Member

Registered: 03/11/03
Posts: 70
Loc: San Diego, CA
There is a lot of emotion and cursing in this post so it may trigger in some people, but I hope that some people can at least read it and relate and maybe share their own anger and disappointment with their parents in relation to their abuse.

I've been dealing a lot lately with the issue of what I want to do with my life versus what my parents want me to do. It gets me very angry, because on one hand they are making all my decisions for me while telling me I need to make my own decisions, while on the other hand when I do make a big decision of my own they do the opposite of supporting me and display their displeasure with threats of cutting me off. All of this of course leads me to resort back to my abuse, how angry it makes me, how fucked up my parents simply ignore it and how their failure was part of the reason it even happened to me.

I remember when I was younger, that even when the abuse was occuring I was so naive I didn't even know it was bad so I would talk about it to my cousins as if it was cool. Of course then the cousin that was actually abusing me would cover up for himself by calling me a liar, saying I'm weird and doing humiliating things to me so all my other cousins would laugh. Well I guess my father caught wind of the things I was saying, and so he had to figure out what was going on.

So here is what the fucker does. He takes me into his bedroom and sits me down on the bed and says, "What happened between you and your cousin." I said nothing, I was obviously lying because at the exact moment I became so frightend and ashamed. That's when he slapped me and told me not to lie to him. The fucker slapped me!!! I am the one getting molesting and he's going to beat this fucking truth out of me! So I cried some more, and denied it, and he just kept hitting me until finally I couldn't take the fear of another blow and admitted it. He asked me "Did you touch him or did he touch you." I told him that he touched me, and that was it. He didn't even know the whole truth, that's all he wanted to know, and you know what, the abuse continued.

I just wish I could get angry to his face, and tell him all this shit so that he would just shut up, so that he could see how he failed and he could take his share of the responsibility. This isn't the only thing I'm angry about, my parents didn't have any qualms about "beating the holy shit" out of their kids. Also, my older brother was molested as well, something else no one ever talks about.


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#42782 - 05/04/05 01:24 PM Re: Angry At Parents (Trigger)
RangerJ19 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 42
Loc: North Woods
Bisulatino,

I'm really glad that you're being honest with yourself about how you feel! That can be scary, I think, and it's great that you've got the strength to do that!

It sounds to me like you've got a legitimate reason to be angry with your father. NO child deserves to be abused, physically as well as sexually. You did not deserve to be hit until you said what he wanted you to say.

you deserved to be believed when you told.
You deserved to have the right to tell when and how you chose to.
You deserved to have the abuse stop.
you deserved to never be hurt in the first place.

You have every right to be angry.

It also sounds to me that some part of you still wants your father and mother to support you, since I hear your anger about how they go against you when you make up your own mind.

But sometimes, I think, the best way to honor your father and mother is to be true to the good things that they taught you, even when they don't understand or approve.

Keep posting! And again, keep being honest with yourself about how you feel! It seems to me that's a great way to stay healthy!

_________________________
Life is worth living.
'Cause of legal issues and the fact i'm still trying to get better, I don't PM or chat w/ minors.

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#42783 - 05/04/05 06:41 PM Re: Angry At Parents (Trigger)
ForeverFighting Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 1058
Loc: New Mexico, USA
Your experience really hits home with me. I'm sorry your parents were such jerks. I am absolutely convinced that SA is bad, but it's our parents and families that make us so messed up. It's our parents' complete inability to be parents or even distant friends. I'm angry at your dad, and I don't even know him.

My dad told me he would have been a good dad if I'd been a different son. I guess that's why he beat me and my mom had to hide me from him until he calmed down. He says that if I weren't so different from him, I guess, he would have been the perfect father. I hate to break the news, but my dad didn't need any kids. He's a terrible person all by himself. My mom is vulcan. Logic, logic, logic. Her suggestions about how to do anything are far above those of mortal man. She is blessed with wisdom and knowledge that is unfathomable to us puny humans. I'm being sarcastic here, but you get the idea. I was never smart enough or good enough. I never worked hard enough. And I was never good on the inside. If we thought we were good, we were only fooling ourselves, and everybody knows that "pride goes before a fall". Only people who know that they're sinful, wicked, worthless people are approved by god. (Anyone see "Cold Case" last week?)

I'm not talking bad about religion. I'm in a different place in life now from my parents. I believe that their de>
_________________________
ForeverFighting

"This search for the truth--it's not for the faint of heart."--Goren on 'Law & Order: CI'
"The former things will not be called to mind, neither will they come up into the heart."--Isaiah 65:17

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#42784 - 05/10/05 04:41 AM Re: Angry At Parents (Trigger)
Splitting Offline
Member

Registered: 12/26/04
Posts: 62
B-
I asked my minister two weeks ago if I would burn in hell for disowning my family. Thanksfully he said no.

FF is right about the family screwing us up. I know that they have done the best that they were capable of, but guess what sports fans, they sucked as parents. To bad we cannot retroactively fire them or something.

Anyway, I share your anger, and that is a great thing. The anger needs to get outside of your mind and soul. It needs to be directed at the guilty parties.

Hang in there.


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