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#42771 - 06/20/03 01:28 AM May I question?
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I am talking on messenger right now at another survivor person, a lady from the other site I join. I tell her some things of me, and she asks me why I stay when this person is so bad to me. It was my choice at staying, and let him do those things, so does that make it some my fault? It has to be some, right?

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#42772 - 06/20/03 09:15 AM Re: May I question?
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
Leosha,

From personal experience, I have discovered in my course of getting well that I do better to avoid assigning blame. Doing so keeps me from dealing with the larger issues. Maybe it would be better, first, to understand why you choose to remain in a relationship that is hurting you. Then, second, begin to make some other choices, ones that are more nurturing?

Just a question,

Ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#42773 - 06/20/03 11:01 AM Re: May I question?
Marc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
Leosha,

DO NOT blame yourself for the abuse.

I'm not quite clear. Are you still with him? if you are, you SHOULD look into why if he was/is so abusive that you choose to stay with him.

But you are (Let me make this PERFECTLY clear) NOT AT FAULT FOR THE ABUSE! \:\)


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#42774 - 06/20/03 11:39 AM Re: May I question?
andrew-almost52 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/31/02
Posts: 243
Loc: canada
Leosha, listen to Marc's advise. A coach in sports should never be getting involved with an athlete on a sexual level. Your coach's behaviour was predatory and should be reported. Peace, Andrew


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#42775 - 06/20/03 12:17 PM Re: May I question?
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Leosha:

Ron, Marc & Andrew have all given you what I think
are good & helpful answers. You did no wrong & it was not your fault.

Don't let anybody tell you any different!

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#42776 - 06/20/03 01:07 PM Re: May I question?
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Leosha,

No, it is not your fault. It never was. You trusted someone and they betrayed your trust. They did it. You are not to blame. It really is that simple.

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#42777 - 06/20/03 01:50 PM Re: May I question?
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Leosha listen to your brothers. They constantly are sending you the RIGHT MESSAGE. IT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT.

That S.O.B. abused the one thing that is truly your own. We own our bodies. You as an athlete, and like we all should, turn your body into a temple of grace, agility and power. How dare he enter that temple with his perverted self interests.

Listen hard to all your brothers here.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#42778 - 06/20/03 03:22 PM Re: May I question?
andrew-almost52 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/31/02
Posts: 243
Loc: canada
Leosha, please try to find a counsellor, a professional who can help you with the difficulties you are overcoming. You are no longer alone now that you have found this web site. But no one here has all the answers. The complete story and answers are within yourself. A counsellor can help your sort through the questions and uncertainties. Peace, Andrew

Leosha,Пожалуйста пробуйте найти коунселлор, профессионал, кто может помогать Вам с трудностями, которые Вы преодолеваете. Вы больше не один теперь, когда Вы нашли этот участок ткани(сети). Но никто здесь не имеет все ответы. Полная история и ответы - в пределах вас непосредственно. Коунселлор может помогать вашему виду через вопросы и неуверенность. Peace, Andrew


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#42779 - 06/20/03 06:48 PM Re: May I question?
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I clear air, I am sorry I confuse people. I leave that coach 5 years ago, so not been with him since. Was with him for just more than 8 years. Thank you for responses, when she ask me why I stay that long, it feels like I am kicked in stomach, it makes me feel so bad. Will try to keep believe that it is not of my fault.

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#42780 - 06/20/03 07:18 PM Re: May I question?
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Leosha,


When I told my wife about my abuse history, she asked the same thing. "Why did you get in the car and go with him again?"

I wanted to matter to a man. He was a father figure to me. Until I realized how much he was just using me, I went with him again and again.

You are not alone. You are not at fault.

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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