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#427685 - 03/10/13 09:09 PM Maybe some progress
cant_remember Offline

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1046
I disclosed to my aunt this week. She knew my perp. My perp is a peer of my grandparents. I asked her if she remembered him, she said yes.

I said, "He raped me."

She said, "What do you mean?"

I said, "I mean, he raped me."

She said, "Oh my God. I believe you. That motherfucker!"

That instant validation felt really good. Finally, for once. It felt real instead of something I was making up or suspecting without proof.

When I started therapy in 2004, my first words to my first T were something like, "I wasn't abused but I have symptoms of someone who was." To go from there, to accepting I was abused but didn't remember, to finding a suspect, to shaping a narrative, eight or nine years of detective work on my own early life, to getting instant belief and validation feels really good, and a welcome change from the silence and denial I get from my father and mother, respectively.

I was able to tell her (my aunt) that my perp was uncircumcised and had white pubic hair, details which my dissociated younger self has eroticized. But by telling her as my primary self, I was able to feel the correct emotion -- disgust. There for about 12 hours, I felt almost cured. It didn't hold, but I'm hoping to reinforce that disgust with the EMDR.

"I believe you. That motherfucker!" -- words that might have changed my life.

Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

#427686 - 03/10/13 09:20 PM Re: Maybe some progress [Re: cant_remember]
Farmer Boy Offline

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia

I believe you too. That motherfucker!!!
More than meets the eye!

#427689 - 03/10/13 09:24 PM Re: Maybe some progress [Re: cant_remember]
ThisMan Offline

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 769
Loc: upper south
What a validation !!

....the mother fucker....
For now we see through a glass, darkly.

#427690 - 03/10/13 09:26 PM Re: Maybe some progress [Re: cant_remember]
Suwanee Offline

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 864
Loc: Southeast USA
Those are powerful words! She's in your corner...and obviously is not shocked by the person you named.
I think this is the confirmation you have waited on.

I ask you to judge me by the enemies I have made. --FDR

I remember redwood trees, bumper cars and wolverines
The ocean's Trident submarines
Lemons, limes and tangerines
I remember this… R.E.M. 1988

Cruel Summer
My Journal

#427691 - 03/10/13 09:27 PM Re: Maybe some progress [Re: cant_remember]

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1949
took courage and happy you got validation. it is wonderful when people validate what happened.

I hope you keep moving forward--you took a step many of us grapple with everyday.

#427692 - 03/10/13 09:32 PM Re: Maybe some progress [Re: cant_remember]
Lancer Offline

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
I LOVE that woman!

#427694 - 03/10/13 09:34 PM Re: Maybe some progress [Re: cant_remember]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3671
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Hey, Can't -

that is incredibly good news. i'm so happy for you.

that feeling of "able to feel the correct emotion -- disgust. There for about 12 hours, I felt almost cured." THAT is something to be cherished. even if it doesn't hold - you can remember it and look forward to re-attaining it.

are you gonna change your name now?

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho

#427697 - 03/10/13 09:57 PM . [Re: cant_remember]
Life's A Dream Offline

Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island

Edited by Life's A Dream (04/21/13 10:41 PM)

#427698 - 03/10/13 10:03 PM Re: Maybe some progress [Re: cant_remember]
cant_remember Offline

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1046

I just reloaded after a half hour and 6 (edit: 7) replies? Damn, guys. Literally have tears in my eyes. To share here and to get this kind of instant positive feedback after years of so much pain, I can't put words to how much I love you all. My brothers.

Today is a new day for ole cant <underscore> remember.

Lee (edit: and LAD), you devil(s). Asking me about changing my name. I have thought about it. But not yet. (not even sure if I can or how to go about it). But even though I now *know* the truth, I still don't remember it. Knowing and remembering are two different things. I have deduced it, but I still don't recall it.

To the puzzle that has been my life: I have figured you out, you dirty motherfucker.


Edited by cant_remember (03/10/13 10:04 PM)
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

#427705 - 03/10/13 10:28 PM Re: Maybe some progress [Re: cant_remember]
SoccerStar Offline

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 920
Loc: New York
You were right.

You were right all along.

You were right.

And someone at last is on your side.

I'm so proud of you.

My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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