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#427771 - 03/11/13 07:30 PM Thinking about pressing charges.
CloudyFalls Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/18/12
Posts: 170
Loc: Ohio
I have decided I am not going to forgive Curtis, I have also decided I want to hold him accountable.

I want to press charges against him for sexual abuse/ rape.

I don't know anything about how to go about it, I've been told it's hard to do, and hard to successfully do it, but I think I need to follow through no matter the outcome. I need my family to see everything, I need everybody to see what he did to me.

I need advice on how to go about this. I know it could be tricky because he was only 2.5 years older than me, but if anything he raped me as an adult when I was still a minor, that should be enough right there, right?
_________________________
"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein

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#427772 - 03/11/13 07:43 PM Re: Thinking about pressing charges. [Re: CloudyFalls]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3493
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Cloudy -

sorry - no idea on how to proceed.

if you decide to go through with this, i wish you success. even more - i wish you healing - with or without the success of the charges reaching the desired outcome. please be careful not to think of your recovery as being dependent upon the successful prosecution of the crime. it can be empowering to take action. but it can be devastating if it doesn't go as hoped. and it can also be a big disappointment that everything isn't OK with you even if the verdict is "guilty."

all the best,
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#427773 - 03/11/13 07:55 PM Re: Thinking about pressing charges. [Re: CloudyFalls]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 917
Loc: New York
How long ago did it end? What are the SOLs in your state? And regardless, what is the SOL for rape (since the crime was federally redefined last year to cover male victims too)?

How many witnesses were there? I believe you mentioned a friend of yours who knew of this?

Confrontation is not always necessary for recovery - but it might help you.

Good luck as you fight for justice.
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#427777 - 03/11/13 08:06 PM Re: Thinking about pressing charges. [Re: SoccerStar]
CloudyFalls Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/18/12
Posts: 170
Loc: Ohio
Originally Posted By: SoccerStar
How long ago did it end? What are the SOLs in your state? And regardless, what is the SOL for rape (since the crime was federally redefined last year to cover male victims too)?

How many witnesses were there? I believe you mentioned a friend of yours who knew of this?

Confrontation is not always necessary for recovery - but it might help you.

Good luck as you fight for justice.


I'm unaware of what SOL is.

My best friend, Curtis's ex knows of what happened, and was present in my life while it was happening. I don't know if that counts as a witness. I'm sure certain family members were witnesses, but will not come forward. Honestly is sounds ridiculous that I need someone to have witnessed me being raped, because when you're raped obviously the rapist is going to make sure there were no witnesses.

The abuse ended about a year ago (when I was 19) and lasted for 13 years.
_________________________
"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein

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#427781 - 03/11/13 08:26 PM Re: Thinking about pressing charges. [Re: CloudyFalls]
Edward Wong Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 40
SOL = Statute of Limitations, the deadline for charges to be filed. It varies by state.

The SOL for CSA is usually at 5 least years past the victim's 18th birthday. In some states, there is no SOL for CSA

One of my regrets was letting the SOL expire. If you have time left, you should consider pressing charges. If you decide not to, make sure that its a decision you won't end up regretting later.

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#427782 - 03/11/13 08:57 PM Re: Thinking about pressing charges. [Re: Edward Wong]
CloudyFalls Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/18/12
Posts: 170
Loc: Ohio
Originally Posted By: Edward Wong
SOL = Statute of Limitations, the deadline for charges to be filed. It varies by state.

The SOL for CSA is usually at 5 least years past the victim's 18th birthday. In some states, there is no SOL for CSA

One of my regrets was letting the SOL expire. If you have time left, you should consider pressing charges. If you decide not to, make sure that its a decision you won't end up regretting later.


I have decided, and there's no going back. I am choosing to do this regardless of the repercussions.

So I'm 20, that means the SOL for me doesn't expire until I turn 23 correct? Or does it mean it expires when my abuser turns 23?

EDIT:

I live in ohio, can you look at this site http://www.ncsl.org/issues-research/huma...hild-sexua.aspx and help me understand what this means?

Here's a quote:

"Ohio's Special Statute of Limitations for Childhood Sexual Abuse, Effective August 3, 2006. The law gives victims 12 years from their age of majority to bring actions against their perpetrators."


Edited by CloudyFalls (03/11/13 09:03 PM)
_________________________
"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein

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#427786 - 03/11/13 09:18 PM Re: Thinking about pressing charges. [Re: CloudyFalls]
Edward Wong Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 40
The link is for civil cases, that is, lawsuits to recover monetary damages.

If you press charges, it would be a criminal case.

This link has information about the criminal SOL in Ohio:

http://www.theforensicnurse.com/Rape_and_sexual_assault_Statute_of_limitations_by_state.cfm#OH

I believe you have 20 years from the time the abuse took place.

SOL laws can be complicated. I would recommend you contact the police and let them figure out what laws apply.

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#427792 - 03/11/13 09:42 PM I must be CRAAAAZY to even think of justice!!!!! [Re: Edward Wong]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 917
Loc: New York
This thread pushed me over the edge into once again trying to get a firm answer about my own legal options. And I'm sorry I did.

I'm a reasonably smart, well-read guy. I have a Master's degree, I used to be a teacher. But I'm completely at a loss to figure out how, if at all, the SOL landscape in New York has changed since the Justice Dept redefined rape in 2012 to include male victims too. There is no site or search that offers a clear answer.

So I made a huge mistake - my search brought up one of those lawyer websites. And I called it (24 hr number).

"Can I help you?"
"Yes - I want to find out if there is any legal standing for proceeding with rape charges, for a crime committed in New York in 1986."
"That depends. Was this a case involving a child?"
"Yes."
"And how old is the victim today?"
"35."
"And what sort of mental illness is involved?"
".....what?"
"What degree of mental illness is involved with the victim?"
"What does mental illness have to do with any of this????"
"If such a long time had elapsed and the person was being treated for a mental illness, and then the crime was remembered in therapy - that's what you're talking about isn't it?"
"No! This is very common, that people wouldn't remember for years and it comes back later, the entire medical community knows that!"
"I'm sorry, I'm very tired and might have misspoke. Listen, this actually isn't a good time, can I call you back?"
"NO THANK YOU."


All I want is an answer. A simple yes or no - is it possible or not? Just an answer, not an insult from a clueless asshole.

Cloudy, I'm sorry if I derailed the thread in any way. You inspired me to finally try to get an answer. I'm sorry I tried and hope you have better luck.


Matt
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#427793 - 03/11/13 09:47 PM Re: Thinking about pressing charges. [Re: CloudyFalls]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
CF...

In my early 30s I had the same thoughts you are having now. I wanted to bring charges against my abuser. I knew it would be difficult, but I wanted it done. The first thing I did was get support from my spouse, then advice from a social worker friend who sort of guided me. I then contacted the state police. You need a support system.

The investigating officer was supportive only to a certain degree. He pointed out how difficult it would be to prosecute because the years had gone by, there were never any witnesses-ever, and it would be an issue of my word against his. In other words he pointed out the reality of the situation.

The officer gave me a period of time to think about it. I decided against filing the formal charges against the man. But since that time, I have come to realize that it did empower me. The perp wasn't held legally accountable, but I gained power over the situation. Still struggle with a lot of emotional stuff, obviously, but not over who has control... me or the abuser. I won. Who knows, maybe it will make you feel the same as I did. Good luck and its a decision only you can make.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#427795 - 03/11/13 09:49 PM Re: I must be CRAAAAZY to even think of justice!!!!! [Re: CloudyFalls]
gottymeguy Offline


Registered: 09/24/10
Posts: 35
Matt! I don't even know to respond. Maybe try again when you are in a calm state of mind. It did come up in your therapy, so maybe it does apply. I hope whatever direction you decide to take turns out to be the best one for you.

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