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#427771 - 03/11/13 07:30 PM Thinking about pressing charges.
CloudyFalls Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/18/12
Posts: 168
Loc: Ohio
I have decided I am not going to forgive Curtis, I have also decided I want to hold him accountable.

I want to press charges against him for sexual abuse/ rape.

I don't know anything about how to go about it, I've been told it's hard to do, and hard to successfully do it, but I think I need to follow through no matter the outcome. I need my family to see everything, I need everybody to see what he did to me.

I need advice on how to go about this. I know it could be tricky because he was only 2.5 years older than me, but if anything he raped me as an adult when I was still a minor, that should be enough right there, right?
_________________________
"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein

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#427772 - 03/11/13 07:43 PM Re: Thinking about pressing charges. [Re: CloudyFalls]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3363
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Cloudy -

sorry - no idea on how to proceed.

if you decide to go through with this, i wish you success. even more - i wish you healing - with or without the success of the charges reaching the desired outcome. please be careful not to think of your recovery as being dependent upon the successful prosecution of the crime. it can be empowering to take action. but it can be devastating if it doesn't go as hoped. and it can also be a big disappointment that everything isn't OK with you even if the verdict is "guilty."

all the best,
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#427773 - 03/11/13 07:55 PM Re: Thinking about pressing charges. [Re: CloudyFalls]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
How long ago did it end? What are the SOLs in your state? And regardless, what is the SOL for rape (since the crime was federally redefined last year to cover male victims too)?

How many witnesses were there? I believe you mentioned a friend of yours who knew of this?

Confrontation is not always necessary for recovery - but it might help you.

Good luck as you fight for justice.
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#427777 - 03/11/13 08:06 PM Re: Thinking about pressing charges. [Re: SoccerStar]
CloudyFalls Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/18/12
Posts: 168
Loc: Ohio
Originally Posted By: SoccerStar
How long ago did it end? What are the SOLs in your state? And regardless, what is the SOL for rape (since the crime was federally redefined last year to cover male victims too)?

How many witnesses were there? I believe you mentioned a friend of yours who knew of this?

Confrontation is not always necessary for recovery - but it might help you.

Good luck as you fight for justice.


I'm unaware of what SOL is.

My best friend, Curtis's ex knows of what happened, and was present in my life while it was happening. I don't know if that counts as a witness. I'm sure certain family members were witnesses, but will not come forward. Honestly is sounds ridiculous that I need someone to have witnessed me being raped, because when you're raped obviously the rapist is going to make sure there were no witnesses.

The abuse ended about a year ago (when I was 19) and lasted for 13 years.
_________________________
"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein

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#427781 - 03/11/13 08:26 PM Re: Thinking about pressing charges. [Re: CloudyFalls]
Edward Wong Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 40
SOL = Statute of Limitations, the deadline for charges to be filed. It varies by state.

The SOL for CSA is usually at 5 least years past the victim's 18th birthday. In some states, there is no SOL for CSA

One of my regrets was letting the SOL expire. If you have time left, you should consider pressing charges. If you decide not to, make sure that its a decision you won't end up regretting later.

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#427782 - 03/11/13 08:57 PM Re: Thinking about pressing charges. [Re: Edward Wong]
CloudyFalls Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/18/12
Posts: 168
Loc: Ohio
Originally Posted By: Edward Wong
SOL = Statute of Limitations, the deadline for charges to be filed. It varies by state.

The SOL for CSA is usually at 5 least years past the victim's 18th birthday. In some states, there is no SOL for CSA

One of my regrets was letting the SOL expire. If you have time left, you should consider pressing charges. If you decide not to, make sure that its a decision you won't end up regretting later.


I have decided, and there's no going back. I am choosing to do this regardless of the repercussions.

So I'm 20, that means the SOL for me doesn't expire until I turn 23 correct? Or does it mean it expires when my abuser turns 23?

EDIT:

I live in ohio, can you look at this site http://www.ncsl.org/issues-research/huma...hild-sexua.aspx and help me understand what this means?

Here's a quote:

"Ohio's Special Statute of Limitations for Childhood Sexual Abuse, Effective August 3, 2006. The law gives victims 12 years from their age of majority to bring actions against their perpetrators."


Edited by CloudyFalls (03/11/13 09:03 PM)
_________________________
"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein

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#427786 - 03/11/13 09:18 PM Re: Thinking about pressing charges. [Re: CloudyFalls]
Edward Wong Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 40
The link is for civil cases, that is, lawsuits to recover monetary damages.

If you press charges, it would be a criminal case.

This link has information about the criminal SOL in Ohio:

http://www.theforensicnurse.com/Rape_and_sexual_assault_Statute_of_limitations_by_state.cfm#OH

I believe you have 20 years from the time the abuse took place.

SOL laws can be complicated. I would recommend you contact the police and let them figure out what laws apply.

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#427792 - 03/11/13 09:42 PM I must be CRAAAAZY to even think of justice!!!!! [Re: Edward Wong]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
This thread pushed me over the edge into once again trying to get a firm answer about my own legal options. And I'm sorry I did.

I'm a reasonably smart, well-read guy. I have a Master's degree, I used to be a teacher. But I'm completely at a loss to figure out how, if at all, the SOL landscape in New York has changed since the Justice Dept redefined rape in 2012 to include male victims too. There is no site or search that offers a clear answer.

So I made a huge mistake - my search brought up one of those lawyer websites. And I called it (24 hr number).

"Can I help you?"
"Yes - I want to find out if there is any legal standing for proceeding with rape charges, for a crime committed in New York in 1986."
"That depends. Was this a case involving a child?"
"Yes."
"And how old is the victim today?"
"35."
"And what sort of mental illness is involved?"
".....what?"
"What degree of mental illness is involved with the victim?"
"What does mental illness have to do with any of this????"
"If such a long time had elapsed and the person was being treated for a mental illness, and then the crime was remembered in therapy - that's what you're talking about isn't it?"
"No! This is very common, that people wouldn't remember for years and it comes back later, the entire medical community knows that!"
"I'm sorry, I'm very tired and might have misspoke. Listen, this actually isn't a good time, can I call you back?"
"NO THANK YOU."


All I want is an answer. A simple yes or no - is it possible or not? Just an answer, not an insult from a clueless asshole.

Cloudy, I'm sorry if I derailed the thread in any way. You inspired me to finally try to get an answer. I'm sorry I tried and hope you have better luck.


Matt
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#427793 - 03/11/13 09:47 PM Re: Thinking about pressing charges. [Re: CloudyFalls]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
CF...

In my early 30s I had the same thoughts you are having now. I wanted to bring charges against my abuser. I knew it would be difficult, but I wanted it done. The first thing I did was get support from my spouse, then advice from a social worker friend who sort of guided me. I then contacted the state police. You need a support system.

The investigating officer was supportive only to a certain degree. He pointed out how difficult it would be to prosecute because the years had gone by, there were never any witnesses-ever, and it would be an issue of my word against his. In other words he pointed out the reality of the situation.

The officer gave me a period of time to think about it. I decided against filing the formal charges against the man. But since that time, I have come to realize that it did empower me. The perp wasn't held legally accountable, but I gained power over the situation. Still struggle with a lot of emotional stuff, obviously, but not over who has control... me or the abuser. I won. Who knows, maybe it will make you feel the same as I did. Good luck and its a decision only you can make.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#427795 - 03/11/13 09:49 PM Re: I must be CRAAAAZY to even think of justice!!!!! [Re: CloudyFalls]
gottymeguy Offline


Registered: 09/24/10
Posts: 35
Matt! I don't even know to respond. Maybe try again when you are in a calm state of mind. It did come up in your therapy, so maybe it does apply. I hope whatever direction you decide to take turns out to be the best one for you.

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#427796 - 03/11/13 10:05 PM Re: I must be CRAAAAZY to even think of justice!!!!! [Re: gottymeguy]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
Originally Posted By: gottymeguy
It did come up in your therapy, so maybe it does apply.


I know you're trying to help, and thank you for that. But "IT" - their suggestion - most certainly does not and never did apply to me, nor does it necessarily apply to anyone else who likewise recovered once-suppressed memories.
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#427799 - 03/11/13 10:23 PM Re: I must be CRAAAAZY to even think of justice!!!!! [Re: CloudyFalls]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Cloudy

I totally understand where you are coming from.

A couple of months ago I realised that I could still press charges against my brother for raping me at 6. The is no SOL in my country where this is concerned. My brother had already been found guilt of a child sex offense. I knew he would probably plead guilty because he knew how gut wrenching a trial can be. I REALLY I mean REALLY wanted to make him pay for what he did to me. But after some time I started to realise that it would not make me feel any better. It would put me and my family through hell. And as much as I hate him for what he did - he is still my brother and I do have compassion for him.

Instead I have found a sense of power in the knowledge that I COULD have him convicted. But I chose to show him compassion.

If I really felt he was a risk to any other kid I would have gone ahead with it obviously.

I will support you what ever you decide to do. Know that for a fact!!! Our stories are very different. I just wanted to share this part of my journey with you.

Matt

I am sorry but that is total B#LL SH#T!! I am sorry you had to face such ignorance!

Lee
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

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#427801 - 03/11/13 10:42 PM Re: I must be CRAAAAZY to even think of justice!!!!! [Re: CloudyFalls]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Hey CF --

A few practical ideas that worked for me, some better than others...and you're experiencing exactly the feelings I had. Consider, too, this will likely take years.

In general, like it or not, you're going to get an education. Sounds like you already are. The immediate practical benefit is that you'll be able to speak to law enforcement and legal professionals in a knowledgeable way. And that makes an impression.

In my experience - Ohio may be different - victim advocates weren't much use and simply shuttled me around. @SoccerStar - exactly my kind of experience.

Getting an attorney was one of the best things I did. The immediate effect is that they're the ones who can also help you navigate the criminal portion and they may even have contacts who can help you with that.

Rather than endlessly search Interweb ads, I searched news items on CSA in the state where it occurred. I found out who the most successful attorneys in that field were and contacted them. Consultations - say, a half hour on the phone, are traditionally free (imo, if they want to charge you for an initial consultation, move on). Side benefit of the consultations is more education. Take lots of notes.

Some even provide a detailed intake form. I have one I can put up on SendSpace and I'll shoot you the link via PM. Whether or not you choose a particular attorney, it helped me organize my thoughts and provide details to any potential lawyer. It will probably be triggering. Take your time with it. Fill it out in as much detail as you can. Take frequent breaks, especially if you find you're too tired/triggered to fill out any more. Just put it aside for a day, a week, whatever you need. What it tells them is that you're a serious, responsible and involved potential client.

Don't settle for the first attorney. You must be comfortable with him/her and feel as though you can be scrupulously honest and tell him/her anything...because, in court, you'll be doing that anyway.

That was a tough one for me. I thought I had an attorney who I liked, until it became obvious he was more interested in his own spotlight, even if it meant re-victimizing me verbally. I called him on it - I CAN be quite the butch bitch - dumped him and found one with whom I was comfortable.

Cost in civil cases is typically 40% of any settlement, plus expenses.

PM me if I can help further.

(At the time I was doing this last year, I had a rather large PM thread going with several of the guys. I'm glad you brought this up so I can get my experience out there for anyone who needs it).

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#427809 - 03/11/13 11:33 PM Re: I must be CRAAAAZY to even think of justice!!!!! [Re: Lancer]
CloudyFalls Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/18/12
Posts: 168
Loc: Ohio
I don't have the money to hire an attorney. I don't think my parents can afford it either. This is likely, not an option for me.

I hate to know I'm walking into this blind, but I have no other option. But I'll take all the "education" I can. I can pretty much tell anyone everything, I don't care what people's perception of me is. I should have nothing to be ashamed of.

I don't really want monetary compensation, I want him criminally charged. I want him to be a registered sex offender. I want him to go to prison. Besides, he couldn't pay me even if I won a civil case.
_________________________
"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein

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#427855 - 03/12/13 11:48 AM Re: I must be CRAAAAZY to even think of justice!!!!! [Re: CloudyFalls]
txb Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 192
I wanted to reply last night, but my internet went down. Itís probably going to lose connection again as soon as I try to send this. But thinking about it overnight there is probably nothing useful I can say because I live in a different country. As far as I know there isnít any kind of statute of limitations here. Iíve read cases where people have been prosecuted like 30 years or more later. I guess there is no better time to do it than now if youíve going to be up against that later on.

2 of my 5 have been prosecuted and are currently in jail. Both times I was a minor though and basically had no choice in the prosecution process. Both times there was a lot of evidence Ė even though one had happened 5 years before (pictures on his hard drive). But I was told by the police originally (before the pictures had been discovered) that my statement would be classed as evidence Ė so you might not need anything physical. I donít know how your justice system works, but here the police send all the statements and evidence to the prosecutors, and they get to decide if the case is worth taking to trial. I had to go and meet with them for one of the cases to be interviewed. (The day before one of my exams at school). They need the case to have enough evidence and a realistic chance of prosecution and it has to be in the public interest to prosecute. But with rape and abuse cases itís always in the public interest to prosecute.

I didnít have my own lawyer, basically I became a witness and it was the prosecution service against him. I would think that unless itís you yourself bringing a case against him in a civil court you shouldnít need your own lawyer. But Iím in a different country, so I donít know that for sure. Once you give your statement to the police what happens next is pretty much out of your hands. I think you should speak to your therapist first. I imagine he/she would have training in stuff like child protection/disclosure, which I know doesnít apply but Iíd think that would give them half a clue about the legal process and what you should do to start it off. You might want them as your support person. It's a long long process and I always felt like we were kept out of the loop. In a way it wasn't like my story any more, it was their case and I was just a minor part of it.

I donít really feel much of anything about them being in jail. Glad I guess that other people are safe from them. It seems like once the legal stuff was done then it would be over and I could move on but that never happened. And my uncle continues to harass me from jail anyway. But I think itís a good and worthwhile thing to do whatever the outcome is. He absolutely SHOULD be held accountable. Good luck.

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#427862 - 03/12/13 01:41 PM Re: I must be CRAAAAZY to even think of justice!!!!! [Re: CloudyFalls]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 09:32 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

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