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#4272 - 08/09/03 11:31 PM I am still alive (possible triggers)
Sick Puppy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
I was concieved by accident.

I was going to be aborted.

I was born three months premature and should have died.

I was neglected throughout infancy and often left hungry and sick.

I was physically abused so severely that I was often left with concussions and broken bones.

I nearly drowned in the bathtub when I was three.

I was constantly sick as a child and recieved no medical attention.

I nearly drowned in the sea when I was five.

I was raped repeatedly throughout my childhood, often with severe physical consequences.

I was raped repeatedly by many different people during the height of the AIDS epidemic.

I was often locked out of the apartment at night in a very dangerous building.

I was fed various foods I had known allergies to.

I was neglected throughout adolescence and as such I placed myself in very bad situations.

I prostituted myself for most of my teenage and adult life.

I did nearly every drug imaginable and became hooked on heroin.

I had my life threatened too many times to count.

I was stabbed.

I was beaten to unconsciousness several times a year by my classmates.

I was kicked out of the house and forced to live on the streets for a summer.

I did many more illegal things than I'd like to name.

I was arrested and sent to prison at 18.

In prison I was raped and beaten regularly by people I had never met before. This lasted two years.

I continued to use drugs and prostitute myself.

I had unprotected sex with women that I knew slept around.

I have tried to kill myself more times than I can count (at least twenty; probably much more.)

Yet, despite all of this, I am still ALIVE and I am relatively healthy.

I am not a religious person, but I don't claim to know there's nothing there. Whether it's because of a higher power, or just luck, I am still alive, and healthy, and young.

\:\)

_________________________
And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see


Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

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#4273 - 08/09/03 11:53 PM Re: I am still alive (possible triggers)
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2259
Loc: Maryland USA
Quote:
Whether it's because of a higher power, or just luck, I am still alive, and healthy, and young.
And you are strong.
You are courageous.
You are intelligent.
You are principled.
You are thoughful.
You are honest with yourself.
You are caring to others.
You are artistic.

I wish those things you wrote about had not happened to you, or to anyone. But I'm glad you are alive, and you have come here to share your experience and your incredible good qualities with us. Whether it's luck or HP.

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#4274 - 08/10/03 06:41 PM Re: I am still alive (possible triggers)
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Josh
And you, just by being here, make me smile.

Dave \:D

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#4275 - 08/10/03 06:53 PM Re: I am still alive (possible triggers)
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Quote:
Yet, despite all of this, I am still ALIVE and I am relatively healthy.
This is a good thing, I am glad you are here, still alive and in good health.

Quote:
I am not a religious person, but I don't claim to know there's nothing there. Whether it's because of a higher power, or just luck, I am still alive, and healthy, and young.
Maybe there is a higher power. Throughout all this, you are still alive and healthy. I do not know if there is a higher power. Having to deal with this garbage in our lives, it gives me doubts. Then there are the instances that could be nothing other than a higher power.

Hang in there and take care of yourself.

Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#4276 - 08/10/03 07:53 PM Re: I am still alive (possible triggers)
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
SP,

What a glowing tribute to the survivor spirit.

Your litany was very inspiring.

I love how you listed your "I was"es and then ended with an I AM".

I can relate to your optimism. Thanks for sharing.

Ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#4277 - 08/10/03 08:10 PM Re: I am still alive (possible triggers)
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Josh,

Because of all of those inhumane assaults to your person, you really do need to think of ways you can have people, who you care about, do the exact opposite of those cruel acts.

You need to be good to yourself everytime that you can. You deserve lots of love and joy now. We all deserve that, but some of us don't know how to get it.

As Ron says, you have survived, your life is very valuable. It may be that someday you can tell your story to people who need to hear it, the people called the caring professions. But you are not ready for that yet.

Your story could give tremendous hope to the thousands of other terribly abused young people, who feel they are so damaged that they can never be of any value to anyone.

You are a fine young man.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#4278 - 08/10/03 10:55 PM Re: I am still alive (possible triggers)
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
JOsh:
I dont know what to say. I feel your pain.

But I also feel something else that wasnt present when you first came here. You know god damned well that you are a survivor and a healthy one to boot. What a move forward my brother.

Despite the whole effen mess here you are helping yourself and others in a totally unselfish way. You got friends now and they are legion. You are never alone again and you know that.

It has not been easy for you but you got that something that is special and that is a strong WILL.

Now about devine intervention or whatever. Maybe just maybe there is a purpose behind all of this LUCK. I think that your destiny awaits you and when you see it you will take it and thrive.

It is a priviledge to call you brother.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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